Reviews for Smokescreen
Shiakou chapter 2 . 8/4/2007
This is quite good. Very good. I wish you would continue.
TheOriginalSnakeEyes chapter 2 . 3/4/2006
I read this when it was first posted and liked it, yet now I read the second chapter posted and I love it, really.

This has to be number two or three on my favorite Love Hina stories. The concept (especially within this category of fanfiction) is so damn original it deserves recognition and everything about it from the story to the characters is fleshed out to such a degree that calling it "professional" seems a given. You have done in two chapters what I've been trying to do with almost every piece of story I've had, namely: create narrative driven non rhyming poetry...so damn you!

Just kidding. I look forward eagerly to this continuing story and anything else you do, so good luck in the future.
Skarrg chapter 1 . 3/4/2006
Terrific fiction, I'm really glad you brought it back. Your characterization of the forgotten characters of Love Hina is spot-on, especially Kentaro's...I always felt he got the short end of the stick unfairly...
RedPBass chapter 2 . 3/4/2006
I really liked this one, good job. Well written and everything.

If you're seriously thinking about writing more about these three, I think you should. It's got a lot of potential, and I'd like to see how they end up.

Can't really think of anything else to say, and reading over this review, it seems kinda...strange. Ok, time for sleep.
jennyjennai chapter 1 . 4/12/2005
Very deep and thoughtful analysis of the how, who, why and where of the Hinata Sou and its residents. Those minor characters - if you will, all contributed to the story in both the anime and manga versions.

There were many things said and yet many more were left unsaid.

I admire your point-of-view in this work although I do not agree with all of it, I agree with most of it. Excellent work...
Damien Grey chapter 1 . 4/6/2004
Nice fic,
I agree that one of the Hinata girls' weakness is their insensitivity to the others outside Hinata-sou. It is like their whole world revolves around Keitaro and Hinata-sou itself, nothing more, nothing less.
The minor characters CAN be more interesting if you look them in the proper point of view. But it is not likely that many others will share that POV.
Anyway, great fic and it's just a strange thought but are you by chance Filipino? You just remind me of a friend I had there.
arpulver chapter 1 . 3/22/2004
Wow. I've always believed that the most important character in the series is the Hinatasou itself, and this story reminded me why. The inn is always presented as a sort of magical oasis, but it's rare to see the downside of that. Namely the way the inn teases several characters like Haitani and Kentaro, and spits them out unfulfilled.
Besides that, Kentaro offered a very interesting perspective of Naru that is ignored in favor of her beauty. She is so often put up on a very glamorous pedestal that it's easy to forget how many times in the series we really want to despise her. This story also points out the way the "Hinata Girls" are canonized, and how Haitani has no chance with Kitsune simply because of her residence.
There is a potential metaphorical aspect of this story that I find interesting as well- something about class structure and how commoners like Haitani and Kentaro dare not trifle in the affairs of the astute palace on the hill. In other words, Star, this is an incredibly deep and moving story. And Cheshire Cat is right- this is far too good to be treated as an ordinary songfic.
Artful chapter 1 . 3/21/2004
Lovely as ever, dear. Whenever I look at your writing, I always feel just as you do. *taps her nose* Love and heartbreak are always near eachother, a sharp drop from one to the other... may we always be well clear. _
althesushiloveingfanficsage too lazy for logging in chapter 1 . 3/20/2004
LOVE IT!
Very awsome, i'm a big supporter of the backround characters in my stories so your angsty little ditty really inspired me, which is good because the story i'm working on "sing out like a shotgun" is haitani being angsty so this helped muchly to get me in the mood.
well written, gave me a new persepctive on the H/K romance, but may you could have put in some about how shiri feels about the whole role he has, the shorter less confident haitani...no wait...i'll save that for my next story...back off, it's mine! i throught of it first, MINE!
Cheshire Cat5 chapter 1 . 3/20/2004
Hey, a good piece of angst... the minor characters are always worth investigating more deeply. Reminds me of some of the thoughts I had while writing my own Kitsune ficlet.
I think you've got a good handle on Kentaro - who is usually used as generic stereotype richkid, and yet (as you point out) he actually is sometimes generous and considerate (particularly in the Xmas episode). Haitani (and Shirai) are only used as comic relief in the series, and yet it is true that Keitaro neglects his 'old' friends once he lands the job in Hinata-sou. It shows well the pain of being used and the feelings of inadequacy and helplessness he might be suffering.
I don't know the song you are quoting, and in all honesty I think it may be better without it in there at all... Haruka's last line makes perfect sense without it, and so does the rest of the narrative.
You might also make the transition from Haitani to Kentaro clearer, although the hrule does help.
Good piece of writing.