Reviews for Redwall Defense Guide
RevealFanatic chapter 1 . 8/10/2014
This guide just about covers everything that has gone wrong in defending Redwall. I've always wondered how they never learned from history.
Anomoyus hare chapter 2 . 5/28/2014
Bloomin' good description on how these bloomin' Redwallers should defend themselves, wot!
Abbot Humble chapter 1 . 5/28/2014
Thank you, I take it by your accent in the writing you are a hare from Salmandastron perhaps? We Redwallers appreciate this guide, and have carved it into my cellar home's ceiling. Unfortunately, we did not receive this guide until after the slaying of Gulo the savage by the heroic squirrel, Rakkety Tam. The loss the hares have suffered during that conflict is unspeakable, and I give my deepest regrets to Colonel Crumshaw. This has come in handy, and has allowed us to defend us from minor attacks lately. With well tidings from

Abbot Humble of Redwall,
(Still cellar Hedgehog though)

P.S How is Tergen the bird?
Anonymous chapter 7 . 1/7/2013
You, Sir, are one clever chap.

I'll tell you, I almost died from gut-busting agony several times throughout your guide. It's plain to see that you know what you're talking about. I myself have wondered why NO ONE ever had the blinkin' brains to scramble half a plan together throughout Redwall's history. (That character Brian Jacques had something to do with it, I bet!)
This guide outlines every conceivable defense strategy that should've been utilized in the first place. You're absoballylutely genius, you are. Comedic Marvel, if I do say so m'self. This was written, what, 8 and-some-change years ago and it still cracked me up. TODAY.

Do you write other things? I sure hope so. I'm going to go check! Right this bally instant! Have a pleasant day, sir!
Izzyaro chapter 7 . 12/29/2012
That was hilarious. I love the Redwallers, but they really don't seem to have any common sense sometimes. Great job.
Princess Emji chapter 1 . 11/19/2012
Pfft ha, Sharp Pointy Object.
BugzAttack chapter 1 . 3/30/2012

Who knew there was a guide? They certainly would need one after all the times they've been attacked.
Sgt. Sporky chapter 4 . 5/12/2011
I can understand hare affinity for food. It's part of the reason my fursona is a hare. Ahem. This has been excellent and entirely correct thus far. Onward!
chrisfardell chapter 1 . 11/15/2010
This is very good.
Ceri Moriarty chapter 7 . 5/30/2010

Very, very funny.

OMG, you're right…all the trouble in the books could be very easily avoided if they just followed these simple rules…YOU GENIUS!
Topkicker26 chapter 2 . 4/30/2010
Good god this is so hilarious! I JUST read Loamhedge and it had that one part when they broke it! ROFLMFAO!

Awesome guide!

Stardawn chapter 7 . 9/4/2009
If only the Redwallers were smart enough to follow this great advice. Unfortunately, they're happy, stupid, bumbling, and very nice rodents. Still, it was worth a try, and it made tons of fans happy (including me)
Ketom Longstaff chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
Sadly, the Redwallers really could use this guide, but that wouldn't make for good novels I guess.
J-Kid chapter 7 . 4/28/2009
Mwahahaha. Excellent, although I've just started re-reading the Redwall books after having left them be for about ten years or so. Unfortunately now I'll be thinking back to this and smacking my head every time they do something drastically stupid. (Not that I didn't do that ANYWAY back when I was around thirteen.) Good points. They need you as a warrior of Redwall, or at least Coordinator of Redwall.
Lord Vrel chapter 3 . 3/19/2009
Heh, It's kind of sad that all of this is true.
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