|Reviews for Nightmare|
| Mendori-chan chapter 1 . 3/27/2004
Note to all the reviewers: I'm not done yet, okay? Don't complain yet! _ I'm working on it...workin on it...workin on it... workin on it... workin on it... workin on it... workin on it... workin on it... gah! It's a TSUZUxHISO. period. I'm not letting Hisoka get on his own sis.. I'm not crazy... _ hehehe.. go easy on me
| Starza chapter 1 . 3/26/2004
You know, if you don't like shounen-ai/yaoi, why are you writing Tsuzuki/Hisoka stories? It shone through your last story, and it's shining through this story.
I'd recommend you go here: /yaminomatsuei/ Theria's page has indepth descriptions and translations on the characters. If you read that, you'll learn all about Hisoka's family, backstory, how he was brought up and more. You'll find your story is very inaccurate compared to it.
Like someone said in a review, no one really likes reading about OCs, but they're not horrible either. Be unique with your OC, don't make them have any relationship with Hisoka or Tsuzuki. If you must, make an OC who slowly builds up a friendship with both shinigami. You don't need your OC to have a lot of angst for them to get paired up with Hisoka.
The problem is many people who write OCs make them unoriginal, they're copy-clones of each other. And most OCs fall in love with a canon character. And those OCs latch themselves onto Hisoka, probably the least likely person to fall in love with anyone else, save Tsuzuki.
If you REALLY must write a story where Hisoka's paired up with a female, I would highly recommend you write a story where he gets paired up with Saya or Yuma. Both have a fascination with him and would be fairly easy to write about.
As for the writing itself, it's not terrible, but it could be better. There's no real... feel behind it. There's no reason why anyone should really feel for Akine.
The writing part is there this time, but the ideas aren't, they've been done or they're terribly inaccurate to canon. If you read what I linked to you, you can probably still write a story on Hisoka's sister, but with a very different atmosphere.
| Haken Kreuz chapter 1 . 3/26/2004
It's a nice idea and you have okay description skills. The actions are sequences in an understandable order too. Kudos to you for that. You can make word enhancement in html format using and tags.
You need to work on your setting. I'm getting the feeling that all this is occuring in a pure white screen with no ground or sky at times, especially the first part when Hisoka wakes up. Think of everything as a movie, would conversation without body language and surrounding changes be a good scene?
Word of wisdom: don't ever use reviews to threaten; it makes you seem childish. Are you writing for yourself or just to boost your ego and see reviews? Also, I smell a MarySue, and no one likes a MarySue. Keep in mind, this is FanFiction. Deep down no one cares for your original characters, all they want to see is what happens to the canon ones. Don't ever forget that.
| NaTsUkO-ChAn chapter 1 . 3/26/2004
hehehe that's so nice and sweet... he has a lil sis ter who cares... but inthe manga... his sister who is having the same name as him got his father's and mother's love... adn him.. argg that's so sad in the manga for hisoak.. I like urs so much better.. it ur really r continueing with this ... please do tell me.. ok?...thanx...