|Reviews for The Secret|
| storm-of-insanity chapter 7 . 5/10/2005
i remember reading this somewhwere else on a beyblade fan site. it was good but kai having a MUM?
| TatisHiwatari chapter 7 . 4/24/2005
Hiya I read this story on it's pretty sadish since I have an uncle with cancer and he was in the hospital for a year ,but besides that I like this ficcy! _
| Queen of Fantasy chapter 7 . 10/10/2004
Aw...how cute. I have had a case of fits before when I was younger. My mum was so worried that she had to shut down her whole business for a while(maybe like months!) to take care of me! Now, whenever I have a fever, my mum would get all worried and stuff. Oh yea, I sleeptalk and sometimes sleepwalk too. Just hope I don't jump off a building like Kai did...
Heh, good story. I like the ending. Wanna make a sequel?
| Flame Saber chapter 1 . 7/3/2004
Interesting ...plz update and if u have the time can u read one of my stories
| Hagall chapter 4 . 4/10/2004
Okay... this is tricky.
I read up to here, and decided to review now.
I guess the main thing is that it's too listy.
Just an example:
"Joe (hey, I'm thinking on my feet) fell over.
Then Jenny picked him up and asked if he was OK
Then Joe said Yes, I'm fine.
Then Jenny went away..."
That's a really exaggerated example... I'm not trying to be horrible or anything, but that's what it's like. It's a bit... boring, really. You've got a fantastic plot going, but you need to flesh it out a bit.
(I think I'd better go now, cos you're probably going to hate me for saying all this.)
| Dranzer Vulcan chapter 1 . 4/9/2004
I like this story a lot! Anyway, I must get going Bye!
| Frostt chapter 1 . 4/8/2004
hm...uhh... well you couyld have done that a lot better. I dont mean to hurt your feelings but it wasnt that great. The Plot rocked, i mean thats why i read the whole story through. The plot and the title is what brought me to your story. What you did wrong was you didnt describe at all... the key tp having a really good story is to have lots of details, so its an image.
You rushed everything way too much... one second they were in the hospital, the next at school
You didnt have anything tie in... None of the events gradually led up to the next, you brought each event to a cliff, then brushed it off.
You had majot OOC (out of character) which is fine, but you shouldve described what they were thinking at the time.. i mean no one would worry about eating, when theyre freind is near death. ALso when Kai finally told mariah... you had her just brush it off with no remark, or after thought. If you would like to e-mail me at
Ill be more than happy to help you out, or explain things better, or if you just want to yell at me and stuff, thats fine too... but i almost think you should consider reposting this, with more then one chapter, and with the above sudgestions. So dont get all sad by this review.. its not a flame.. its a suggestion, and a comment. The plot is great, and you shouldnt put such a great plot into the closet, you should use it and work of off it... so once agane e-mail me and ill be happy to help. I really want to see you repost this fic, because its a great idea... but then again.. what do i know?