I enjoyed your story. There was plenty of humor in it, and that had me smiling. While I feel sorry for Kakashi, I'm happy that Lee has a chance at least. And who knows, maybe things will get better for Kakashi in the sequal. ;)

However, through-out your story I found a reoccuring mistake with grammer when it came to speech. All my examples are going to come from this chapter. Here's one:

"Of course, now you just have to stay for breakfast." Mrs. Haruno said...

The correct way to type this is:

"Of course, now you just hae to stay for breakfast," Mrs. Haruno said...

When speech is followed by a description of said speech, where the verb is something such as 'said,' 'yelled,' 'whined,' etc., a comma should be at the end of the talking, instead of a period. It connects everything together moreso, and makes the sentence fluid. However, if after the speech is an action, a period should be used because the talking and the action aren't really related. Since I'm not always good at explaining things, I'll make up a few more examples of the correct way to connect speech into sentences.

(verb describing speech) "Good morning class," Iruka said as he sat down at his desk.

(action verb in other sentence) "Good morning class." Iruka sat down at his desk.

Another thing I noticed is that, after speech where it is appropriate to use a comma to connect the two parts together, you start the non-speaking part with a capital letter at the beginning. Since the comma connects the two parts together, a capitalized letter is not neccessary because a new sentence is not being started. Here's an example from your story:

"Yes." She ground out, dumping them on the table before turning to glare at Lee.

There are two things wrong with this sentence (a comma is needed, and the 'she' should not be capitalized because it's finishing up the setence):

"Yes," she ground out...

The same principle of having a lowercase afterwards works even when a question or exclamation mark is used. I'll correct one of your setences to show my point:

"What are you doing here?" She snarled, her eyes seeming to flash red for a moment before she sighed.

Likes when a comma is used, the 'she' should be lowercase because the 'snarl' in the sentence describes the speech. So it should look like:

"What are you doing here?" she snarled...

Likewise, an exclamation mark would be used like this:

"I never knew that!" the girl exclaimed.

An eclipses (...) would be the same:

"I'm so bored..." the girl complained as she let her head thump against the wall.

Usually this mistake isn't as noticeable because when names are used right after the speech they are naturally capitalized. But everytime you had a period where a comma should have been it was mildly disconcerting for me. It felt like what should have been one sentence had been chopped into two.

And one last thing (yes, I know, you're probably getting tired of all these corrections, but please bear with me). When having two different sections of speech-with a section of text describing the speech in the middle-the same problems occured. This is trickier, not only to explain but to also write grammically correct. Here's a madeup example to maybe explain better:

"So..." the jounin said lazily, careful not to seem interested, "where were you last night?"

Commas should be used because it's all basically one huge sentence. The 'where' in the second part of speech isn't capitalized because it's basically a continuation of the sentence stared by 'so' in the first part.

I love your story, but your grammer just needs to be brushed up on. A lot of people make the same grammer mistakes, and I try to give advice and correct it when I can. I hate seeing such writing potential being flawed by such an easily fixable error. I hope I was more helpful than irritating or confusing. I know it'd be a lot to fix in this fic, but it's something to keep in mind when you start writing new things.

Well, I'll probably start reading the sequal soon. I can't wait to see what happens next, what with how you left everything in such a deliciously jumbled mess here. And even though my corrections took up most of the review, I truely did enjoy this fic. I wouldn't spend all this time trying to figure out how to explain things as clearly as possible if I didn't think that you had potential to be very good. I hope you keep writing and improving.

I really love this story and can't wait for the third chapter of the sequal. It's so kyute!

S3x godz!

My only problem was that in the beginning, you made it seem like Iruka had some sort of memory or appearance from when he was older, a wisdom of sorts. And then at the end, he forgot all about it. It's not that fact itself that bothers me really, but more or less that I was looking foreward to their fight they were supposed to have.

Like I said though, waiting anxiously for sequal updates. Keep up the awesome work!

-Hyper C.

hmm..intresting.

though I was quite waiting for more things about sasuke and naruot..but ho well, no can do, eh?

aw, sweet storey!

Lee Sakura's umbrella everyone dying from eyesore

omg. there are no words to describe how much i love this story! it's absolutely charming and kawaii and i can't wait to read the next chapter! poor kakashi, not having iruka remember, and poor iruka not being able to remember. update soon!

i havent and dont plan to read your story but I just wanted to comment on the fact that you were the only author to finish a story on New Years Day.

i agree, but poor kakashi, everything does seem to happen to him -sighs- GREAT JOB! that made me feel warm and fuzzy inside! _

SAKULEE IS "SQUEE!" _ Love love love! Sakura's mom totally rocks!

Very cute, love the "on the side" romance!

Geuna~

Gah! Chapter 19 leaves me hanging a bit! X( Heh Lee and Sakura is always kind of cute! _

*sob* the story is done

*cheer* there is a sequal

*laugh* poor Lee

AH! ::cries:: Kakashi-sensei... poor you. 3

Aw, the ending left me hanging, bro! The umbrealla scene was OMFGYES adorable though.

Can't you just put a teeny bit of KAkashi and Iruka the next chapter...? It's alright if you don't thought, yay for LeexSakura love ;

Oh I love this story so much! You did a great job portraying little Iruka as a complete hell-raiser, and I love that you didn't make Kakashi completely incompetant with kids. I can't wait for the next part!

~frack

Yay! Yay! I lurve your story! If it were a food, I would eat little peices everyday to savor the delicious-ness. Then I would destroy anyone who ever thought about eating it...umm...I just kinda rambled on there...to make a long review short... I lurve your story!