Reviews for Pursuit
Clorinda chapter 9 . 2/12/2007
Avid fan of "Witch Hunter Robin," and loving the quality fanfiction that this category seems to churn out, I do believe this fic is definitely one of your best works, if not *the* best.

It starts off as so deceptively simple, vaguely banal and "Oi, haven't I read this somewhere before?" but not even a quarter-way through, I'm leaning forward in the chair, eyes glued to the screen. By the time the end comes, ("Dammit! It was way too short!") there is a mixture of poignancy and heart-wrenching feeling that makes me want to read this over and over again, and if "you only live once," you also only get to review the same number of times.

Your ending nearly made me cry. The first time I found this story, I browsed through the chapters before actually starting to read, and did the most taboo thing available— peeked at the ending. Without knowing the story, my throat felt cottony. Having read the story, I feel no differently, only touched deeper.

I love how Mai and Amon meet, how she tries to save herself (innovative!), and the hospital scene where Nagira is hired to help abduct her was one of my favourite parts. It indeed seemed *pretty* odd that Amon would go out of his way to call for his half-brother's help. I couldn't wait to find out why.

And as I will repeat this over and over again, I woke up feeling stupid today. Why *did* Nagira help Amon hide Robin?

There was one discrepancy that I couldn't figure out properly (it's from Chapter Three: Waking Up):

[“My name is Mai Shiohama. I think I may have saved your brother’s life.” She winced at the melodramatic way it sounded.

Nagira stared then burst out laughing. “That must have ticked him off. Ho Ho, poor Amon. Saved by a girl, and a witch too.” Nagira slapped his leg and bent double in mirth. It was contagious. Mai started giggling too, then yelped an “Ow” as her movements upset her bullet wound.

Nagira gradually stopped laughing, and grasped the metal bars on the side of Mai’s gurney, looking at her approvingly. “You’ll do, Mai Izuki. I think you’ll do just fine.”]

Okay, so was it a typo that made her last name "Shiohama," or is "Shiohama" her last name, and by calling her "Izuki," Nagira was helping her start a life in hiding with a new name?

I like Hirata a lot. He is a very interesting fellow, and the assortment of things he brings Mai to entertain her proves it. [Hirata brought her tattered paperback novels and old manga that he got cheap at a used bookstore, and taught her to play chess.] I *love* the detail— especially the manga. (Your writing style is fresh and original, and it’s a really, *really* exquisite pleasure to read.)

There is a plain-and-out typo in the third chapter (brilliant bit about Hirata and Nagira turning into hair-cutters and hair-stylists):

[And brushing her objections aside, he convinced Hirata, who was pouring over the magazine, eyes squinted in concentration, to start.]

Shouldn't it be "poring" over the magazine?

I don't know why I like Hirata so much, but there was a particularly poignant moment:

[“Do you like it?” Hirata’s voice was offhand, but Mai could tell it mattered to him.]

[“Good,” Nagira plucked the mirror away, “I can’t have a dowdy looking secretary, now can I? My old one fell in love and left to get married...”]

[He leaned forward, causing his desk chair to squeak in protest at the sudden shift. “The last three girls I hired said it would take an army to get my files in order.”]

It keeps make me smile. (People are starting to think I'm going mental, flashing random grins like this.)

Quick thinking doesn't surpass how she saved Mikeo from Doujima. That was a *very* good chapter.

[“’Course not. If you’d been in on it you’d have left by now. ..."]

Good clean fight; an excellent intelligent!Nagira

[“Here.” She kneeled impulsively, unwound her scarf and offered it to the child. He glanced at his mother, then snatched it, and stepped back as if frightened that Mai would change her mind and take it back. Mai smiled, and stood up, backing away out of grabbing distance, to stand at Nagira’s side.]

*That*, more than just the sight of the boy, was heart-rendering. Extremely touching— "grabbing distance." (Did I ever tell you I love the way you use your words?)

And *Hiko*? As in— Hiko Seijurro? ... a small-scale model, of course.

[There was something cathartic about pouring out her aggressions into crushing cars. It made her feel powerful, and alive.]

Powerful. Ouch. The first sign of trouble?

"The old couple" that Nagira saved sounds extremely familiar and ridiculously elusive ... If my memory *is* correct, then, wow. Intelligent.

[Nagira pointed to a many-layered white building with slate colored roofs garnished with gold accents. It rose up from a base of heavy stone blocks, giving it an uneven look as if a giant child had piled stones together, but an adult giant had painstakingly built a doll’s house on top.]

That was extremely, *very* vivid. A pen-picture that's both visualize-able and innovative.

The blue cell phone was extremely, *extremely* good.

What happened in Osaka, was definitely a little scary. It was easy to expect something like that, but I never, *ever* thought there would be bone juice served with the dish as well. Mai was *scary*— a bit like Roald Dahl's Mary in "Lamb to the Slaughter." That coldness and the easy lies— wow, Nagira's apparent obliviousness was chilling.

But,

[Muttering a curse, Nagira staggered to his feet, his hand still clasped against his head. “Where is he now?”

Don’t look at the dumpster. Thought Mai silently. Just don’t notice it. “He’s gone now.” It was the truth, but it made him assume a lie.]

I didn't understand the "it made him assume a lie" part— could you please explain it? I woke up feeling extraordinarily daft this morning.

Even the *name* of Chapter Seven was extremely apt.

[She kept reliving that moment when she’d nearly crushed Nagira, just because he’d distracted her. ... Sometimes in her dreams, she didn’t even care.]

Loved it.

When it said, "After Osaka, everything changed," that was the standard cliché. I didn't expect the cliché to work out so good. "Nagira was like a child excited about a new toy." That's the creepy way of putting it.

[Suddenly, she missed her mother, and wondered if she’d gone on with her life, thinking her only child dead.]

Indeed, it's one of those sad things in life, if you look at the reciprocal of that. To think of someone *not* moving on with their life, just because they're afraid that their daughter's going to think that way.

[“Come on. You saved his life.” Nagira’s tone was joking, but there was an edge to it.]

Ouch.

The absolute end of Chapter Seven had me a little puzzled. Since when did Nagira turn into Big-Hearted Bob overnight?

Isao Watanambe's story was downright unanticipated. At first, I was feeling smug for having pre-guessed the writer, but by the time I finished the newspaper, I was choking on humble pie— I'd thought he was going to do in his paternal cousin.

[... crushed by a pool of water] was deathly scary.

[“Not about Isao. About us. I want there to be an ‘us’.”]

Does romantic one-liner get anymore one-line romantic? (And I thought you said fluff *wasn't* your thing?)

The part that comes immediately after that in Chapter Eight— deserves a loud round of applause. For the first time, someone has the grace to write the "memorising his/her face" thing with a good enough and appropriate reason. Kudos.

[As she left the building, it began to rain. Mai lifted her face to it, feeling the cold drops against the warm air, put her head down and walked away.]

Sad, sad, sad, cruelly sad ... ::starts bawling::

Hey, wait, the church program ... Are you sure that this isn't pre-canon, and Mai and Robin are the one and the same?

I don't like Father Juliano. [“Yes.” The priest answered simply. “If you truly desire to be changed, only He can change you.”] He doesn't repeat the "God helps those who help themselves" spiel.

[... until she could stay by Nagira’s side with no self-doubt...]

I just got pierced through the heart with an icicle.
Tylec Asroc chapter 9 . 6/6/2005
I like this story, and the perspective of a young fugitive it offers. I really got a sense of panic and insecurity and hopelessness as this invisible enemy closed around Mai, and she knows nowhere to go.

Loved the elephant simile.

“The stones were beginning to blacken with the pollution of the city, but the underlying beauty was still there in its arched windows and carved ornamentation.” – I wonder if this last bit might serve as a metaphor for Mai?
YellowDancer chapter 9 . 8/24/2004
I really liked how you finished this fic out. I didn't expect the Father Juliano thing, but I think it fit in well. I loved how you developed things between Nagira and Mai, and though it makes me sad that she went away, it probably was for the best-and it makes everything so much angstier. I cracked up when Amon showed up with the newspaper and was all pissed off. That was pretty funny-though the news itself wasn't funny. I had a feeling that witch was bad news. I think it was refreshing to read a fic though in which Amon was not the main love interest. Nagira is awesome. You should write more Nagira based stuff-you write him well. Actually, I think reading this inspired me to make sure I included him in my fic after all-I wasn't going to since I already have a Nagira-ish character and it takes place so early in the series, but I couldn't help myself. Thank you for your reviews, by the way.
yelly chapter 9 . 8/23/2004
OMG this is great this is like the only fic i have ever read about nagira and his past you so could in corporate Mia in a Robin and Amon fic after they ecape from the factory and get some help for father juliano and it also explains why Robin could speak japanese when she was raised in italy you know mia tough her and then get nagira and Mia together or something

think about it

lol
Sakura-Angel-04 chapter 9 . 8/22/2004
AWW come on Omasu! Your not leaving it at that are you? (
Sakura-Angel-04 chapter 7 . 8/20/2004
YAY! OKAY! So hury up and make the next one you sain yourself that you have nothing better to do!
kate chapter 1 . 8/19/2004
Mary Sue rears her pretty face.
Sakura-Angel-04 chapter 6 . 8/18/2004
Yo! Good chappie! Now just because ya have to work doesn't mean you can slack one me! P
YellowDancer chapter 4 . 8/17/2004
I can't believe there aren't more reviews for this fic! It's very well written, the characters are very believable and the idea is incredibly original. I can only imagine people are avoiding it because they think it's a Mary Sue fic or something, but I don't get that impression of it at all. I didn't go back to the show to check, but I'm assuming Mai is Nagira's secretary in the series and not just a prior secretery we never saw. And Hirata is the random guy who never speaks and is only smirking in a creepy way. Even if that isn't the case, I think you've done a good job of showing the other side of things and I'm very interested to see what you do with it next. Oh, and since I forgot to mention it before, Nagira kicks ass and I'm glad to see him playing such an important role in your story. I didn't manage to work him into my own fic, but he is one of my favorite characters. Only someone as cool as Nagira could pull off that white "big pimpin'" coat with such flair. Please keep writing and don't get discouraged by the lack of reviews . . . maybe if you adjusted your summary it would help?
Sakura-Angel-04 chapter 4 . 8/14/2004
I think that this is a record for you! Two updates in like a week! Oh ya! Review wasn't working last chapter, so this is a double review! Glad to FINALLY see Nagira!
Sakura-Angel-04 chapter 2 . 7/30/2004
It's really good! I'm glad to be of service! Have fun on your trip!
Sakura-Angel-04 chapter 1 . 7/26/2004
Wow... you know you really need to quit slacking, Omasu and post the next chapter. _
FanFic Overlord chapter 1 . 4/16/2004
No one ever gives Kate any credit and too many people have the same "Amon and Robin running" plot line. It's nice to see some creativity and a character hardly ever used. Nice work.