|Reviews for SNAFU Revisited|
| Ghostwriter chapter 4 . 2/24/2008
Great job. Keep it up. Catch ya on the flip side.
| pacificbluegirl chapter 4 . 1/7/2006
you say you're not a writer but you've just (okay not just now but last year :P) written this, which isn't easy... I know! The story... well it was a bit too fluffy, happy, huggy for my taste... even though TC being the father is perfect in my world the reactions seems a bit too perfect if you know what I mean.
I love PB fic's and I wish people would still write them... including you! :)
Greetings from Sweden.
| Maartje chapter 4 . 12/28/2004
Don't be so hard on yourself. You're just starting out as a writer, you need some confidence! It is very hard to write in anything but past tense, I couldn't pull it off to save my life.
Maybe you should get a beta reader? I'd offer my services if I had the time :S
Anyway, maybe you want to think about adding some description of the various scenes, that makes it easier to feel with and for the characters. Without description it all sounds a bit wooden. Like cardboard cutouts don't compare to real actors.
Hell, I sound stuck up. I just mean to say, practise, loads and loads of practice makes perfect (unless your Anne Rice or Jean Auell). When I look back on my first stories I cringe, and I'm pretty sure I'll cringe about the things I'm writing now in a few years.
Just stick to it and have some fun along the way.
Sheesh I'm long winded today.
| Reddie chapter 3 . 5/30/2004
Is this the last chapter? I get the feeling it is, but I hope not, because I'd like to see some elaboration of the baby discussion between Cory and Tc. We've seen this little dialogue before. Not that I don't think Tc would be ok about it, but it's not very original.
The Monica part in this appears like something you just put in there to make the story longer, because it ends very abruptly and doesn't bring anything to the main story. But apart from that it's good!
| Callaway Queen chapter 1 . 5/29/2004
T.C's reaction sounded just like what Doug or whatever his name was had said to Cory when she told him she was pregnant. She just keeps having rejections doesnt she? she should take a hint...!
| Maartje chapter 3 . 5/29/2004
Oh boy, I feel trouble stirring already. Recovering substance abuser who hasn't dealt with his wife leaving yes is going to have a child with a woman who loves two men, is his sergeant and best friend of his wife.
Of course they would be happy! Why would they need to have an actual conversation about it when they can figure it all out in just a few sentences?
Sorry if I am being a bit sarcastic, but this happy happy joy joy solution doesn't really seem to work.
Here's the thing, I'm not good at constructive critism, I have been told I sound mean when I try. So please bear with me, it is not meant to be mean.
he joyfully exclaims, “That is great news! I can’t believe I’m going to be a father.
| Reddie chapter 2 . 5/26/2004
Unusual thinking with the apartments, but I have a feeling this can turn out to be an interesting idea...Please finish this even if it takes a while!
| Chiquinta chapter 2 . 5/17/2004
Well it is a novel thought having Cory and Monica swap apartments. Nobody has thought of it before.
But if I was Cory I'd be worried about Monica trashing the place or doing the dirty in my bed.
| Maartje chapter 1 . 4/21/2004
I'm not a TC/Cory fan but I don't mind them together (anymore, I had some issues though :P) I understand Cory being really upset about having to tell TC, and feeling lonely, so it is a good call that her subconsious would want to have a say in the matter.
The whole present tense is a bit confusing though.
If you are going to continue this (please do!) I hope you will have TC a bit more in character then the dream TC was...
Uhm, suggestions as to how you can go on:
-Cory decides not to tell TC
-She tells TC and they're all happy and in love and get married and... oops just lost my breakfast. So I still have issues. *grumbles*
-She tells Will that he is the father in stead
-She tells TC and he reacts positively, he'll support them in any way he can but he is still in love with Chris, if you are aiming for TC/Cory romance this could nicely grow over time.
-She tells but TC doesn't want the baby and is mean (not very probable, he'd at least offer money)
-Cory decides not to tell TC but stuff happens so he finds out anyway.
-Cory calls Chris (well she is her best friend!) for some support making everything even more complicated.
-Cory tells TC, they have the baby and over time get more and more romantically involved until they just really love each other a lot (n stuff) and then Chris comes back and complicates the situation even more!
-Cory loses this baby as well :(
Well now one tiny bit of critism (hopefully constructive) You could make it all a bit more animated.
Cory draws a bath. Cory sits in bath. Cory orders in.
It's all a bit cut and dry, you get your point across (though I haven't figured out if she got out the bath before ordering the food yet) but it doesn't make for a nicer read...
Yup that's all, I'll shut up now :D please do go on with this, can't wait for more.
| Chiquinta chapter 1 . 4/21/2004
I liked it. Even though the Tc/Cory/Snafu thing has been done over and over this was different.
Other reviewers might disagree but I liked that even though Cory was angsting about telling Tc you still kept it short. I've read many a romance novel and their angsting goes on for chapters.
The dream sequence wasn't realistic but nor does it have to be, considering it's a dream. I have nightmares every night and all I can say is thank Budda they aren't real.
No need to feel so lonely, everyone's addicted to bass.
| Reddie chapter 1 . 4/21/2004
New author and story! Great! Since I'm a Tc/Cory fan I'm gonna ignore that this topic has been made some times before, but it's gonna be interesting to see how you continue this. You write in present tense which makes this kinda like a script instead of a story. I got the impression that I'm studying for playing the roles as TC/Cory. And well, I'm glad the conversation part was all a dream, because that was really out of character. I hope you make this a TC/Cory fic, would be fun if you included the others as well though. Keep it up!