|Reviews for The Twenty|
| RykOakwine chapter 2 . 7/18
And it gets even more contrived. The ideal that the person hiring a calligrapher can't know who they are hiring because...the calligrapher will give away the secret info being written? It's an obvious plot hole, set up to allow Snape's manuscript to get I to the hands of s9meone he'd not have approved, no doubt Hermione will be convinced of his brilliance and his tender heart...
Yeah, far too contrived for me.
| RykOakwine chapter 1 . 7/18
For a first chapter this was difficult to get through. So many parts of the story's set up come across as forced or contrived that there are just too many WTF moments in chapter 1 to make it an easy read.
The rarity of Catholics in the UK was first. Why aren't the Granger's Anglican? In most stories where the Granger's and Hermione are religious they end up Catholic, likely because the authors aren't familiar with the Church of England and how prevalent it is in the UK. But, okay, whatever.
Having Pansy Parkinson singing in a Muggle church choir, especially a Catholic one, strains credulity. Having her parents, the Malfoy's, AND Severus Snape attend the Muggle choir performance votes beyond straining credulity.
Then we're told Hermione is nearing 18 years old, due to the time turner in 3rd year. As she should be 3 months from 17 we're being asked to believe she gained more than a year of age during the 9 months of her 3rd year. Which means she'd have to have used the time turner to gain MORE than n entire day every day of the school year. Quite a bit ore than a day extra per school day as a matter of fact. Hermione? Using the time turner for far far more than we authorized? Has the author met the canon Hermione Granger?
Speaking of OOC behaviors, Snape musing about Hermione's brilliant going outside the box in potions solutions? The same Hermione Granger who in canon in 6th year spent the whole year going ballistic and damaging her friendship with Harry over him going away from what the Holy Textbooks said to do with potions?
Her schoolgirls crush on Severus Snape is then mentioned. Another "more than strains credulity" addition to what we see in canon. It's simply impossible to believe she'd have a crush on someone who been so unremittingly cruel to her friend Harry and who was constantly unjust in running his classroom, cruel to her personally as well as all Griffyndors. The author wishes us to believe she had a crush on this cruel, unfair, hostile, unattractive, Death Eater?
Ah. That's why the unbelievable extra aging, trying to set up a Hermoine/Snape romance before 6th year and trying to make it not be rape/child molestation in the eyes of the law and at least squicky in the eyes of everyone else. But it takes so many OOC and unbelievable set up items that it almost makes the set up chapter unreadable.
Too contrived, all for the sake of a romance that's utterly unbelievable in the first place. :/
And that's a shame, as the writing style is pretty good.
| Angelus chapter 25 . 7/8
Finally! Sorry to say, but that was tiresome. You've Dragged it out so much that's its so thin, it's transparent. I'm appalled at how easily you stripped Hermione of all her dignity time and time again, the last of which being that she's spied on. It's ridiculous. Do you like her character at all? I mean you've made her jump through so many hoops she resembles a circus monkey and/or a fool. Take your pick. She's also more stupid than I'd ever give her credit for on her worst day,I don't remember her ever being so stupid... And the angst, you should really re-categorise, coz there's nothing romantic about it other than the end which was pretty anti climactic because of the sheer amount of angst. I had to keep reminding myself that it WAS Severus and Hermione you were writing about, didn't seem like them at all. How about old Voldy THE threat just letting Severus go. Out of the goodness of his heart? I've gotta stop there, there's just too much to comment about.
| Angelus chapter 1 . 7/6
Look, there's a good reason why JK hasn't attached any religion to her story, for you do so and not appreciate and expect flames is laughable. However that being said I appreciate a good story and will take a religious themed one over a rape fic everytime.
| deliciousflowerfire chapter 8 . 6/20
Crookshanks featuring, a lot of girl power... yay
| TashaRose chapter 25 . 6/16
Amazing and thorough story idea. This was quite a novel. Excellently written. Good characterizations. Good plot. Bravo all around.
| DoobyDoobyDooBopAgentP chapter 25 . 4/24
wow this was an awesome story. Kudos to you
| vijaykumar chapter 1 . 4/8
Greetings to you in the name of lord jesus christ.
brother,my name is vijaykumar.i am a preacher in uppugundur church of i am doing of god's work is going very well.
our surroundings also i am doing our god's work was done.
brother i am seeing in internet .in that your work was very nice and also your effort is very good.
in that mission work is done in different great work was done.
so,please add me and our congregation in your mission trip.I am doing only our god's our congregation 75 members are
attend in every come in india and see my work.i want to interest to do god's work with you and your cooperation.
please add india mission work in your trip.i am believe with you brother.
| I like tea chapter 25 . 4/3
Thank you very much for this story! I really like it and I have read it several times already. It is in my personal top three of the HP fanfictions!
| Guest in Europe chapter 25 . 2/27
I've skipped over this story a couple times, hesitating to deal with what seemed to be a story with an overtly religious sub-text, but finally I succumbed and I am so glad I did. I really enjoyed your compelx and beautiful tale.
Thank you for your wonderful work and for sharing it.
Given that it is now sometime since you uploaded it, I sincerely hope your own life is in a happier place than when you finished this. My condolences on your sad loss and best wishes for you.
| jensteed chapter 25 . 2/1
It was a good story and I had a lot of fun reading.
| Fantomette34 chapter 25 . 1/6
Encore une fois bravo pour votre écriture et merci pour la fin heureuse entre Hermione et Severus (il mérite tant de connaître le bonheur ).
Mille mercis pour ces merveilleux moments de lecture !
Bonne et Heureuse Année 2015 !
| Fantomette34 chapter 24 . 1/6
Merveilleuse fic sur HG/SS, j'ai adoré totalement votre manière de raconter cette intrigue passionnante !
Félicitations pour votre travail de qualité !
| Luna de Papel chapter 25 . 12/22/2014
This was an amazing ride, even after all the time (and books) between you writing and me reading. I enjoyed it immensely despite the lack of the promised epilogue :)
Merry Christmas to you, and a happy 2015.
| mama123 chapter 24 . 11/21/2014
What an amazing story! ! Well thought out. Slow building and exciting at the same time. Its so so long yet no part is boring! Attention to details. A very believable AU story. Well done!
I saw ur story in many people's fav stories but never read because I didn't find the summary appealing.
I am glad I read it now. Thank you for sharing!