|Reviews for The Twenty|
| QueenMagic1917 chapter 1 . 2/8
The writing is difficult to read. it seems so choppy... the story does not flow and the emotions seem too contrived. You had a good plot but I am afraid, this story doesn't make for a satisfying read. I know it is from a long time ago, but consider rewriting and make use of the beta readers that offers to its authors.
| misuky7 chapter 25 . 1/9
This was fangtastic. I especially love the reference to Clan of the Cave Bear, it's one of my favorite books. I do so adore Severus and Hermione, they are beau. I also liked Pansy and Hermione's friendship - She's my favorite female Slytherin. :3
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/3
Your Catholic expressions are very good. This is not my first time to read this story. I have enjoyed it several times. Carry on.
| Ratinlove chapter 15 . 12/3/2015
Amazing chapter. Wow. So well written and so interesting and grasping. I read it in one breath. Can't wait to see what happens next. Thank you! So far I love this story so much!
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/23/2015
Please if you are going to introduce religion, make it a denomination that actually suits the character. Catholicism does not suit Hermione at all and there is no excuse given how rare it is in the UK. Also most of the long established Catholic choirs do not feature female singers.
Adding such strong religious affiliations where there were absolutely none previously feels incredibly pushy. I won't be reading further, but I guess you are not surprised.
Another point of note, this happens after 5th year, after Lucius has tried to kill Hermione in the DoM so Pansy's disapproval of Hermione acting skittish around the Malfoy family seems incredibly hard to swallow.
| Stevie K chapter 25 . 10/28/2015
I really enjoy reading this all the way to the end. Thanks.
| RykOakwine chapter 2 . 7/18/2015
And it gets even more contrived. The ideal that the person hiring a calligrapher can't know who they are hiring because...the calligrapher will give away the secret info being written? It's an obvious plot hole, set up to allow Snape's manuscript to get I to the hands of s9meone he'd not have approved, no doubt Hermione will be convinced of his brilliance and his tender heart...
Yeah, far too contrived for me.
| RykOakwine chapter 1 . 7/18/2015
For a first chapter this was difficult to get through. So many parts of the story's set up come across as forced or contrived that there are just too many WTF moments in chapter 1 to make it an easy read.
The rarity of Catholics in the UK was first. Why aren't the Granger's Anglican? In most stories where the Granger's and Hermione are religious they end up Catholic, likely because the authors aren't familiar with the Church of England and how prevalent it is in the UK. But, okay, whatever.
Having Pansy Parkinson singing in a Muggle church choir, especially a Catholic one, strains credulity. Having her parents, the Malfoy's, AND Severus Snape attend the Muggle choir performance votes beyond straining credulity.
Then we're told Hermione is nearing 18 years old, due to the time turner in 3rd year. As she should be 3 months from 17 we're being asked to believe she gained more than a year of age during the 9 months of her 3rd year. Which means she'd have to have used the time turner to gain MORE than n entire day every day of the school year. Quite a bit ore than a day extra per school day as a matter of fact. Hermione? Using the time turner for far far more than we authorized? Has the author met the canon Hermione Granger?
Speaking of OOC behaviors, Snape musing about Hermione's brilliant going outside the box in potions solutions? The same Hermione Granger who in canon in 6th year spent the whole year going ballistic and damaging her friendship with Harry over him going away from what the Holy Textbooks said to do with potions?
Her schoolgirls crush on Severus Snape is then mentioned. Another "more than strains credulity" addition to what we see in canon. It's simply impossible to believe she'd have a crush on someone who been so unremittingly cruel to her friend Harry and who was constantly unjust in running his classroom, cruel to her personally as well as all Griffyndors. The author wishes us to believe she had a crush on this cruel, unfair, hostile, unattractive, Death Eater?
Ah. That's why the unbelievable extra aging, trying to set up a Hermoine/Snape romance before 6th year and trying to make it not be rape/child molestation in the eyes of the law and at least squicky in the eyes of everyone else. But it takes so many OOC and unbelievable set up items that it almost makes the set up chapter unreadable.
Too contrived, all for the sake of a romance that's utterly unbelievable in the first place. :/
And that's a shame, as the writing style is pretty good.
| Angelus chapter 25 . 7/8/2015
Finally! Sorry to say, but that was tiresome. You've Dragged it out so much that's its so thin, it's transparent. I'm appalled at how easily you stripped Hermione of all her dignity time and time again, the last of which being that she's spied on. It's ridiculous. Do you like her character at all? I mean you've made her jump through so many hoops she resembles a circus monkey and/or a fool. Take your pick. She's also more stupid than I'd ever give her credit for on her worst day,I don't remember her ever being so stupid... And the angst, you should really re-categorise, coz there's nothing romantic about it other than the end which was pretty anti climactic because of the sheer amount of angst. I had to keep reminding myself that it WAS Severus and Hermione you were writing about, didn't seem like them at all. How about old Voldy THE threat just letting Severus go. Out of the goodness of his heart? I've gotta stop there, there's just too much to comment about.
| Angelus chapter 1 . 7/6/2015
Look, there's a good reason why JK hasn't attached any religion to her story, for you do so and not appreciate and expect flames is laughable. However that being said I appreciate a good story and will take a religious themed one over a rape fic everytime.
| deliciousflowerfire chapter 8 . 6/20/2015
Crookshanks featuring, a lot of girl power... yay
| TashaRose chapter 25 . 6/16/2015
Amazing and thorough story idea. This was quite a novel. Excellently written. Good characterizations. Good plot. Bravo all around.
| OfficialAmestrianMilitary chapter 25 . 4/24/2015
wow this was an awesome story. Kudos to you
| vijaykumar chapter 1 . 4/8/2015
Greetings to you in the name of lord jesus christ.
brother,my name is vijaykumar.i am a preacher in uppugundur church of i am doing of god's work is going very well.
our surroundings also i am doing our god's work was done.
brother i am seeing in internet .in that your work was very nice and also your effort is very good.
in that mission work is done in different great work was done.
so,please add me and our congregation in your mission trip.I am doing only our god's our congregation 75 members are
attend in every come in india and see my work.i want to interest to do god's work with you and your cooperation.
please add india mission work in your trip.i am believe with you brother.
| I like tea chapter 25 . 4/3/2015
Thank you very much for this story! I really like it and I have read it several times already. It is in my personal top three of the HP fanfictions!