|Reviews for The Twenty|
| Guest in Europe chapter 25 . 2/27
I've skipped over this story a couple times, hesitating to deal with what seemed to be a story with an overtly religious sub-text, but finally I succumbed and I am so glad I did. I really enjoyed your compelx and beautiful tale.
Thank you for your wonderful work and for sharing it.
Given that it is now sometime since you uploaded it, I sincerely hope your own life is in a happier place than when you finished this. My condolences on your sad loss and best wishes for you.
| jensteed chapter 25 . 2/1
It was a good story and I had a lot of fun reading.
| Fantomette34 chapter 25 . 1/6
Encore une fois bravo pour votre écriture et merci pour la fin heureuse entre Hermione et Severus (il mérite tant de connaître le bonheur ).
Mille mercis pour ces merveilleux moments de lecture !
Bonne et Heureuse Année 2015 !
| Fantomette34 chapter 24 . 1/6
Merveilleuse fic sur HG/SS, j'ai adoré totalement votre manière de raconter cette intrigue passionnante !
Félicitations pour votre travail de qualité !
| Luna de Papel chapter 25 . 12/22/2014
This was an amazing ride, even after all the time (and books) between you writing and me reading. I enjoyed it immensely despite the lack of the promised epilogue :)
Merry Christmas to you, and a happy 2015.
| mama123 chapter 24 . 11/21/2014
What an amazing story! ! Well thought out. Slow building and exciting at the same time. Its so so long yet no part is boring! Attention to details. A very believable AU story. Well done!
I saw ur story in many people's fav stories but never read because I didn't find the summary appealing.
I am glad I read it now. Thank you for sharing!
| melodyssister chapter 1 . 11/20/2014
Thank you for this great story. I don't know if you are still looking at reviews, but I recced this today on the One_Bad_Man community on LiveJournal.
| Ashlee chapter 1 . 11/5/2014
I always thought this story was under reviewed about to read this story for the twentieth time
| GoldenGryphon chapter 11 . 10/30/2014
I just wanted to let you know that another Texas girl is enjoying your story. I really like the several sub-plots that you're balancing rather well as you work forward. I look forward to seeing how things come together for your assorted characters.
I have been apart from The Church for a few years. I did spend some time practicing Wicca for about 10 years - got pretty good at being a solitary eclectic witch with a Celtic base (yes, that's like describing yourself as being Southern Reform Baptist - it all means something to someone). Having grown up on military bases, I have seen and been a part of more different denominations of Christianity than most people. I agree - the pagentry and ritual of a full Catholic Easter service - done in Latin - was the most...impressive and religious experience I've had so far. I was greatly disappointed to find out that they had stopped the Latin services. They were fabulous!
I have always believed in a Higher Power, but I refuse to limit that Higher Power to human minds and thought - The Infinite Is is bigger than any of us can possibly imagine and, probably, more forgiving than we have a right to expect. So DA and I finally found a church we could agree on - a bit off the beaten track and probably only available here in the Southern Bible Belt - but once I had too much of the "if you believed more strongly, God would cure your cancer" or "God gave you your cancer for a reason" statements, we stopped going. We may go back someday - once I'm done being upset at the mindset of small-minded, well-meaning but infernally stupid people. Sigh.
I spend a lot of my time at M. , and tend to be around the volunteer headquarters which is under the chapel - makes for a nice break, to wander into the chapel between services and let the peace of the place wash over me.
And all that was to let you know that I appreciate your story on several levels. I have done the research in this world (as opposed to the world you've created and the Hogwarts world) about the power inherent in women from a religious and metaphysical standpoint. I have done my best to fit in with both the Catholic and Christian church theologies and have found peace there, though not as much as I might have. I had followed the same questioning of the "should I or not" bit that most teenage girls go through and still regret giving in to peer pressure.
I love reading this story and seeing how you various characters try to balance their own beliefs against the backdrop of war; how the girls fight against a patriarchy that seems determined to render them powerless (even though it is occasionally represented by the women in charge they are controlled by the man in charge); how the respect Hermione feels for Severous is slowly turning into a true love of the man himself, and how he is being attracted to her as well; and how all it would take is one wrong move by one well-meaning person for the entire, carefully constructed house-of-cards to come falling down.
You are a great writer with great characterization. Your people behave well in the world you have created for them. You keep to the rules of Your World and make the story interesting by doing so.
Yes, you have a few misspellings. Who doesn't? Yeah, a few words are out of place or should have been replaced with others. No biggie. You have a few continuous errors (Your when you mean you're) but it's not a hanging offense. Your story is more than readable, it's enjoyable.
I look forward to finishing this story and possible reading a few others - November is coming, so I'll be doing NaNoWriMo and that will keep me busy for a time. Doesn't mean I won't have time to read, but that I will be busy with my own writing in between everything else that has to be done - then I'll have time to read.
| RafeFallstar chapter 1 . 10/3/2014
I just started this, and while there are incidents of incorrect word usage and questionable grammar, the way you use Catholicism as a backdrop is excellent. A few minor quibbles though:
1) The Memorare is generally said for oneself, not for others. The repeated "I" is the clue.
2) For some reason, pious men tend to become devoted to Mary and pious women to Jesus. This isn't universal, but it is noteworthy that Louis d'Monfort wrote True Devotion to Mary, while women wrote about Divine Mercy and the Sacred Heart. Why? I heard it is because men want a woman to help and women want to get to the one in charge directly, but that seems dubious to me.
3) You almost got the Catholic use of prayer right, but there are some slip ups. Catholics ask those in heaven to ask God for help, somewhat like how one might ask a family member to ask a parent for something for you. You might ask directly, but you feel more comfortable with others asking also. (A really old school Catholic might say one does not prays to change what God already decreed from the beginning, but to be worthy of the good and to worthily endure the trials set out for all.)
While I am no longer Catholic, I know the religion well enough.
As to the situation you present, I like it. The Malfoys always struck me as being more concerned with matters of Aesthetics than of Ethics. That's why their ideology is based on Purity, but they have no moral qualms. Even Draco's problem with killing Dumbledore was not ethical, but of self-image-it would be ugly and so he would be ugly.
Of course, if the tension between ethics and aesthetics is the conflict, you create a connection between the person who makes the art and the person who finds delight (and possibly instruction) in the art. However, where the artist (or Hermione, at least) sees it as a prayer and an expression of a truth in the soul, the receiver (and Pansy) sees it as a distraction.
Well done so far! I hope it keeps on this level.
| sanbeegoldiewhitey chapter 1 . 8/26/2014
Poor Hermione. She will end up with a greasy-haired potions master Death Eater.
| elena chapter 25 . 7/30/2014
Just checked your profile n noticed the dates. Dear lord I hope you see these. Also, check out Ed Sheeran's multiply album because emotionally, it just clicks with this. N I could not get it out of my head while reading this. (i dont get anything from promoting his music. :P Just the hope that I spread some joy. ;) )
| elena chapter 25 . 7/30/2014
You absolutely phenomenal human being. I'm pretty sure this is the longest fanfic I've ever read n truth be told I wasn't sure if I wanted to start it. Some that are long just get hurried at the end n blah blah blah. Starting this was a small but significant leap of faith and you have fulfilled that faith beyond any expectation I had.
you have, for me, pushed the boundaries of fan fiction and of literature. I have never (I think) read a book that was so amazing and romantic and described that yearning that unrequited love can bring.
If this was a published book I would want it in hardback, as unique and gorgeous a copy as possible.
it seems so well researched, from the calligraphy (WOW! The art and the knots and the description of that potions book! 3) to even Lil things like the soap in the cave. And letting Hermione cry, because she had been through so much (jake's house) n the fact her hair was that matted. And all the songs! And her voice and her loss and your description of that sunset gown.
and Katie Renou! What a fabulous OC! I mean seriously! If that was self insertion i don't even care she was phenomenal and crucial to the plot without being over the top or out of place. Gorgeous.
and Kendra and Melanie, how u described them and their reactions etc. Wow. And naming all the group? So important! And making then learn while they were away? Unexpected, but so clearly obvious when you consider Hermione is the one organising them. :P
and dear lord Pansy! Wow. Just wow. Giving her a background n a realistic way to bond with Hermione. N millicent n Neville! So cute together! Absolutely, unexpectedly adorable.
and you got pregnant! Congratulations! I hope the baby was delivered safely and is turning your world upside down in the best way possible even now. x
honestly I think I love you. Definitely going to favourite this for a second reading eventually. Everyone and everything in this is completely three dimensional, and well thought out. And I adore it completely.
thank you so so so much for writing this. This existing is a blessing on this earth (perhaps a tad dramatic, but seriously, a BLESSING to literature.) I wish you nothing but the best.
also maybe (possibly, if you have time away from the epilogue. (if it's happening, not necessary but defo would be appreciated) ) you could write a list of all the music in this? From the requiem at the beginning to whatever Hermione sang at the club at the end. I realise that is a HUGE ask but I'd love to know if you recommend any version specifically or for things like the clapping (for the ward chant) if you had any specific rhythm in mind.
basically i love this. If anything was going to inspire me to write fanfic if would be this.
you are my queen. (i was gonna say or king but then remembered the whole you got preggers thing :P )
dear lord this is so long but hell woman you wrote a MASTERPIECE! I seriously do not know if this even conveys the depths of my love for it. Thank you a thousand times.
| elena chapter 24 . 7/29/2014
I love this. Lord I love it.
wanted to point out that in British slang your fanny is NOT your bum. A fanny is a vagina in British slang. So " "Thanks you guys," Hermione said saddling up to the edge of the platform and leaning her fanny against it."
is a bit confusing for the Brits.
if u have time, and can be bothered please consider changing this.
but lord knows in the grand scheme of 300,000 words, it definitely ain't a big deal. You go girl. x
| QueenAnneBoleyn6 chapter 6 . 7/18/2014
I love that Hermione has such interesting characterization. She usually pretty much the same in fanfics so it's a nice change.