|Reviews for Awakened|
| Megan Consoer chapter 1 . 12/23/2005
I really like this story alot. Can you write some more chapters please?
| shesamonster chapter 1 . 6/10/2005
You have to update soon. I found fics around here somewhat like this one but this is better written by far and has great detail.
| KawaiiPanda chapter 1 . 6/1/2005
I love it,very drama like,keep writing!Its awesome..
| Mavrixtrinkia chapter 1 . 1/1/2005
Great story, needs a little help on the spelling, but otherwise its great. I also hope that the other chapters come out soon, your story really hooked me to it. Its even better than mine. I give you a five out of five.
| Megan Consoer chapter 1 . 12/21/2004
I really like this story alot. Can you write some more chapters?
| young wiccan chapter 1 . 12/17/2004
aw! I can't beleive it's over! wow! I love this, it is so cool, I love your summary, it made me really want to read it.
I can't wait till the next chapter
| nannon chapter 1 . 12/10/2004
this is really good. i hope you continue it.
| storyfreak chapter 1 . 8/12/2004
Oh. Amon is what he has hunted for so long. I hope you update soon.
| Megan Consoer chapter 1 . 6/11/2004
I really like this story alot. Can you write some more chapters.
| mylehia chapter 1 . 5/21/2004
so ya going to continue it?
| MusiqMistress chapter 1 . 5/18/2004
Ooh Ooh...I like it! Update soon plese. -MM
| Kathryn Anne chapter 1 . 5/14/2004
Well, I read the thing. Actually, I’ve read all your stuff, but I usually bite my tongue and don’t say what I think. However … you did ask for comments, so here we go.
Clean up your sentence structure – it’s often awkward, and you make a *lot* of usage errors. Robin isn’t a nun; she was simply raised in a monastery. If “thermal glasses
| Liliah is too lazy to log in chapter 1 . 5/13/2004
I agree with *everything* DarkenedSakura said.
Also, about the doctor. A doctor wouldn't use slang terms, in my opinion. "Vegetable", if you look it up in the dictionary (wasn't sure if it was offensive or not), is a slang AND it's meant to be offensive. Ask yourself this question. Would a doctor say "shit" in front of patients/people visiting?
"Syunji" is Nagira's name... O_o.
"POND green"? Erm... if I remember right, ponds are blue with a greenish tinge, whereas Robin's eyes are an actual green.
I think you need a beta. "So instead Zaizen had taken the boy under his wing and raised him to be a hunted" ' I think you meant hunter, no?
Just trying to be a help,
| DarkenedSakura chapter 1 . 5/13/2004
The first paragraph...is shaky. I'd try to refrain from references like "Seinfeld" and stuff. Some people might not know it...like when you (in a diff. fic) refered to a gun as one that "Vash" and this other guy...John Wayne (?) used. Not everyone will know. If you use them, descriptions are good
Is Robin a nun? Also, this isn't necessary, but to further characterization, Robin would mouth or say something like "Amon...Amon!" when he falls.
The thermal glasses are...funky. It doesn't help to research. Heck, I have to learn about motorcycles...makes me want one again. Sigh.
Sometimes your sentence structures are...off? Grammar's better. Also, watch runons. I can't list too many examples, but...if you look you'll find 'em.
For example: "The sound of footsteps was all too common in this place, but quickly a familiar voice called out." I don't see how footsteps and voices are related to each other, seeing as you used "but".
"Karasuma gave a small annoyed glance at him, "I wasn't talking to you.", before she turned her eyes on Robin." That too. Also, Karasuma somehow seems...OOC? I'm not sure if Amon would say something like "Where are my clothes?" upon waking up. He's cold and aloof, perhaps, but he doesn't just...how do you say it...go over things lightly.
Doctors would be nicer to their patients, or at least nicer than that sometimes, I think...could just be me.
Also, I don't see why Zaizen would hunt Amon because he's a "witch"...having a hunter with a craft would be advantageous to him, providing that he doesn't turn on him.
I hope that was nice...
| wolflchik chapter 1 . 5/13/2004
Well...I would just like to say WHAT DO YOU MEAN IF WE WANT A CHAPTER 2 ...Of course keep on writing it is great. Only one problem in one paragraph you have again instead of against and in the paragraph following hunted insted of hunter. BTW I love False Echoes, Fire and Rain, and Time Off. Update soon.