|Reviews for Survival Diaries|
| Stratagemini chapter 3 . 7/2/2005
I live in New York myself, and I for one hope you end up finishing this story. The story itself is off to a good start, and hopefully time will help you develop it more.
If you need any help about New York city itself don't hesitate to contact me.
Still, despite all the promise that this story has you have some major problems on your hands that you might want to deal with.
Some minor discrepancies that I noticed, were related to timing issues in the first chapters, there were a few anachonisms related to the burning of the CD, artists that weren't all that popular until later, services that probably weren't around back then (I believe that pay per track CD services came around about late 2001) and the fact that those services still don't carry japanese songs.
Otherwise this is a pretty good story. Just remember that not all of these kids are likely to be gung ho revolutionaries. Especially since, while there seem to be minor abuses of power in your society of Tal Veras, Vamdemon still seems to be a somewhat good leader (or at least the situation is only a bit worse than in modern day New York). And, despite having come to power from questionable means, he still finds time to suit the people's needs with an artificial sun (which is more than most politicians do).
You would do well to remember that the Diaries universe as a whole isn't all that black and white. Archive has made the effects of killing at a young age, homesickness, and forced independence major cornerstones of his series. The ethical dillemas that Chosen face are big stumbling blocks for the children. The way that Steve and Lou (especially Lou) talk about killing so casually seems more than a bit out of place in context.
Thank you very much for your story, and I hope you keep writing.
| Tetra Seleno chapter 3 . 6/22/2005
Nice. That's all I can really say. I'd like to think of something constructive to say, but I'm not really sure what.
It's taking a different direction that the other Diary stories take. I like it. Keep going in this direction for the New York team - it's a good one.
I await the next update with glee.
| Scarred Dragonia chapter 2 . 8/4/2004
This is the first Diaries fic I've actually read! So there's a whole universe out there huh? Cool, maybe I'll go check some others out!
| cronosmash chapter 1 . 5/22/2004
It was okay... You could be a great writer if you broke from the fanfic mold and made some good stuff on your own. Maybe you already have. If you have, I'd love to read it. I think you'd make a great sci-fi writer. Try some. E-mail me, let's atlk more.
| Gray17 chapter 1 . 5/18/2004
Your friend must have gone to one of the stricter and more traditional Catholic Schools. I went to Catholic School from kindergarten through graduation from highschool and there was never even the suggestion of such. Indeed, my freshman year in highschool I heard rumors that one of the nuns a couple years prior had gotten in trouble for being to physical with discipline.
Also the school you've created seems to have a higher percentage of nuns teaching than the ones I went to, both gradeschool and highschool never had more than half a dozen or so nuns and not all of them taught.
Finally I don't think I've ever encountered a priest that would say "I forgive you your sins" or "Go now and sin no more" outside a formal confession, which that particular conversation didn't seem to be.
Otherwise this is a nicely written chapter.
| CustomMagnum chapter 1 . 5/18/2004
Well, all I have to say is that I can't wait to see what you actually have planned for this. I'm not really good at saying if the plot for something is good on the first chapter.
And, you also forget that all five of the chosen children that you're using appeared in 02.
Granted they only appeared for at most 2-4 episodes, and you can do alot with their character's, but still.
| Scarred Dragonia chapter 1 . 5/16/2004
I really like this. I'm trying to create a FCC series soon, can you give me some help?
| null-defunct chapter 1 . 5/16/2004
Oh, its so good to see quality fanfiction back in this section of the net, quality Original Character fiction at that. Great job. Its refreshing to review a story that I don't have to make a long-winded lecture about. You're clearly a capible and compotent writer. I only have issues with two little things. First, there is a lack of descriptions in some places, especially around description of actions, it seems to fall off when the characters are speaking at times. I don't presume to be of a position to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but you may concider putting more detail into what your characters are doing while they are speaking.
The other part I have only a minor issue with is that some parts of the story feel a little preachy, but its to be expected with the nature of this story. I was hoping this might be a Frontier fic, but I guess it will be a standard DigiDestined-Partner story. Oh well.
It is very, very good. You've done well for a new sieres start. Good job, and until then.
| Ayer chapter 1 . 5/16/2004
You've got a good story going, don't get discouraged by the lack of reviews. My advice don't overwelm the reader, then a gain what do I know I only have one story. Good luck.
| Kots chapter 1 . 5/16/2004
Hm...not bad. I've always been a fan of the Diaries series. Although some are better than others and I wish people would update more often.
So far Survival Diaries is looking good. It's captured my attention and I'll be looking for it in the future. I've only one question, and it concerns Maria. When she asked if she could go to Steve's house, it just didn't seem like after just meeting her that Steve would say she could come to his house, especially since she's a few years younger. Maybe you did this on purpose, maybe not, I just noticed it is all.
Anyways, keep up the good work and please updated soon.