|Reviews for The Dance|
| Mia chapter 1 . 3/20/2014
Did Perry have a mother?Was Teddy's mother so friendly towards Emily?What nonsense you have written!
| Stacey94 chapter 1 . 3/21/2009
This story might have potential, but you need to do a few things first. For one thing, you absolutely HAVE to develop your characters. Almost the entire story was dialogue. Dialogue can be great in a story, but you need to spend some time talking about the characters, providing details about them, describing what they're doing. Usually, when there wasn't someone speaking, i think it was just to tell you something that couldn't be said in dialogue, like transitions, for example.
When you do step away from dialogue to tell the reader about an emotion or something, you say it straight out. It would add a lot to your story if you would show, not tell. Instead of saying, "she was disappointed," you would say, "her face fell."
A main problem of the story, was, I think, that it was too rushed. It seemed like you were hurrying your story along, perhaps trying to fit it into a small amount of space. A writer should be concise, but never rushed. Stop and breathe in between speakers, talk about the characters' reactions for a paragraph or two, describe scenes... the story had too much action in it, I guess.
Now, about the plot. It was a little cliche, but that might be able to be cured somewhat. You could add another conflict, for example. Maybe Aunt Laura could have an argument with Emily, not liking Jason. I think you should add more details, setbacks, and conflicts to your story, making it come alive.
Also, the transitions need a lot of work. A lot of times, there didn't seem to be an ending to a scene, and it would suddenly be the next day, or the next scene. Maybe you sometimes ran out of things to say about the current scene, so you jump right along to the next day. Take a few sentences to draw the action to a close, for the characters to leave the room, or to describe a lull in the conversation. Try adding one of those grey horizontal lines in between major scenes, too. I think it would tell the reader what to expect in the next scene.
There are some other things in your story that needed work, too, but these are the main ones. Besides, I don't know if you really want to hear me tear your story apart further. If you are interested in hearing more, you can PM me. Good luck with your writing!
| Virgrin chapter 1 . 12/19/2007
m... I don't like Perry/Emily.. perry/ilse is my favourite pairing from the emily series.. because the whole thing is so complex... and so entertaining... plus perry doesnt match emily's artistic temperament imo.. he goes better with ilse in that sense..
i still enjoyed your story, even though I like the canon pairings better., it was still a nice addition to the emilyofnewmoon fanfiction world.
| Cat's Magic chapter 1 . 6/27/2007
I like this story. I prefer Emily and Teddy together,
also they do end up together in the books,
but I like this story anyway. _
To all the reviewers who objected (which was
probably around half of those who reviewed)
to the (possible) Emily/Perry pairing:
It IS actually valid at this point in the story,
especially if it is mostly just Perry who feels
that way. Perry DID have a crush on Emily for
several years; this was revealed in all three
of the books, various times and in various ways.
At this point in the story, most of the time Ilse
and Perry do not know yet that they are meant for
each other; and Emily and Teddy don't know quite
as much about being meant for each other yet as
they will later on; they know a little about that,
but not very much yet.
So, to all of you who pointed out that Emily and
Teddy are meant for each other, as are Ilse and
Perry: Yes, that is true. BUT: It is, actually,
ALSO in keeping with the author's original works
to write a story in which none of them know that
as yet, AND in which Perry has an obvious crush
on Emily. (L.M. Montgomery herself made it obvious
multiple times that Perry DID feel like that for
a while. The TV series also occasionally addressed
that issue, although more often it put the people
together who do end up together, probably as a way
of showing/predicting the future, especially since
the show was not going to continue that far into
To zenonkarr (don't know if you're still around
or not): Good job. _ This is my favorite of
your stories that I've read so far! _
| Caroline chapter 1 . 4/25/2007
I like the idea and your writing, but Emily/Perry is not really my thing. Perry belongs with Ilse and Emily with Teddy. Period.
| Andrea Christine chapter 1 . 3/12/2005
I enjoyed this story a lot
| emily chapter 1 . 7/12/2003
What? Why did you put Perry and Emily together. If you have read Emily Climbs and Emily's Quest, you would know that Emily and Teddy are for eachother, and perry and ilse. I don't mind the odd, weird pairing here or there, but I've seen way to much of this dumb pairing today. Perry and Emily. That's only in the T-v. SEries. And work on your grammer!
| Asher Puffs chapter 1 . 12/26/2002
it would have been better if emily smacked jason with her crutch.
| Emmi and Lli chapter 1 . 9/14/2002
Great story! You've got a couple of spelling/grammar issues to iron out, but you're style of writing is really entertaining. Good job!
| marzoog chapter 1 . 8/17/2002
ok, have you read Emily Climbs and Emily's Quest? Cause if you have you should know that EMily loves Teddy and even likes him better in the first book then Perry. Why do all you TV fans pair her with Perry? He belongs to Ilse.
Very good, i liked it alot.
| anonymous chapter 1 . 12/29/2001
just browsing when i found this story and i really liked it, although i've always been more "Teddy&Emily"
| Suzy chapter 1 . 2/8/2001
Oh, I enjoyed this immensely. Love 'Emily'! Won't you please write more Emily stories (maybe a sequel to "Dance")?
| wolvieJay chapter 1 . 1/31/2001
i really liked this one alot seeing as how my faverate character perry was actually in it and not just in the background somewhere i also think that emily and perry should some day end up together.
keep up the good work!
|zenonkarr chapter 1 . 1/26/2001|
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/26/2001
Oooh, I liked it! A lot of typos, many glitches in the writing style, etc...but with a rewrite it could be very, VERY good. So you're one of the Emily/Perry fans? ;) I never can decide: Emily/Teddy or Emily/Perry? ~pathetic look~ I loved that book. Catch ya later!