Reviews for Yukijurou
wat chapter 14 . 8/28/2010
You're a talented writer; I don't think I need to point that out. But I seriously fail to understand Jarenna's and Souji's actions in this chapter. After all the shit they've been through, there can't be a way that Souji would just sit there, being like "k D:" after hearing that she leaves. And wtf, the act of leaving itself is just plain stupid. Why would she want to leave everything behind? That's NOT reasonable at all, and even a tortured mind like hers should see that. She would be completely impossible for her to hurt him as much by staying with him like she does by leaving him. Argh. D8
Lucrecia LeVrai chapter 5 . 2/8/2010
At the beginning, I found this story rather interesting – finally a non-yaoi romance fic featuring Okita. I managed to read the first five chapters, and then I had to give up. It's fairly well-written for a Mary Sue fic, but a Mary Sue fic nonetheless. I'll give you a few arguments to justify my opinion. First of all, just like every MS out there, your main character has an extravagant surname and an even weirder first name ('Jarenna', unlike Kimiko, doesn't even sound like a Japanese word). She's got a tragic, angsty past, yet despite having been a traumatized slave for nearly all her life, she's everything but humble: she orders Sanosuke around, walks like a noblewoman, etc. I'd say it's a major psychological flaw in her character. What's more, she incredibly beautiful, able to capture every man's attention (didn't the whippings leave any scars?) and perfectly skilled at everything, including people skills, poetry, cooking, tea ceremony, surgeries and whatnot. Sounds like a Mary Sue, alright.

The good thing is, she's still pretty likeable despite all her flaws... ops, I meant: merits. I understand why some people might find your fic so interesting, after all. Just please keep in mind, that it's good to give your OCs some flaws, to make them seem less perfect – instead of having every male character fall head over heels in love with them at first sight. I'd also recommend to make 'villainous' people like Kimiko less one-sided.

I don't really mind the fact that you totally messed up a bunch of historical facts, including such things as Okita's name (it's 'Souji', not 'Souchi') and inserted some unnecessary Fangirl Japanese into the story, though I assume some people might me putt off by that. On the plus side, your writing style seems fluent, even if the story seemed quite one-dimensional, focused too heavily on romance. I think I might have been able to enjoy it if I hadn't been such a critical reader.
lucylove92 chapter 14 . 1/4/2010
love the story... but i think Jarenna needs to get over herself and tell okita that she loves him too!
Koto Miharu chapter 14 . 10/20/2009
I no a lot Groins, by the cual am translating it. To my, in the particular seems me a fic very well posed, adoro to Jarenna, for nothing is Mary Sue, the relation that carried with Okita me cayo very, very deep and more that she left it ¡As it could! I had not been able, me launch him on :D

A greeting, a lot of graces to publish it.
Frdofd chapter 1 . 5/6/2009
STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK STUPID MARY-SUE / YOUR FIC SUCK
Illegitimi chapter 14 . 9/8/2008
The only thing that I can think about to say regarding this fic is that it is PHENOMENAL. It left me totally speechless and breathless. Your writing style, dialogue, essence, and plot are way beyond comparison, and I wish that there were more PMK fics of this caliber. You have kept original characters in character, but also given them your own special flavor, and the OC are just as well portrayed. Brava, brava, brava.

I know that it has been a few years since an update, but I hope that you sometime or another(very soon?) consider coming back to this. I know that Life has a way of intruding on things and unfortunately we have to put some things on hold. Please come back to us someday, but until then I wish you only the best.

Thanks for all your hard work and talent- this was the most enjoyable read that I've had in quite some time.

Regards,

I
yunibell chapter 14 . 7/25/2008
poor Souji..
Hebi-Ayame-chan chapter 14 . 4/3/2008
T-T So sad... But I like the story! Nice plot so far. Keeps me guessing, and sorry I haven't reviewed before. I just though it pointless to review on chapters that have been up for awhile or isn't the last chapter. I like knowing whats happened up till the last chapter thats up before reviewing. I know thats weird and I should review right away and all but thats the way I am! I'm rambling... _' sorry
Princesa de la Luna chapter 14 . 2/5/2008
HI THIS STORY AND CHAPTER WAS AWESOME AND I LIKED IT VERY MUCH. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. I CAN'T WAIT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. BYE UNTIL NEXT TIME PLEASE UPDATE THANK YOU.
Me Myself and I and Us and chapter 14 . 5/24/2007
I think I might have to stab you! *cries* Why did you let it end like this? *attempts to strangle author* WHY? It is so good and you are EVIL!

Is it complete? That is the main thing I want it to know. If it is - I will accept it as it is and not commint seppuku. LOL
invisible-gurl chapter 14 . 4/10/2007
just out of curiousity are you going to finish this story? cuz i'm kinda hooked onto it now... T_T... poor souji... T_T... anyways if u do plan on continuing plz update soon )
Wizardhowl07 chapter 7 . 2/23/2007
This is my favorite chapter! and Hijikata was...ek.
wizardhowl07 chapter 3 . 2/23/2007
This chapter rocked my socks off! So far this is one of the best fanfiction stories I have ever read! I loved how in this chapter you let Okita and Jarenna get to know each other, many stories don't do that.
wizardhowl07 chapter 1 . 2/21/2007
ok, i'm not even halfway through the first chapter, and i already thought i should review! wow, this is the best shinsengumi story i have read yet!
Lady Seiryu chapter 14 . 2/1/2007
Man! This story rocks! Why hasn't it been updated in 2 years? I lurve this! I know its hard to keep a fanfiction going but this is one of the only god PMK fics I've found...imma cry, its so good but its been left unfinished! If you could find it in yourself, please continue it! Btw I loved the piggy's pov! XD
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