|Reviews for Beneath|
| Shadow Fox777 chapter 1 . 11/29/2005
And thus, Samus is found. Nice.
| Authraw chapter 1 . 4/25/2005
Pretty good! It has potential, and it could be made into something amazing with a little work. It's actually not much as-is. I'd either continue the story, or use it as an opportunity for powerful imagery.
This is, however, in no way a flame. This is well written, and has good grammar (a huge plus in the fanfiction community.) Good job.
This kind of reminds me of my fanfic, as it details Samus' childhood. I like that idea, expand upon it.
Great job! Keep on writing!
| Insomniac By Choice chapter 1 . 5/19/2004
This is Insomniac By Choice. Plz reveiw my story!shift1!
Sorry, I just had to do that. It was a joke, so continue loving your pie.
Alright, this is by no means a bad story, but it's short and shallow. Real shallow. We don't really get into anyone's thoughts and we don't get very good descriptions of the setting. While I'm thinking about it, this is an awkward sentence "Not even a barely- hatched chick had been spared." Just say that in a different way. But back to what I was saying. We don't get in depth into anything, it's like we're just skimming over the top of something. There's something worthwhile under the surface that we're not seeing.
I can't offer any specific suggestions really, but this could be something much better than it is now with a little work.
| JayRain chapter 1 . 5/19/2004
In the Metroid:Prime manual, Samus' rescue from the ashes of K2-L is presented to us as so vague and random that it leaves room for much interpretation by the fanfiction authors. You have done a nice job here, capturing the scene from the Chozo's perspective. There is a sense of mood present, and Shakrane comes across fairly ~*~*~*~
This is a good piece of writing, but I'm going to push you to do more with it, only because it has potential as a story and you have potential as a writer. With Shakrane, really get into him. His being, his thoughts, his culture. With the mood, get into more detail about the scenes of sadness and death. Feel free to email me if you'd like to discuss these comments. My email is posted in my profile.
You've got a good start here. This is by no means bad writing. In fact, due to the lack of spelling errors and in-your-face grammatical problems that plague some of the pieces in the Metroid section, you are steps ahead. Your story is good. Now I encourage you to make it great! ~J.