Reviews for Warriors of old
Richardc269 chapter 1 . 8/30/2008
I just can't read your story. Your grammar is just way too horrid for me to read. Your sentence structure needs a lot more work. I suggest giving this to a beta who could fix this. Until then, toodles!
Olaf74 chapter 1 . 7/29/2008
I'm lost of words. Your Story is more than Fantastic. Please continue it as soon as possible.
Positronic Hazardous Infiltration Lifeform chapter 13 . 1/10/2005
I'll put my thoughts on just as soon as I put some corrections/suggestions on.

- "Mother Fuckers" should not have capitols.

- “Quan Chi and Shang Tsung” you know what two better names are? Yuhung and Titsuk. They are REALLY the names of mechs in BattleTech (House Liao only). I may have spelt them wrong, but you get the idea ;)

- “Yeah but at what cost?”. Quite cheese-a-licious. I'm reminded of the sci-fi b-movies of old... "Yes we defeated the invaders... but at what price?" "I'm just glad it's all over" "It'll never be over Wendy, right now aliens could be plotting! They could even be... in our movie theatres!"

"Is Scarlett still alive?" Let's ask her...

Scarlett: I ain't dead, fool!

And there you go. I decree that she shall return next story via the ever-handy Silly Plot Device of Senselessness(tm).

Why was I tranquilised? BUH!

BURBERY!

Burberry!

Me an' teh Ork Burberry Boyz a' come an' bang u right out!

Gr...

But enough of that...

I have forgotten my suggestions. I should have put them up first.
Positronic Hazardous Infiltration Lifeform chapter 12 . 1/7/2005
I won the race? Cool. And I was one of the slowest people in my year, back in the day... *memories*

Now I am no longer good (still don't get that) I shall show you all how a true Keeper works!

"GET ME THE CRAZED UMA THURMAN LOOK ALIKE"

"I'm sorry sir, she appears to be busy killing you."

"THEN GET ME A CRAZED UMA THURMAN LOOK ALIKE LOOK ALIKE!"

...*later*...

"Hello Acutla (Another Crazed Uma Thurman Look Alike -tm-). I undestand that your sister is trying to kill me."

"That's right. Our family sure does like killing!"

Joy!

Ah screw the Uma Thurman lookalikes. Bring me the No-Life King. Bring me... Alucard.

(Or Arucard, depending on how you translate it. Let's go with Alucard, since that's probably correct.)

Yeah I love Hellsing. Alucard is without a doubt the hardest, bested vampire ever. He is so hard, that not even crazy ignorant Hellsing Mary Sue authors DARE have their characters beat him! No matter which cast member they are the estranged half-vampire child of!

I want Alucard to accompy me around as my mostly silent, cool looking sarcastic henchman/bodyguard. Goldfinger got Oddjob, uber-hard Korean ex-wrestler, I want to have Count bloody Dracula bending to my will!

Here's your stats and description:

ARUCARD and a little background info:

Hellsing is a manga (Japanese comic series) by Kouta Hirano. It currently runs in the magazine "Young King Ours" (which features other manga series like Excel Saga and Trigun) and six compilations have been released thus far. There is also a 13-episode anime series produced by Gonzo and Pioneer that aired from late 2001 through early 2002.

The series takes place in modern-day England where Sir Integral Wingates Hellsing, the leader of Hellsing Organization, heads a private, secret army dedicated to the destruction of the undead. Integra is a member of the Round Table, and only the Queen of England and the other Knights know of Hellsing's existence.

As part of her army, Integra has two vampires, Arucard, who is bound to serve her, having once served her father, and Seras Victoria, a former police officer whom Arucard made into a vampire. Arucard is over 400 years old, and he is a true vampire. Besides his many powers as a vampire, he also uses guns to fight the undead.

By the way, the official spelling of Arucard is "Arucard" in both the manga and the anime. (Dark Horse Comics uses "Alucard" in its English translation.) In Japanese, "r" and "l" are the same sound and are represented by the same character, so either "r" or "l" can be used in romanization. However, Kouta Hirano specifically used "Arucard," probably as a play on "Alucard" (which is, obviously, the backwards spelling of "Dracula").

But let's stick with Alucard for ease.

IN HELLSING:

Weapons: Two big custom guns, a big black one and a big silver one (with "Jesus Christ Is In Heaven Now" written on it). Both are loaded with silver coated rounds smelted from a cross from Lancaster Church. One fires high explosive rounds. Also, he has his bare hands...

Outfit: Normally dressed in a big red coat, with orange glasses on, although his big red hat conceals it most of the time. Has a young face, with long black hair that flutters freely in the wind...

Special Abilities:

- Regenerates any wound by normal weapons.

If badly enough injured (eg, decapitated, or filled with silver bullets and stabbed in the head with a knife) he can regenerate by melting into blood, or mist or bats.

If he 'dies' he can regenerate by soaking up the blood of his locale (in the final episode he resurrects himself, because the showdown is in the Tower of London - the bloody tower. Also, there are 66 dead Vampire SAS and lots of dead Hellsing soldiers. And Seras Victoria has almost bled to death too.). It takes a while for him to resurrect (imagine those Dracula movies where Dracula reappears at the end, when everyone has left). He regenerates almost instantly though, so bullets and normal bladed weapons are virtually useless.

- Being an ancient vampire of unknowable power, he's also super strong and super fast, but he hardly ever bothers using these. He just stands there and let's people kill him, then gets back up and kills them. Worthy foes (like Paladin Alexander) deserve use of his vampiric skills.

- He's telepathic and has other narly dark powers, like being a echoey and evil sounding Disembodied Voice...

- Can transform into a bat or a wolf. Has a tendency to make weird black eyes bug out of his form for some reason... The wolf form has eight eyes in the opening credit sequence!

- Can teleport, opening up a big pentagram style red symbol.

- Is super-sarcastic!

- In one episode he rips several hitmen to shreds with his bear hands. He rips the head off one guy in a single swipe and squeezes out all the blood into his mouth (he hasn't eaten for 27 years at that point).

And there you go. THAT is a henchman! And so is Excel, Hyatt and any other anime character I like... (Hail Ilpalazzo). It's all in a days work for the Evil Ideological Organisation of DISCORD. Or FaCoFaS (Fatal Cobra Fanfic Squad). Or S.P.O.N.G.E (wait for my new Evil Genius fic). Or the Philluminati - phnord!

No doubt, I've severly weirded you out.

It ain't what rock n' roll's about...

But this isn't rock n' roll is it?
Captain Lysander chapter 11 . 11/15/2004
Before i review now i shall let you know that whilst typing this my life has been well and truly devastated... so if i sound angry at all thats why.

-

I enjoyed this chapter as you know i always do, but by this time i would have expected Piccard to have his usual entourage of about 30 million copies of him, all with slightly different names and problems coming down the halls and talking an incessant amount of crap...

-

Divine: Face it guys, we split faster than rabbits!

-

But anyway, please update soon... and as for an update to ECU, i'm not really in the mood to add to it at the moment, i'll carry on when i can successfully be perverted again without certain bad memories of the last month entering my head... i just want to forget whats happened but it's too damn hard!

-

*someone smashes a vase on his head and makes him sane again*

-

Sorry i was having a 'me' time again... update soon, wait for ECU and have plenty of calcium ya hear?
Positronic Hazardous Infiltration Lifeform chapter 11 . 11/9/2004
QUOTE:

A well placed energy blast dealt with it. Azrael stopped and gathered is breath. And an outline of sponge appeared.

“Stop,
Positronic Hazardous Infiltration Lifeform chapter 9 . 11/3/2004
Hey I found a chapter I haven't reviewed yet. You'd better update or I'm quickly going to run out of chapters to review. Just keep up the good work.

You should drop me a line sometime ok? I owe you a cameo or something at least, like what I did for Piccard in Flow In Time (ask him if you like). I was also going to put him in The Neth Khaos capturing a starship but... well, my brother came up with some brilliant ideas and I wrote a humour chapter using them instead. I'm going on a load of How To Write Character-type websites and looking up on the mistakes people make, and I'm going to make ALL of them when writing these characters. It'll be great.

Other ideas / Stuff I'd like to do:

Universes Definitely In Neth Khaos:

- Total Annihilation

- Neon Genesis Evangelion (slightly AU)

- Dungeon Keeper (with a bit of Lord of The Rings)

- Golden Sun

- The Games Workshop Chaos background, and a bit of Warhammer Fantasy Battle too.

- Various cameos/references from EverQuest, Space Harrier, Eyes Wide Shut, Deus Ex, The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, 1984 and more stuff than I can think about right now. Plus some stuff I haven't thought up yet.

References and Universes I might consider including, but have no idea what sort of form they could possibly take:

Doom

BattleTech

Kill Bill (references/parodies only)

Lord of The Rings

Austin Powers / generic spy-movies

Resident Evil (considering a scene in Racoon City, this is likely to be included since I can actually imagine a few reasons why they'd be there and how it would work out)

But back to you. I'm sorry I just like to share ideas with people and I get carried away quite easily. You want some input or an appearance in a story? I've given everyone else one at some point, to varying degrees (Piccard has a very large one in FiT whereas another author, 19th Angel, has a very small but cheeky reference in that same story).

Or some ideas, input would be cool. Real cool.

Whilst we be on the subject, says I, here's some ideas for Warriors of Old...

(And none of them involve Sponge having a time machine!)

- Sponge with a clone... one eigth his size!

Okay, now for real:

- A big dramatic build up as the Keepers become aware of a REALLY big army ready to destroy them all... cue of a few chapters of tense preparing in anticipation of the big battle (The Two Towers was very good at this)

- Everybody getting completely and utterly drunk.

- Some celebrity appearences.

- A brief crossover, or a parody of something. Hail Ilpalazzo!

- An exciting action chapter.

- A few more side-stories to complement the main plot.

- A dangerous new side to the story, not just Good and Evil but... other. DUM DUM DUM...

- Everyone playing some sort of game

- Unspeakable acts of evil

- The heroes building a Keeper-annihilating superweapon. The Keepers launch a daring commando-style raid and knock it out of action.

- The Keepers going in search of an evil doomsday weapon/key to hell/legendary artefact etc...

- Explosions! (I hear from a reliable source that they solve everything)

- A big unexpected twist! (remember, it must be unexpected. Don't be like some authors - do the first thing they think of without giving it proper thought and smirk thinking they're *so* clever... then pout when someone guesses the twist in the review for the first chapter. So unless it's a parody, make sure no-one is no-one else's father! )

Well that's a load of ideas. I hope you get lots of ideas for future fics and chapters. Or motivation at least! Actually, that's something I need right now. *sigh* I'm so lazy...

Lah, lah, lah...

One thing about this chapter specifically, there was a section with a lot of capitols. Capitol letters in big bunchs like that just look 'untidy' that's all.

And Nozdormu had SO MANY 'S''

THAT MANY 'S IS JUST NOT FUNNY!

How funny that the man who pointed out about your capitol letters has, himself, just used a lot of capitol letters...

Sponge: How ironic

(Actually looks like a fine amount of caps, I just like to reference The Simpsons.)

You know what I want to come back as when I die? A butterfly.

NOBODY EVER SUSPECTS THE BUTTERFLY!

Mwa-ha-ha-ha...!

I have a strange sensation that I've read this chapter before, many times before. Odd that I only just reviewed. Guh.

So, in conclusion, I feel that all you need to do to improve this story is to: UPDATE!

Got it?

Right.

On to the next review!
Captain Lysander chapter 10 . 10/9/2004
... Even though Piccard is not normally like this (AKA the type that would sing... especially when he's sober) i think i'll let it slide this once as i wanna see the next chapter...

I may like your work, but i still have the odd reservation about my character, however you need not worry for nothing serious has been done yet. Just carry on the way you are and I will be fine with it .
Positronic Hazardous Infiltration Lifeform chapter 4 . 10/6/2004
Where is your damned email address? How can I put you on Instant Messenger without a valid hotmail account?

For a school/work friendly version of MSN messenger go to: and click on "MSN School" or something. Then there's some German text roughly in the centre of the screen, just click on that.
Positronic Hazardous Infiltration Lifeform chapter 5 . 10/4/2004
Update, ya cheese eating surrender monkey!

(M, cheese... *drools*)

Now, my Vindicare Assassin is on holiday at the moment. Fortunately however, I have enlisted an Eversor Assassin. (Points to snarling, foaming Eversor Killing Machine). Isn't it cute? WELL? IS IT? Anyway. I stand by my update/surrender monkey demand! Or use the time browsing through my stories. *shakes fist threateningly*
Hamtaroboy chapter 5 . 10/1/2004
They turned a Keeper bad? Those sonsabitches
Hamtaroboy chapter 3 . 10/1/2004
Hm interesting chapter. I can't believe you killed a a non-canon character off. That's not something you see normally in fanfiction
Hamtaroboy chapter 1 . 10/1/2004
Oh very nice story . Looking forward to future chapters
Positronic Hazardous Infiltration Lifeform chapter 10 . 9/30/2004
"Ours is not to reason why Piccard, we never reason why about these things"

"Ah that is the thing if the saying is ignorance is bliss then why is everyone desperate to know everything?"

NO, Ignorance is not bliss, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH!

AND FREEDOM IS SLAVERY! AND WAR IS PEACE!

“Now my friend comes the hard part. We must save Sponge. Normally I would kill the weak minded Keeper..."

Weak-minded? Yeah, and your mom!

*Nods to Assassin*

*Series Exitus Rifle shots*

*Dead*

*HELLO AGAIN AZRAEL*

- -

*On musical bit*

No, NO lyrics! NO! NO!

Well it's an ok poem but you should not have done it in script, it breaks the narrative. If you had kept it in the same format as the rest of the chapter then it would have looked fine.

As a rule of thumb most people should stay from songs and poems - but I'm a fine one to talk. One of my future fics features a gangsta rap when Bob Page, the main bad guy, decides that he needs to 'get down with the kids':

(Page)

What is it Simons?

(Bored Simons)

Word

(Page)

That's right,

The world will be mine when Everett is dead,

My MJ Twelve Commandos gonna shoot him in the head

(Bored Simons)

Word

(Whiney sounding Morgan Everett)

Hey what's up with you Page you gone and killed off my crew,

The Illuminati's dead,

It's just me and Stanton too

(Page)

Your Order is in tatters

Now the world is all that matters

(Bored Simons)

I hope UNACTO don't rebel

(Page)

Well they can go to Hell,

Paul D might be failing

And his brother could start trailing

But I got my supercomputers

The AQUINUS Hub

And ICARUS

(Bored Simons)

Word

...

...

...

Yeah I just made those lyrics up on the spot. I might not even show the gangsta rap in the story, maybe just have it mentioned as a joke.
Positronic Hazardous Infiltration Lifeform chapter 9 . 9/24/2004
“Damn you, you god damn oversized retarded bath toy!
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