|Reviews for The Heartache of a Heartbreaker|
| Jack Mitchell chapter 1 . 11/12/2006
Ok, this story needs a lot of work and as a writer you should appreciate the heads up, I hope that you do.
First off, speech should always start on a new line rather than being stuck in the middle of a sentence.
Another thing that I noticed about your work was the overuse of adverbs. Everything was 'seductively' 'musically' 'heavily' 'softly' 'playfully' 'breathlessly' and so on.
Also the dialogue. For the most part it was inappropriate for the characters portrayed, in fan fiction that means you lose the attention of the audience who are trying to submerse themselves in the alternate universe you are creating. If the characters aren't talking like they would do in the show, it fails. An example from your work would be Chris saying "I believe it is, my dear. I can’t recall the name of it though"
As an avid Sopranos fan, I can safely say that Christopher would not say something like that.
I can't go on, there's just too much fundementally wrong with your story.
The spelling however, is excellent. So well done.
| mel chapter 1 . 11/5/2006
aww that was cute! I wish it was like this on the show...:(
| Bunny1 chapter 1 . 6/5/2004
Oh, holy wow... this was AWESOME. My favorite couple on all of The Sopranos... beautiful.