|Reviews for Little Sisters|
| Baby Huey chapter 1 . 11/26/2016
when writing a conversation, a new paragraph should be started when the speaker changes:
“Are you going to the mall?” asked John. “Yeah, I'm getting a ride with Mary,” Jane answered. “Well, make sure you get home in time for supper, or Mom and Dad will have a fit,” John told her. “I know. They sure are crazy about family dinners,” Jane replied. “When will Mary be here?” John wondered. “Oh, she should be here any minute,” Jane told him.
This is how it should read though:
“Are you going to the mall?” asked John.
“Yeah, I'm getting a ride with Mary,” Jane answered.
“Well, make sure you get home in time for supper, or Mom and Dad will have a fit,” John told her.
“I know. They sure are crazy about family dinners,” Jane replied.
“When will Mary be here?” John wondered.
“Oh, she should be here any minute,” Jane told him
| RoyalPrincessHinataHyuga chapter 2 . 1/25/2013
awwww i love Andre so the story so far as well D
| Littlecosma001 chapter 2 . 12/1/2012
Aw! Where did those dogs come from?
| LuckedClover chapter 2 . 1/29/2011
Hey, cool fic can't wait for more. Ttfn
| thatgingerprincess143 chapter 2 . 1/15/2011
Is Andre short for Andrea? Plez update!
| destinysings chapter 2 . 6/11/2008
really liked your story. PLEASE update soon or I will go mad!1
| Devils Mime chapter 2 . 7/29/2005
| Alteng chapter 2 . 6/22/2004
The response on my HP stories was astounding for such short little pieces, so I am just getting around to reading everyone's goodies.
Anyway, here goes my bit on your piece:
Harry has as little of that Ron syndrome going on about his little sister looking at other guys. Of course, the fellow he thinks she is after is Malfoy. Oh well.
I like your jealousy about Andre geting to live with Sirius, because we know that Harry really wanted to live with him instead of the Bursleys. Of course, in the last book Rowling wrote, she explians the Harry had to live with a blood relative of his mother, her sister Petunia, because of that ancient protection spell.
There are some time anomolies for you. If Andre is a year younger than Harry, she is either starting Hogswart a bit late, or Harry is in his second year. This would mean that Harry wouldn't know Sirius yet.
Another point. Sirius spent 12 years in Azkaban. Did Andre share it with him?
I like the bit that Lily was able to shoove her in the closet when Voldemort came about. That was an interesting idea, and Harry having a littel sister is very much in the realms of possiblilities.
Anyway, regardless of flaws, I hope you do update soon.
| Lily850 chapter 1 . 6/17/2004
thank you, Master Duelist Imposter Kaiba! Im glad you understand it! :)
| GB Evil Chaos chapter 1 . 6/15/2004
I know what you meant when you said Harry's parents died a year after he was born and a month after Harry was born they had Andre. If Harry's parents died one YEAR after he was born, it said Andre was born one MONTH after Harry was born.
| alfredosbreath chapter 2 . 6/8/2004
“See you were a year old when your parents died. Lily got pregnant again a month after you were born and had little Andre.
| criminy chapter 2 . 6/7/2004
Andre just SCREAMS "Mary Sue".
Isn't Andre a man's name?
Your story is readable, but there's grammar issues and such. Getting a beta would take away some of the stress in my life.
| GB Evil Chaos chapter 2 . 6/5/2004
Great story! I really like it! Update soon! Please! Keep up the excellent work!
| Uzume chapter 2 . 6/5/2004
Whoa, whoa, whoa. This story... is... just...well, off. First of all, Hagrid says that Harry's parents died, right? Then he goes on to say that Lily got pregnant a month later. So, she got pregnant after she was dead? Or... if you mean that she had Andre a month after giving birth to Harry? Neither of these make sense as a dead woman cannot get pregnant and a baby needs 9 months in the womb, not just 1. You may mean that she got pregnant only a month after Harry was born. Now that would make more sense, but the way you have this written, it's not very easy to pick up. Even if this is what you meant, there is still a problem - Andre would have been unable to run away during or after Voldemort's attack on her home, seeing as how she would have been only a few months old.
So far, the rest of your story cannot take place at all. But if we move beyond the pregnancy/baby issue, we come to another problem. Sirius was in Azkaban. I don't think that would be a nice place to bring up children. And if Sirius is not in Azkaban in your story, then why? How did he manage to stay out of there?
Why were there dogs in the common room? Are you going to eventually bring that up in the story, or will we just have to assume that they snuck into the castle and just happened to know the password to the common room, not to mention the ability to actually speak the password aloud? And still yet, the fact that no one had seen them before they got there. No one seems to think three large, gray dogs are anything to be concerned about. I would have thought some of the teachers would be talking about it worriedly amongst themselves and the students would be all over Harry and Andre asking them what happened and so on.
There are other things that are missing from your story, but these are the main points. I am not trying to flame, but you could at least try to make your story believable. Otherwise, it isn't going to be all that popular. Just simply cast off as another annoying attempt at Mary-Sue. Thankfully, you haven't made her eyes change color according to mood or given her supernatural abilities that no 11 year old witch could for that much, I am grateful.
Please make an honest attempt at writing something good, or please save us all the suffering. Good luck.
| neko faust chapter 1 . 6/4/2004
great fic! be sure to make up the next chappy soon so i can read it!