|Reviews for In Darkness|
| babysayitisn'tso chapter 5 . 7/2/2004
the figure its padme right. any way great story. new chapter please.
| Misti Wolan chapter 5 . 7/2/2004
O! Which niece is it? Ryoo? She'd the dark-haired one. Or did you make her up entirely?
So is the one who she called Bennie Anakin, Obi-Wan, or someone else entirely?
Actually, that's not true about being the only relative of a serving senator to be taken to the Temple, if you've read the Jedi Apprentice books. But nevermind…
You can, and probably should, make more paragraph breaks. If you pay attention, you'll find out how to put them not only to switch speaker or to alter the topic, but to make your story read the way you want to, as well. Paragraphs help the flow of a story. A statement can have a different impact based on its placement.
That's a good switch, though—from watching the woman in the window to Niraé or whatever her name is.
Keep writing! :)
| Misti Wolan chapter 4 . 6/18/2004
So… Niraé is the surviving experiment, Chak's her boyfriend, Mara's the one who brought Niraé to Palpatine, and the blonde was another experiment.
I personally didn't find this chapter all that confusing, but maybe I'm just assuming too much.
Keep it up! :)
| jane chapter 3 . 6/17/2004
V. . plase continue.
| Crystal chapter 3 . 6/16/2004
Really good. I like the story line. You are doing a wonderful job. I can't wait for the next chapter.
| Misti Wolan chapter 3 . 6/16/2004
Much more intense than the last chapter. I'm assuming the mystery girl is the surviving experiment.
Keep it coming! :)
| For You Blue chapter 2 . 6/15/2004
Hey, I thought I'd drop you another line since you reviewed Stars in the Sky. (Yes I decided that was the better title.) I thought I'd let you know I'm going to upload my first AU story sequel to Stars in the Sky in a couple of days, I don't have a title yet unfortuately I like to leave it to the last minute or else I find it ruins the story. But if you can't find it by summary on the main list, just look up my name or click on my name from one of the reviews and I promise it will be there soon.
It involves Ben's nanny Master Nicola Erin and Jacen, (YAY!) and also a couple of new characters, interweaving with that story is another with Luke and Leia, Jaina, Han, Waroo and Ben. Yet on another quest to find their mother on Naboo, where the elusive Black Sun Princess resides.
I thought you might like to be the first to know, and I don't know what happened with the italics, but I'll try to fix it up. Thanx for your review and keep up the good work.
| Misti Wolan chapter 2 . 6/10/2004
Hm… It's interesting.
You're using the wrong words for a few things ("too" for "to", "sad" for "said") and misspelled "real" as "reeal". But overall, it's pretty good. You should probably review comma usage, though.
About the alternate version… Why not post both? You can entitle it "chapter 2-alternate" or something, and not limit yourself to your first. Some of my stories (like the recently posted "Comeback") which go through so many rewrites have at least 1 alternate version w/ some of the same parts as the previous rewrite.
Just thinking you might want more flexibility. (I know I prefer it!) Keep it up! :)
| May Solo chapter 1 . 6/9/2004
M. Very good. I like it.
So post more! quick!
| For You Blue chapter 1 . 6/8/2004
Great start, and I hope to see a lot more from this story. Please go on.
| Urazz chapter 1 . 6/8/2004
Well the prologue is pretty good! Though alot of stories don't get too many reviews till a few chapters are out and everyone gets more of a feel for how you write so don't send bed bugs yet. Anyways you really can't tell what is going on besides that she is a lab experiment and that she is escaping. But this is the prologue so its expected in some styles of writing. This story looks pretty promising so release the next chapter as soon as you possibly can.
| Misti Wolan chapter 1 . 6/8/2004
Hm. Suspenseful. So she's the surviving experiment, huh? Takes awhile to realize that, but you did a good job with the intercom thing.
I realize some of the sentence fragments, etc. are intentional, but a few seem to be actual slip-ups. Reading aloud really helps catch those, as well as things like using "he" instead of "the", as you do in one spot.
(I can't really give "Oh, I loved it!", etc., in my review. It makes me think, and that's my favorite type of writing, but… That's the problem. I need more to analyze before I can really tell if I like it. Prologues can be completely different from the rest of the story. I've done that, myself.)