|Reviews for Dream of the Earthbound|
| SaturnKnight chapter 1 . 7/15/2006
Since you don't like Ranma or Shampoo, why did you write this? You've got original characters with the same names, but this ain't Shampoo. This sure as all heck ain't Ranma. If this wuz Ranma, and Ranma wre that spineless and compliant to any woman what told him what to do (as you write him), then he woulda been married to Akane before two weeks were out. And Ranma ain't afraid of girls. You get rid of all of the traits that make him Ranma and make up your own, just so you can add the pretense of dramatic tension, so you can portray 'growth' in the ... relationship ... between Shampoo and Ranma.
As far as Shampoo, it's really unfair of you to so ludicriously favor one character, and even bother keeping the others around. I keep thinking that if Ranma and Shampoo ever try and kiss in this fic, he's gonna knock himself out on her halo. A character that can't do anything wrong (and seriously, WTF is up with Cologne threatening someone who cannot fight back like that? You messed up; Cologne's supposed to be a good guy in this fic, isn't she? Well, she's worse than Nabiki, thanks to that scene), isn't really a character. Character's, proper characters, have things they mess up and things they get right. But if Shampoo were really like this, she would have found out the truth about Ranma and have been on her way to her third kid with him before Genma even caught back up to them in China; the Tendos would never enter the picture.
As far as Cologne threatening Nabiki like she did ... you shouldn't have your 'good' guys beat up people who can't fight back. Same when Ranma thrashes Mousse later. What Cologne did was just wrong on every level; what she should have done is just told Ranma what was going on. As it is, Ranma's not really a character, though. Cologne and Shampoo make all of his choices for him. He thinks he's got 'em, but in this fic? You could replace him with a doll with a pull-string and he wouldn't lose any character at all.
Your relationship between him and Shampoo is bad, too. Is she his mother? Seriously, that conversation where Shampoo suddenly has a psychology degree and tells Ranma expertly how to handle his own mother (and, how would she know? We never see hers in the series, you know), it's like she's got decades of experience. Shampoo in the series can and does make mistakes, but what you got here makes their relationship creepy, like it's really Cologne in a Shampoo-mask, seducing a little boy who can't figure anything out on his own.
You've decided to treat Nabiki as a villain, which was done alright - you made me hate her. But there's no reason for her to act that way, other than to give Shampoo more (totally unneeded at this point) chances to show how awesome she is, and for Nabiki to totally screw up things with Akane. We got that part from chapter one, where it was obvious who not-Ranma was going to choose, and we just need to wait for the Amazons to tell him who he loves.
Ukyou's portrayed I guess the closest to her actual character of any of the girls in the series, but you carefully don't give her a chance. I notice that you made Ukyou hate Shampoo so that the red herring of 'Ranma can end up with more than one girl' will end with Ukyou being the bad guy by saying she won't share Ranma with Shampoo, while Shampoo gets to shine her halo with a 'I would have been willing to forgive that terrible bad thing Ukyou did for Ranma', but it's just so transparent at this point... Now he gets to stop being Ukyou's friend, so he can, what, go to China? He's sure as all heck gonna hate Akane by the end, though I don't know if he'll hate Akane as much as you've got her hating herself. He sure can't hurt her as badly as she's doing it to herself. I guess it doesn't matter. Ranma's not really Ranma in your fic.
And you are really unfair to Akane. She's not a perfect character, and I actually don't like her, but you portray her only with negative qualities, just like you portray Shampoo only with positive qualities. That's too much of a bias for me to not say anything about. The fact that every coincidence serves Shampoo, or hurts Akane, if not both... It's like you're not even trying!
The amazon law part, where the amazon laws aren't really about killing is as unbelievable as usual, but you always do that, so I just skipped that scene. But I had to stop reading at chapter six, I think. This story is okay, I guess, but should be four chapters at the most, and the air style nonsense doesn't add anything - you should drop it, or make it way more into the background, and not nearly take up as much time and space as it does.
I give it a two and a half out of ten, three if you're a Shampoo fan, but it's still too long for what it does.
This story was a real downer. Not nearly as good as your other stuff. What went wrong?
| Bitch hater chapter 3 . 6/1/2006
Nabiki is portrayed as a real bitch. makes me want to kill her off in the worst way possible. grr! i hate nabiki some much right now!
| Nibbet chapter 9 . 5/20/2006
I'm weirded out by this story. It's like someone tried to take the steroetypical bimbo-who-will-use-anything-to-get-Ranma, and added shrewdness. Somehow, what was once distasteful, now loses even its comedic aspects.
I dunno how else to say it, but:
I used to like Shampoo and the Amazons before I read your fic.
But here, it feels like the story ends in chapter one, and they're just mucking around and trying to cause pain for everyone else before they drag Ranma off to wherever Shampoo will get her happy-ever-after with whoever they replace Ranma with. Sorry. This isn't as good as A Cold Wind Blows.
| Nightcrawler2000 chapter 9 . 4/30/2006
| Niana Kuonji chapter 9 . 4/18/2006
I think Akane needs a few good whacks to the head or something, but if she'd just start shoveling her own crap and not piling it on other people, there's _someone_ decent to work with in there. A very repressed someone who doesn't see the sun a lot.
And don't scare me like that with Mousse. I like him, idiot that he is. I'd hate for him to go splat. Awesome chapter, as always!
| HoagieOfDoom chapter 9 . 4/17/2006
Wow. Just, wow. This is one of a handful of fics to really grab my attention. You have crafted a story that really captivates the mind; I've been unable to think of almost anything else but _Dream of the Earthbound_ for the past few days that I've been reading it.
Barring the plot itself, though, I find the story intriguing for a few more reasons: namely, that you are one of the few authors who represents the Ranmaverse as it really is: that _everyone_ in the story is in some way or form responsible for the unpleasant situations they find themselves. Seeing each of the characters, particularly Ranma and Shampoo, see this fact and face up to their own faults was a absolute joy.
I also never thought I'd actually find a fic that managed to make me like, I mean _really_ like, Shampoo, let alone cheer for her. The way you have set it up, I really am hoping that Ranma and Shampoo can have a happy ending.
One of the other plot points that has grabbed me so far is how Akane has been portrayed throughout the story. I am very curious to see where she will end up, both mentally and with her training, though I will admit to a combination of excitement and dread for when she finally challenges Ranma or Shampoo. At least, if she even does so; it's always possible that it will not happen.
Kudos to you; you have done an incredible job so far with this story.
| SoulCry chapter 9 . 4/15/2006
What can I say? It was worth the wait. But maybe it was WAY too long. I mean, more than four months was a bit...extensive from my POV.
Enough of that. This chapter proved a point I was going to ask you, but now it is clear to me. I guess Ranma is really going to stick with Shampoo, right?
And I liked this chapter VERY much. Mousses finally leaving Ranma and Shampoo alone for good, Ranmas beggining to read his feelings for the Amazon and hes got new techniques. Quite impressive. But what else can I expect from Aondehafka? (Grin)
| neota chapter 9 . 4/14/2006
Absolutely wonderful characterization. The only flaw I see is that Shampoo comes back so immediately changed. I don't see Shampoo as someone who is good at restraint, regardless of Cologne's training. So I would expect her to slip initially. Maybe she has changed significantly; A slip would have shown the difference between how she was and how she is. As it is she seemed out of character in the initial two chapters.
| flashfroze chapter 9 . 4/13/2006
Brilliant chapter - great fight between Mousse and Ranma, I was quite happy the way it was all structured. Well, it looks like Shampoo has (or at least) is capturing Ranma's heart. Please excuse this imminent outburst:
Sorry, just had to get that out of the system. And here comes Nodoka with the idea of grandchildren... etc., mistresses, etc., and I was quite happy at Genma and Ranma's interactions throughout the end section of the chapter - very believable.
I'd like to thank you for writing such a brilliant extension to this masterpiece and, as a result, would love to re-apply for beta-reader in time for the next installment - that is, if you're accepting applicants...
That all said, "Thanks for all the fish!"
| Hiryo chapter 9 . 4/12/2006
You did it again! ;) You managed to make such an
interessting fanfic that I simply hat do read it even
if I should have had learned for the network-course.
Please update soon!
Furthermore, would you honor me with 'rating yourself'
on my homepage which you can find through my profile
here on There in the 'Contact me'-section a
little bit down you can rate yourself.
| She-Wolf chapter 9 . 4/12/2006
Man, you just love having your readers chomp at the bit, don't you! That was excellent, by far some of the best Ranma writing I've seen in a long while. I'm actually fighting off a few tears right now. It was just... beautiful!
And he almost kissed her, almost kissed her, almost kissed her...
For however long it takes you to get the next chapter good and solid, I'll be waiting right here for more! Bravo!
| lastbastion chapter 9 . 4/11/2006
Wow. Just...wow. I just finished reading this story from the start and have to honestly say that this is one of the deepest, most well written stories I have ever read, including some pieces of garbage that have managed to actually get published. The level of character development and gradual change rather than the all-too-common "one day the character woke up and realized something out of the blue" is paramount and very refreshing to see in a piece of fanfiction. The layers of interaction and subtle traits that define each character make this an interesting and worthy read. Thank you and please continue this until its ultimate conclusion.
| Blood Of Odin chapter 9 . 4/10/2006
*stands up and claps*
I don't review as often as I should but... this is probably one of the best stories I've read in years. Since ill met by nerima (I believe that's the name, old story) I've been looking for more stories that touched me like that. this is one. I can't even really say I see anything to improve it.
| John Knize chapter 9 . 4/10/2006
Geez, great story! Wonderfully fun pun, too *grin*
"I most assuredly do," Cologne promised, swallowing a remark about how she didn’t think he wanted to go that far to get close to Shampoo. It just wouldn’t have been in good taste.
| Ysolde chapter 9 . 4/10/2006
Once again another awesome tale. I can't wait to read the next installment and see what happens as Ranma and Shampoo's relationship progresses.