|Reviews for Camel story|
| silverflight8 chapter 1 . 12/26/2008
The ending is at odds with the beginning, as I expected it to be a snatch of "action", or a telling of what happened from a first-person view. However, at the bottom, you end with a (very nice, I might add) but out-of-place sense of reminiscence.
As well, separate your work into paragraphs; remember that each new person speaking should start one, and that characters speak with "quotations", their speech should begin with capitals. The reason I say this is that it disturbs the continuity, and the reader feels as though the action is progressing very rapidly, as though one thing happens, then another, then another, with little or no break.
Lastly, though I have only read the last book "A Breath of Snow and Ashes", and don't really know what happened, it might be helpful to put some indication of where/when this happened.
It's a solid start: good job.
| North00 chapter 1 . 11/30/2004
I hope this block of print was not intended. It is unreadable.
| Wosie chapter 1 . 8/7/2004
Write more! That was exellent!
| xoTheVerdict chapter 1 . 8/2/2004
i salute your valiant efforts, you need PARAGRAPHS! i couldn't get past lines 1 and 2., still not to bad... .a.
| Anashosh chapter 1 . 7/31/2004
I salute you for being the only person to have a story posted for 'Outlanders'. I am sorry to say that I did not read your story, save the first few lines, due to lack of paragraphs, which is an eyesore. Please add more paragraphs to your story!
| Rusty Ryan chapter 1 . 7/1/2004
hello this story its very good are you going to write an other one eh? get in touch please
yours Mr Rusty