|Reviews for The Quest for the Legends|
| VibrantStripeWN chapter 34 . 5/18/2019
Okay, I'm probably a million years late to review this but that last "he wanted to do it again" part really made me realize what kind of a character Mark really is, he's an adrenaline junkie and I love how this really outlines his nervous battle style contrasting how he takes everything in with so much detail, that you for making one of the best fics I've read In a long time
| Guest chapter 54 . 4/5/2019
I have not finished this chapter yet. You know what you did.
| Derpidot chapter 78 . 3/28/2019
This was an extremely satisfying and well written book. The characters are unique and you made everything believable. I am so glad I read this book.
| Equitia chapter 32 . 1/16/2019
Hi, I'm a newcomer who started reading your fic a couple weeks ago. I'm not going to offer concrit on something you've stated you wrote over a decade ago, but I felt like I should give you something because I'm thirty-two chapters in already.
Honestly, probably the only reason I'm reading this is because I have my own years old Pokemon fanfic and I was sorting through versions of that I wrote when I was fifteen/sixteen. (Which was only five/four years ago. plz tell me how long you have to write before you get decent.) My eyes were burning and I was literally howling in anguished laughter and for some reason I remembered that author's note for that long-running fic and here I am.
For my record, my old fanfic is WAY worse than yours. Like, undeniably objectively. I'm actually enjoying your fic. I still wouldn't be reading it if I didn't know there was good writing later on, but many of its faults are kind of endearing. I don’t know, it’s like as I read I can see this young teenager just loving the story that they’re writing. It’s adorable, truly. It seems like you were so unconcerned with trying to making your story good, which isn’t exactly a great thing, but it’s refreshing at the same time. And I’m not saying your younger self wasn’t trying at all when writing this, but it seems like she assumed enjoying writing ensured some kind of quality.
Did that even make any sense? Ah, whatever, I was almost certainly projecting with all that, but this story reminds me of writing when you’re sure everyone will love the story as much as you love it. In summary, your younger self ended this last chapter with “His hate was stronger than ever,” which is beautiful, and I wish I could do the same thing.
Anyway, here’s a list of my favorite characters:
Mark, who is definitely my favorite character. I could write rambling paragraphs about this nerd. I just FEEL for him, you know? From his unspecified stomach problems causing him to vomit at odd times*, to his parents involving the local library in a plot to protect him, to dying, this poor dork has had an eventful week. I’m pretty sure I like him so much because I imagine him as the avatar for your younger self, even though I read on your website somewhere you put yourself more in May. It’s probably just because the story’s mostly in his PoV, but whatever. Mark is just so clueless about everything. He’s so stupid and I love him.
*About Mark’s oddly timed puking, it makes me laugh every time because I had my MC do that in the first chapters of my fic. Granted, I later found a way to justify having her puking being a thing, but still. I’m taking points away from your younger self for not being descriptive, though. If you’re going to describe your MC puking a bunch, you should definitely make sure to give a bit of detail of it coming up, the ragged breaths after, almost landing in it, etc. Be more creative, younger Dragonfree.
I’m really protective of May for some reason. Like, Mark could be tumbling down a cliff on fire pursued by angry bears and I’d just be like, “Oh Mark, you dork you,” but May, I care about May. I’m not sure what kind of protective feeling I have towards her, whether something bad is going to happen to her or whether she’s going to make a bad choice, but I want to intervene. I want to help this girl. I want to take her aside to give her advice on how to make friends and tell her to take care of herself every once in a while. Is she going to get hurt? You better not hurt this innocent girl, you monster.
Mark - *wakes up after being dead-ish for two weeks* What just happ-
HELLO, MARK. – Mitch, standing directly behind him
I picture Mitch with a black cape or cloak that he’s constantly using to dramatically gesture with. Maybe it was already described how he dresses, but I don’t care. Now I went backwards with this favorite character countdown but my honorable mentions are: Rob, because his super secret cloning lab; Gyarados, whom I also feel protective of, idk about that; Spirit, because her entrance into this story; Leta and Jolteon, my protectiveness of whom makes much more sense; and finally drunk Scyther, because I legitimately laughed for a long time.
Yeah, this story is great. The only things that make me truly cringe for you are almost every scene where Ash is present, for whatever reason, and any scene where suicide is mentioned/involved, for more obvious reasons. Also, I skim a lot of battles I don’t judge to be important, so I hope nothing important happens during them.
| EkaSwede chapter 78 . 6/21/2018
It's been a long journey, hasn't it? I congratulate on your tenacity and your willpower to finally reach the end of a story, for it is something that is a bit of an impossibility for many people.
| WyldClaw chapter 26 . 2/1/2018
I hope that mark can manage the task Chaletwo and Molzapart have given him
i thought it was neat how philasophical Sandslash was during his and mark's talk
| WyldClaw chapter 18 . 1/23/2018
That so awesome that the monarking saved mark’s life
| WyldClaw chapter 8 . 1/23/2018
Oh wow! I feel bad for charmeleon know that I know what s slime ball his former trainer was
| gavinteb chapter 12 . 1/21/2018
The Gamesharked skyarmory Clap
| Mai-danishgirl chapter 75 . 6/20/2017
I think that is the only way to sum up this. The whole chapter was so tense, I was sitting on the edge of my seat the whole time.
And man, fifteen years. That is kinda ridicules if you think about it too much. I can't remember when I started following, but it must have been at least ten years. I applaud you for keeping this up, for creating such a tense story, and for sticking too it after all these years. Thank you for everything.
| WyldClaw chapter 73 . 3/27/2017
Oh my freaking goodness
| WyldClaw chapter 71 . 3/27/2017
That was amazing
| Negrek chapter 74 . 3/24/2017
It's here! Let's take a look.
[ "He can't attack us in a public place," he muttered...
...allowing him only to think that one sentence: He can't hurt us in a public place. ]
Since you say "that one" sentence, I think you meant for the sentence Mark's thinking to be identical to the one he's been
saying. In which case you'll need to pick either "hurt" or "attack" and stick with it.
Can't help but think that he's really grasping at straws there. If Rick can mind-control the entire region's police force,
League officials, etc. into letting him get away with whatever, surely making a couple dozen bystanders forget they saw a
murder should be cake.
Speaking of, I was pretty weirded out that Nurse Joy didn't know about Rick's mind-control schtick. She's obviously
familiar with both Rick and Mewtwo2, and my impression was that his psychic muckery was pretty much an open secret. More
than anything, though, I don't see how it would change anything to just have her know that contacting the police is
[ Nurse Joy said as she motioned to close the door, looking at Mark. ]
You'd usually say "moved" to close the door, or "began" to close the door, unless it's some weird automated thing that
literally closes when you gesture at it.
I like May's getting angry and punching the wall here. It makes sense that she'd be more the angry-crying type, really
despising herself for breaking down and doing her best to suppress it instead of just melting down into sobbing. Overall I
think you did a good job of the emotional reactions this chapter, which I'm sure you had fun with. :P
[ In the corner, May took a breath that trembled audibly, only to dissolve into suppressed sobbing again as she tried to
Very picky, but saying that May's breath trembled *audibly* sounded off to me. The more usual construction would be, "May
took a trembling breath;" the "audibly" is kind of implied?
[ “Rick could’ve had him put down in a heartbeat,” May said. Her voice was steady now, but still quiet. “They said he had
a trainer so Rick wouldn’t go after him. They didn’t tell him it was me.” ]
Huh, that never would have occurred to me. I'm not so sure Rick will actually spare Tyranitar now that he knows May was
behind Rick's death. I mean, obviously he wants May at least as much if not more, but Tyranitar was the one who literally
crushed his little brother to death...
[ “Chaletwo,” Mark said, something about the voice in his skull sickening and overbearing, “just… stop.” ]
I do have to wonder what asshole thing Chaletwo would have said otherwise. XD
I like the part with May and Stantler less well, though I'm not really sure why. Maybe because "I feel guilty about other
people risking their lives for me" is something I see in media a lot, so this conversation feels like one I've read
several times before? Or maybe because it seems like an odd thing for May to care so much about at this point? I mean,
character development, she's been trying to do right by her pokémon, but having that be her primary concern in this scene
feels a little off to me, maybe? Or perhaps it's Stantler dispensing wise-mentor kind of advice, which again is pretty
standard "you aren't the one responsible/blame doesn't help" stuff. She obviously has the background to be able to say
that, but I don't know, maybe because we don't really see her much outside of her teaching May Life Lessons at various
points in the story? idk, I guess I feel like this conversation would have been a lot messier and more interesting if it
were with someone else. Everything makes sense for the characters to be saying/feeling, but it wasn't nearly as
interesting as the earlier conversation with Mark, and overall it didn't feel very satisfying to me.
On the whole, though, I think this was a solid chapter. I liked Mark and May's interactions a lot; lots of nice details, like the bit at the end where Mark starts sketching for her. Very curious as to where the storyline goes from here; it feels like this could be a fitting end to the tyranitar subplot, given that the main plot needs to wrap up in a couple chapters more, but with Rick still on the loose, I doubt it. I imagine Mewtwo2's going to be important somehow, too. So the question is where May's going to go after this. I could see her doing a heroic sacrifice, although I don't see that being the way you, specifically, would play things (also given that she was originally your self-insert, lol). How will her breakdown and reflection here influence what she does in the climactic chapters? I'm curious to see!
| Mai-danishgirl chapter 74 . 3/22/2017
Huuu, read this chapter with a hollow terrible feeling the whole way, you really get the fear and despair through well.
| Negrek chapter 73 . 11/27/2016
The little bit with Charizard at the beginning was nice; I'd been expecting as much since you posted that sketch of it a few weeks back. You've had a fair amount of Mark/Charizard interaction in the last few chapters, and it's been nice. I don't know that I totally buy it, though.
The story starts out with Charmander having more knowledge than Mark, and the two of them kind of figuring out the training thing together. As the 'fic goes on, though, Charmander gets pretty solidly upstaged by Scyther, such that his largest role in the mid part of the 'fic is simply to be in opposition to Scyther. Beyond that point most of Mark's serious training discussions are with Scyther instead of him, and on the whole Mark doesn't seem to interact with his starter much. In fact, between Chapter 29 and 64 there are only seven chapters where Charizard says anything to Mark at all, and that's counting 38 and 49, where I believe he only says one word apiece ("Ready," and "Dragonite," respectively). So all in all, while the opening scene was quite sweet, at the moment how much Charizard means to Mark doesn't feel totally backed up by the text to me. The narrative wants to sell me on him and Mark having a close bond, and I definitely think it makes sense that they would, but I don't remember actually seeing that bond forming. I do like the idea of their relationship, so I'd have liked to see more of it earlier in the story!
Of course, the second half was a scene that's been a loooong time in coming, and it was definitely nice to see it after so long! And, yup, Robin and Victor spilled the beans, no real surprise there. They must have pretty much JUST been there, too... even if they basically immediately decided to go find Rick and tell him, if I've got the timeline right it can't have been more than a few hours back. Rick was probably busily at work figuring out how he was going to find May and make her pay when she conveniently showed up on his doorstep. (Also, I was 100% unsurprised at May's very casual mention of Tyrantiar there. Well done, May.)
I think the confrontation went well (by which I mean poorly for Mark and company). Having Mark (and Chaletwo) totally helpless while Rick and Mewtwo2 were knocking May around amped up the tension a lot. Based on your reply to my last review I was kind of expecting the Mew Hunter to have been lurking around and bust in to save the day at the end, but I guess I'll continue to await his triumphant return!
Rick's treatment of May and her pokémon is appropriately brutal, and in the case of the former, hands-on; I imagine he wouldn't be satisfied just letting Mewtwo2 mind-crush her or whatever, he wants his revenge to be extremely personal and carried out by his own hand. The action here was appropriately intense, and I liked Rick's slightly unhinged ranting about how he always knew it had to be May.
Anyway, all around I thought this scene was well done and an appropriate beginning to the endgame with Rick... Beginning because I can't imagine that Mark and May making a break for the Pokécenter is going to be the end of it. Rick's mad, he knows who he needs to go after, and he still has Mewtwo2 on his side. I wonder if we'll end up seeing a Chaletwo vs Mewtwo2 showdown. I'm sure Chaletwo would be more than reluctant, but I don't know that there's anybody else on their team who has a prayer of standing up to Mewtwo2. (Or perhaps Mew might need to save the day, if she's capable.)
A small nitpick:
[ ...she yelped as Mewtwo squeezed its two fingers together and an invisible force pressed in around Floatzel, twisting her limbs back with a horrible cracking sound –]
Any reason you went with "Floatzel" instead of "she" towards the middle of this bit? It looks kind of weird to bring her name in when you've been referring to her as "she" and there's no one else here the pronoun could be referring to. (At least THIS TIME I can be pretty sure you aren't referring to the whole of the species of floatzel.)
tbh this chapter was a little too short to feel satisfying to me. It felt like it cut off just as soon as it started picking up!