|Reviews for Mind Games|
| TheHelpingHand chapter 15 . 7/22
Dude, firstly I find it hard to believe 17 would ever leave them alone as he still lives, with the way he is portrayed.
Why the hell wouldn't Yamcha let Gohan in on this, he would be far more understanding and impacting. Considering 18 wounded his Vegeta's pride, with a broken arm and all..., I find it hard to believe he wouldn't start a fight and kill them both right off the bat. He did get beat up by a girl after he had finally became a super saiyan.
Of course, plot convenience - amirite!
They are androids, calculating and with a sense of reason, why would 18 think she could kill her inherently superior brother?
But it was a good story to bring out some emotions in most, if not, all of us. I just found the whole idea purely ridiculous. Such as 17's suicide attempt to sway 18 and then changing tack towards abusing the family. Why did he not start with that?
Your storys are compelling, have interesting ideas to them. I just feel that this, in comparison to your other peices of writing, is rather hard to digest and take in believingly.
I can understand that you may be busy, or just wanted to think of a resolution to this and end it. But if nothing else, keep it simple and things will flow smoothingly.
| Guest chapter 10 . 6/3
It also gets agitating when 18 doesn't fight back
| Guest chapter 8 . 6/3
Its great but I feel like the dialogue is out of character (18)
| Guest chapter 15 . 1/1
Its been ten years since you wrote this, so I can't say that I know whether you still require the advice. In the case that you do, work on your grammar, your syntax is in dire need of improvement. Everything is, really. I don't mean to come off as rude, I apologize if I do.
| Fly Dragon chapter 15 . 8/6/2014
THIS STORY NEEDS TO BE BROUGHT TO LIFE! I cried myself a river, reading first because Krillin and the18 we're fighting, than again after 17 took Marron, and again after they found her, and again at the end! (The tears at the end were for sheer joy though) I mean honestly, this needs to be animated and made into a Dragonball special! I was SOOOOO mad at the 17 through out this whole story, honestly I just wanted to reach into your story and beat the living crap out of him!(but 18 took care of that for me) I was so happy at the end! Words can't describe the relief I felt once Marron was home, healthy and safe, and Krillin and 18 we're once again happy and falling into each others arms! THIS IS(what I feel) YOUR BEST WORK! DON'T EVER STOP DOING WHAT YOUR DOING! and I am so happy that there is a die-hard K/18 fanfiction writter like you! I can tell you adore the couple as much as I do, and(like my other comments) can't wait to read more! XD
| Ssj4mars chapter 10 . 8/22/2013
17's going to learn today. He's going learn today.
| Ssj4mars chapter 8 . 8/22/2013
This story is real good.
It gets me riled up and happy at times. When I read the part when Krillin told Yamcha what was happening I was all like now Yamcha be the smart one and tell Piccolo or Gohan and I actually hit my laptop.
But of course this is your amazingly good story and you can do whatever it is you like./
| Ssj4mars chapter 5 . 8/22/2013
They need to make a call for Vegeta or Gohan
| Guest chapter 15 . 10/3/2011
U r going to write a sequel for his and then the 1 after that I didnt like drama FF...until this my god so what krillen 17 & 18 wer out of character who gives a damn! KEEP WRITING
| Sharpclaws chapter 13 . 12/3/2010
Why didn't they bring a senzu bean?
| Sharpclaws chapter 8 . 12/3/2010
I've been thinking about this for awhile now. WHAT ABOUT VEGETA! He's stronger than 17! He could, and would gladly, kill him. Or beat him to a bloody pulp if 18 still wanted him to get help.
| Doccubus chapter 15 . 1/26/2010
this is an excellent story bravo
| Killthebeast chapter 15 . 7/17/2008
Hello Deadly Beauty!
I've read your storys a few times, back and foth. They are beautiful and perfect. Krillin and 18 are my favourite DBZ Couple. Hope you write more, then i would be haoppy *g*
plase think about it
| Miips chapter 7 . 1/15/2007
This is very well written story!
| PegasusJF chapter 15 . 12/30/2006
It's a little AU in regards to 17s personality, but that certainly is no big deal. I tell you, you succeeded in the emotional undertones of this story, some of the dark sinister moments of 17 really had me upset. I was cheering when Vegeta headed over, was a bit disappointed when he left.
Overall, it was a definite page turner.
However, I think the ending could have benefited from 17's POV, to perhaps confirm the ruminations of Krillen and 18 in the last chapter. His POV ended a bit abruptly.
But again, wonderful story, and I look forward to the next chapter of Serenipity (sp?)
ps...I need to be authorized in the campaigns forums.