|Reviews for Ice|
| Der Critic chapter 1 . 8/21
Haha, you called the story ice; just like your heart!
| DrafteeDragon chapter 1 . 5/22
You should stop beeing such a dickhead, reviewing and telling people how to write their stories. Seriously, nobody cares. It's sad bruh. Just focus on writing your stories because copying and pasting the same text all over again doesnt make you a great writer. Just get a life dude and leave a nice review for once.
| CallieSizemore601 chapter 1 . 3/24
I'm just reviewing for the hell of it. You insulted my friend's story with your pointless grammar rules. Kirbywarriorsfan122 is merely a twelve year old who writes better than you! Your copypaste spam reviews that you wrote are meaningless. Some of these people one here value their stories and don't need a bitch insulting new writers.
| Fuck you Farla chapter 1 . 2/24
Well, as my name suggests, fuck you. Go suck someone's dick or lie down on the bed naked; I wanna smack your booty. Although there will be ripples created due to the smacking, since you're so fat, bitch.
| You asked for it chapter 1 . 2/13
Farla, here's something for you.
Dialogue is never written as "Hello," she said or "Hello!" she did not said, always "Hello." She said or "Hello." she said or "Hello," She did say or "Hello" she says. There's no exception to this is if the next sentence does contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello dumbbitch." farla grinned like an idiot, always "Hello," she grinned or "Hello," She grinned. Do not note that something is a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is not in any category. Not Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," she said. "This is it." not "Hi," she said, "this is it." or "Hi," she said "this is it." or "Hi," she said "This is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," she said, "is it." Also, remember that generally "said" is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, "stated" is no.
Apply this to your own work. Hope this helps! (Not):-)
| Notice chapter 17 . 2/13
You're just a sad little person in the world, with nothing to do but write stories that make no freaking sense, and write stupid comments on other Pokèmon stories.
No wonder your top poll answer is 'I don't care, I just hate you.', it's because you're someone that doesn't think twice for the internet.
ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT HERE WHO HAVE GOTTEN BAD*** COMMENTS FROM THIS AUTHOR, IGNORE THEM!
Although she wants to instruct you, FARLA NEEDS TO INSTRUCT HERSELF!
I hope this comment makes you think Farla.
Because honestly, YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE ON FANFICTION.
| ThenSheFlew chapter 9 . 1/27
This is a very interesting story.
I'm enjoying the challenge of trying to understand the main character and what's happening to her.
This story is a lot of work. I'm not sure how much you intend us to understand. I think it may be just over the line on the side of too confusing. I feel as if missing one important detail would make me unable to follow the rest of the story. I'd like it if you either gave us another chance to understand important but subtle plot points (maybe you're planning to) or if you made them slightly more obvious.
For example, earlier in the book the girl found an object that was like a coin and an egg. I didn't follow that. I spent a while trying to figure it out, but gave up.
Also, one thing which needlessly confuses is the lack of clear breaks between scenes.
There were quite a few times when I couldn't tell if the girl had moved on to somewhere new.
I had to keep backtracking. Some sort of break such as - or a larger gap between paragraphs would be really helpful.
The girl's perspective on the world is fascinating. I don't know how accurate her lack of understanding is, but neglect and abuse in addition to possibly being another species could account for it.
I can't tell if she's not absorbing what people are saying because of indifference or inability to understand, or if she's absorbing it but thinks it doesn't matter.
If you are trying to represent autism, you seem to be doing a good job. You may also intend for her to be a psychopath, which I don't have the necessary experience to account for. But if she's extremely intelligent and autistic, a lot of her actions make sense. Her mimicking of other's behavior and sometimes exact words without really understanding the meaning behind them. Her averse reaction to loud sounds and bright lights and possibly touch, an inability to empathize with other's pain because she can't get inside their head, having no desire to speak and so only talking when it's absolutely necessary, her attention to sensory details and the way things look (though this may be intended to show heightened senses rather than an unusual focus), all of these things would fit with her being autistic.
Of course, abused children can often show symptoms similar to autism without actually being autistic. I'm curious, what did you intend?
There's one thing I don't understand. Why doesn't she leave team rocket? There are many opportunities for her to safely do so, and she is constantly surrounded by people who have the ability and inclination to quickly kill her. In the wild, people may kill her, but the desire to do so is far less common and she has more options. Is the food that much of a draw?
Overall, I really like this story, but it's too much work with too little understanding for me to keep reading. I may come back to it when I have more energy.
| Childish Perspective chapter 1 . 10/23/2015
Came here because eventually I'm hoping to get a review/beta read on something of mine. Writing this now as opposed to when my story is ready because of how much I enjoyed the chapter. Already said in pm I'm pretty new, so this won't be helpful in any way besides giving the viewpoint of an individual with a strange set of values who loves to read.
This was hard to read at first because it's not something I can just turn off my thoughts to and enjoy. That state of mind is rather necessary for a lot of fanfiction if the goal is simply to pass the time. The writing differs whether or not we are viewing from the child's perspective. The girl's unique viewpoint is basic and reflects the lessons she has learned. When the story steps back from that mindset for the most part the story is quite descriptive without being over burdened, a nice change after reading so many character introductions with incredibly detailed clothing but very little actual... character. The introduction with the rattata was very useful. It grabbed my attention, set the tone, and reminded me that this was in fact a pokemon fanfic until we got to the spearow.
I was a bit worried about the spearow section at first. If not for the rattata, I'd probably have wanted to see the spearow die to get the child's reaction. Though what actually worried me were two other things. The only natural sounding story I've read with talking pokemon that weren't Meowth or psychic was a nuzlocke comic, so wasn't sure how that'd go. Not sure I like the "(something) (something)," but the way it's handled isn't too grating and I'm sure the unknown words will gradually disappear. The more important worry was how the child would react to an actual companion, no matter how brief they might be together. She's beautiful to read reacting to those around her, but seeing her in a well written relationship with someone... It's something I'd enjoy reading, but seems easy to mess up. I'm still struggling on writing the balance between believable and extraordinary, so perhaps it is just me stressing over the trouble I'd have writing it.
Well, that's my review. I'm used to dealing with people who need things put to them gently, so this probably seems a bit too... positive. These are my honest thoughts on the subject though and I am looking forward to the reading the rest.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/2/2015
You talk a lot about grammat but you sure suck at it yourself. A million mistakes in the first chapter. Wow.
Its cruel and horrid- this story, I mean. Ypu have a twisted mind. Your writing stule is very simple and not too interesting. There are a lot of authors you insult that you happen to be worse than.
You constantly keep dragging things on. Its very boring for the reader.
You don't deserve to review others' work without reviewing your own.
| jengon chapter 17 . 5/22/2015
Girl ignore the those that drunk a gallon of haterade and keep updating I've been waiting years for this to update. I just hope there is a happy ending and you know what it sounds like the same guy in each thread hey jerk if your reading this don't read if you can't stomach the first chapter. I just wanna know what the ending would be like and what this poor girls actual origin is and I hope we can finally get a answer.
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/16/2015
bwahahahahaha ur brave standing up to all the heat
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/12/2015
It's so horribly boring and sad
| Damn.Leftbrainers chapter 1 . 5/6/2015
So many grammar mistakes in this first chapter ALONE...
And so many spelling mistakes. You call yourself sophistcated?
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/20/2015
i cant really tell whats more pathetic you or your story
| TheFinalElements chapter 17 . 3/10/2015
I consider you quite an annoyance for your review on my story, considering that I'm quite sensitive and anything that I deem harsh will make me succumb in procrastinaton. But now that I go back and visit your profile page and see reviews that people have made toward your stories, I'm like wow this person made it through this much abuse? And he/she's still writing?
Believe me, I'm going to admit that I'm quite ticked off on how you just busted into the place and spewed harsh grammar comments. You practically jeered at people to flame you. You knew they were gonna do it. You didn't back down.
I see this as something in between brave, stubborn, and downright idiotic. I mean, I would have immediately reported all the overwhelming flames that aren't even on topic(though this isn't either) and deleted the story or something. But you...I don't get how you do it.
No, I have not read your story and therefore there is nothing about it in this review. The reason I put this on review is because I don't want you to respond to this. Don't. I'm not trying to flame or anything, but just letting you know what I think. I thank everybody that your reviewing month is over, though it's not meant to be taken as an insult.
And until next year(I'll be watching .-.) Happy Writing!