Reviews for He Was Crying
MysticSorceror chapter 1 . 4/24/2008
Things I liked:

Great opening - nice way to set the scene

I like the way Motoko is there and Yuki is annoyed at it

I love the lack of dialogue in the scene it's nice to read thoughts instead of conversation for a change

The Kyo part is sweet

Cute Yukiru moment - adorable - paralyzed? That's pretty scary

That's true - Ha'ri does speak as if he were a machine

Aww poor Yuki, his condition is so saddening - it's sweet how Kyo is coming to get her

I love the style

Ways to improve:

If this is Yuki then I think the characterization needs a little work (sorry just read your AN)

I'd put depends on whether Akito instead of depends on if Akito

Fantastic Work


Warning: If you can't handle brutal honesty do not read on




Things I didn't like:

I'm really confused as to how Motoko is here
Adi88 chapter 1 . 2/13/2006
Loved it. Very messed up. In a good w- well, a good-bad - argh. I mean, the quality is good. The messed upness is, conventionally speaking, bad. But who needs convention? It's only there to try and make me feel guilty when I torture puppies.
Kelly chapter 1 . 10/5/2005
Oh that was brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! You have the absolute subtlest touch satire and sarcastic dialouge, ever! And if you did it by accident, well, more power to you. :) Yuki might have been a trifle out of character, but all the conversations were just wonderful. If you write dialouge like that in full stories, I offer you my services as your very first fangirl! :)

But, I have to come out and ask: did you *mean* for it to be genuinely funny? Because I laughed through most of it. :)
eimin chuurei chapter 1 . 7/5/2005
i didn't really get it at first, but after a while i saw what you were doing. very sneaky! i like that! and the story too!

by the way my name means "eternal sleep of the loyal dead"(my looks tell it all.
Cardcaptor Soldier chapter 1 . 3/17/2005
that was...real funny. I mean, the fact that you let the reader improvise what the other characters are saying is real cool. i like write another like this soon. arigato
Alex chapter 1 . 10/8/2004
This was interesting. As I said before it is in my opinion that removing some of the repeating of the other persons response would make it alot more interesting. Towards the end it gets kinda stale, it gets too one sided, like I'm sitting in the room listening to someone's phone conversation, but the person is trying to help me know what's being said. I don't know though. It's a matter of opinion I suppose. I really do like the concept though, and it's well-written. Both pluses, I'm just saying I'd do it differently. I think...I think I'm just stating how I would make it better.
Saturn and Roentgen chapter 1 . 10/4/2004
Blah, too lazy to log outta this and log into my own account...

oo I really liked the style/format, very innovative, I haven't read anything in this sort of monologue-ish style.

And of course, the usual angstyness is much appreciated. Just. I. Don't. Like. Tohru. All else is well. _ Keep it up, yo~
Drache chapter 1 . 7/25/2004
aw! that was so sweet and sad. I loved it! great fic.
softbats chapter 1 . 7/20/2004
Yay! I'm finally getting to review this thing (though I swear I did already)! It was good, it was good! Like I said at thy house, the style was quite original. o.o I've never seen that before. *glompa* Congratulations on inventing a new style of writing! XD All that odded me was the Yukiru, but I'm sure that odded even you out. o_o
Killed for Art's Sake chapter 1 . 7/17/2004
Wo! That was really cool. I've never seen this kind of story before O_O and it was really good.

I love the little bits of humor you throw in. XD

"That's wonderful Tohru. I've never been happier in my entire life.

Yes I know I'm paralyzed. What's your point?"


Anyway, keep up the good work!
paperbagxnovel chapter 1 . 7/2/2004
It was weird but in a way addicting. It was angsty and bitter, I like it. Though I didn't quite get Motoko...but nice sad, sad , sad fic.