|Reviews for Second Identity, Third Oculus|
| ask.again.later chapter 2 . 7/17/2015
haha that awkward moment when you have use "midday-meal" instead of "lunch" because that might sound like lunch was eating herself :D
| Reader chapter 31 . 1/27/2014
Launch x Tien fiction are few and far between. Your creative back story for Launch herself is both creative and original. You have taken what Toriyama has forgotten and twisted it into a charming love story. You have spent years of work into the story, please finish.
| Loveable Leah chapter 15 . 7/17/2013
All your chapters are perfect... I'm re reading this Fanfic...
| sailor gaby chapter 31 . 8/29/2012
buen capitulo,muy lindo
| myst-of-twilyte chapter 30 . 3/29/2011
I can't believe you haven't updated this in almost two years now! Why did I have to come upon this? It's almost torture! Lunch/kushami (specifically kushami, though I think lunch adds a little bit to the character as a whole) is definitely my favorite female character in the series and high up on my list of general characters as well! Although I never seriously considered Lunch/kushami and Tenshinhan just because their relationship wasnt very developed I did like the two them - and your story has multiplied it considerably! Please don't leave this story abandoned after I just came upon it!
| ggggggggggggggggggggg chapter 31 . 12/13/2010
Awesome story, one of my favourite fanfictions ever. I really hope you finally finish it one day. I really love all of the development on Lunch, who was just a gag character at best in the original Dragonball. Don't think I'll ever look at her the same way again.
| leaesca chapter 31 . 8/20/2010
Hello, it's been a very long time since I've read some fanfiction. I'm a big fan of Lunch and Tenshinhan and I must admit this is one of the best fan fictions i've read :). I realy hope to read the next chapter soon, because I've enjoyed it very much. Keep up the great work!
| Esplandian chapter 31 . 6/8/2009
Wow, this is the best Lunch x Tien story I ever read. For some reason I always associated, Chiaotzu, Tien, and Lauch to the ocult. You bring that same supernatural air that was absent from DBZ. Gracias, and greetings from Mexico.
| Tomo chapter 31 . 5/12/2009
A very enjoyable chapter, as always! I especially like the idea of the three going to Uranai Baba to resolve things...it's almost like the journey of Dragonball that we didn't hear: Lunch's journey to find herself :) The aspect of mononoke and ghosts was delightfully creepy, too.
I'm nervous to hear what the ending will be! If I feel upset, I can't imagine what the protagonists must feel like- Or, well, maybe I can, because you describe it so well. Thanks for updating!
| Fujiko Kuwabara chapter 29 . 11/10/2008
Wow, this took me about two days to read all of this. I really love this and I'm dying to know what happens. You're a great writer.
| HellCat's-bounty chapter 29 . 6/16/2008
Wow. I was worried about the alternating POV in the beginning, but you've made it easy and fun to follow. Don't worry, you write Lunch quite believably.
You put a lot of research into this, I'm impressed and hooked. Can't wait for the last few chapters, a definite fav!
| Champion of Justice chapter 29 . 1/17/2008
This is a way awsome story. I can't wait to read more. Please update soon.
| Soon chapter 29 . 1/7/2008
Oh, a new chapter. I had almost given up on checking.
Hmm... Carrying on, are you? You seem to be building another event chain rather than drawing the story to a close. I'm a bit worried about that decision. I feel it'll be difficult for you to build up the kind of emotion that chapter 27 offered again for the finale. Ending the story during the aftermath of that event would have had a lingering sense about the tragedy.
Still, I suppose I should trust your ability, especially if you feel that your talent has increased since your last period working on this story. Let's hope you can pull it off. Your work on this story deserves it. It's definitely the most in-depth and creative TenxLunch story that I've ever seen, that's for sure.
| Toni The Mink chapter 29 . 1/5/2008
Aw man, all that wait for such a small chapter? I wonder how many more to go?
Thanks for updating though. I think you took the guy's advice, because Kushami's narration sounds more like Kushami.
All in all, nice. Tenshinhan's being a nice boy and comforting Lunch for a change instead of ignoring her.
| Soon chapter 28 . 9/27/2007
Hey, Piccylo (love the name). I've just finished reading the final chapter that you've uploaded and have finally decided to comment on the story thus far (I can see nothing to inform me that the story is over, despite the length of time since your last installment). Be prepared, this'll probably be long... so I hope you're still interested in reading reviews for this story.
I must say that it's been refreshing to see someone using the correct (that is to say, original)terminology for a DB/Z/GT Fanfic. As Tenshinhan was my favourite male character in Dragonball, and Lunch is my favourite female character within the entire trilogy (not that she appeared in the let-down that they titled GT), I'm naturally extremely fond of the pairing. It's the only romance that I've ever found even remotely interesting within the series, really, so I'm thrilled to see such an enthusiastic attempt at a fanfiction based around the pair. They left an incredible amount of potential untapped within the show.
Crticisms? Well, they're few and far between, actually. Your writing style is excellent, surpassing my own, I believe (with only several instances where I found your passages to be a tad repetetive), and you've definitely got the right idea by making most chapters short and sweet. I, myself, have a tedency to pile far too much into a chapter (8,0 words or more, usually), making it more difficult to keep an audience fresh and interested. Still, I can't kick the habit, alas...
I found that your 'decision' (if that's what it was) to leave many of the Japanese terms untranslated was, on the whole, quite wise. It was quite confusing in places and gave off an amatuerish impression, granted, but it made for a much better (and, more importantly, realistic) reading than those who try to roughly translate certain phrases into English. I'm learning Japanese myself, though am still a novice.
My only real criticisms come from your handling of the characters at times. I think that you made mistakes with both Tenshinhan and the Kushami side of Lunch's split personality quite often. Tenshinhan seemed far too emotionally close to Kushami for it to entirely believeable, which showed through drastically when you tried, and failed in my eyes, to cast a different light on the scenes within episode 12 of DBZ. Kushami was also far too considerate about the feelings of others. I don't think the evidence can deny that she completely lacks the ability of empathy, only really taking into account her own feelings when acting. She can still be portrayed in a positive light, despite her obvious misgivings, but I think you made her a little too positive. It just didn't seem like her at times (and she's my favourite half of the one-woman double act). Still, I understand that idealism can take over from realism when writing about these two (or three?), and our fondness for the characters can cause us to sway from the actual harshness of the pairing. I've tried writing stuff for these two before, and it's never come out as I'd hoped.
I also would've been very interested to see you try and alter your writing style when switching between characters. Lunch was fine, and Tenshinhan settled fairly snuggly with me, but the way you were describing Kushami's thoughts and feelings made it seem like a little person was speaking from inside her mind, rather than her thoughts actually being projected from the first person. It would've been interesting (and infinitely more comical) if you could have tried to write the passages as Kushami might describe them.
Still, on the whole, I've found the story to be excellent, so far. I'd be interested to see more, although I cannot disagree with you if you believe that this is an ideal place to leave it. It's not perfect, but I'll be damned if you can cook up a better ending in future chapters.
I was actually quite moved by some of it, in truth (which I'm sure you must've aimed for). You've touched upon some ideas and theories that I have actually used for Lunch myself, although I can't claim that I pre-empted everything. There were a few interesting surprises in there, and, although our imaginations were not completely linked, you've practically managed to type out my very own ideas in places, giving or taking a certain amount of detail along the way (I would've elaborated on some themes that you have not, while on the other hand, I don't beleive that I could have added quite as much depth to some things as you have).
I hope this was interesting to read (insightful is a bit too much to hope for), rather than tedious. I'm from the ghetto and had a poor education, so sounding intelligent takes a painful amount of effort. Rahaha!