|Reviews for Kianna sister of Ash|
| Nick Johnson chapter 1 . 11/8/2004
I have these 5 questions to ask you about this fanfic. 1. What is the plot of this fanfic? 2. When and where does it take place? Either one, mostly the where, may change throughout this fanfic. 3. Just how old is everyone that is in this fanfic? 4. Just what kind of Pokemon did Ash, Misty, and Brock have when this fanfic started? 5. Are they the same Pokemon they had in the show? If not, then what kind? Be sure to answer these questions. And I will be having some more questions for you to answer later.
| mystery chapter 2 . 10/25/2004
oh come on! y can't u write i mean tye faster and more ?
| Left the site chapter 1 . 8/15/2004
hm...Ash's dad? that was surely it makes the story interesting nevertheless...
| richard paul mcdowell chapter 2 . 7/15/2004
i think im loseing my sense of english because i didnt get a single damn thing!
| Jax Malcolm chapter 2 . 7/8/2004
Um... I'm not sure what to say to you that isn't blunt, but I'll see what I can do. Please don't take this as a flame. It isn't. But...
The word count of one of my average chapters equals all of your stories. Combined.
You're taking things too quickly. Slow it down to include more detail. Dialogue is only PART of the game. Don't rely on only it to tell your story. You can with a script format, but even then, you need to describe your characters' appearances and surroundings in detail. As it is, your story is actually kinda dry because you're lacking in real description.
Don't automatically assume that we know what Kianna looks like. Remember that, as the storyteller, you may have this impressive and absolutely perfect world designed in your mind, but as your readers, we have nothing. Don't skimp out on details and leave us hanging there. It's your job as the storyteller to present to us as much from your world and everything in it as you can describe to give us a better image of what's going on.
You might also want to proofread to be absolutely sure everything you write makes sense.
Other than that, keep trying. It takes a lot of hard work to be good. I'm not saying I'm good myself, but I'm getting there, just like you. We both need to remember to practice so that our skills as writers can develop.
Don't give up.
| gladdecease chapter 2 . 7/8/2004
That was a really short chapter...keep up the good work, 'kay? Later!