|Reviews for Uninvited: Revived|
| Silver Azure chapter 1 . 11/2/2010
Excellent fic, I miss Uninvited!
What brings my blood to a boil is how they have fics for Uninvited but not Deja Vu nor Shadowgate.
Awesome fic tho :)
| Silver Sheilds chapter 1 . 6/10/2008
Hey, nice story. You know, I played that game one time and when I met Scarlet O' Hara and found out she was a skeleton who would rip me to shreds and laugh maniacally, I freaked, I seriously freaked, for weeks I had to always make sure that she wasn't in my room before I went to bed, talk about being afraid of the dark. Yeah, I was that scared. Just one of the many things that freaked me out. I hate being freaked out. So I see you haven't updated this story in a few years, 'cause it'd be great if you updated it. Please update it.
| RPLG chapter 1 . 12/16/2005
Good start. I'd recommend cutting back on the swearing, though. It detracts from the story. I am interested to see how the red stone scenario plays out (picking up the stone causes you to die eventually, yuck what a cheap way to die).
| lilkris chapter 1 . 10/4/2005
the perfect opener to the old nes game Uninvited
You should add continue when he enters the house
| Krista Aya S chapter 1 . 8/25/2005
Ooh, I've played this!
I'm not sure if you wanted me to laugh, considering you listed it under Mystery/Supernatural. It seems more like a comedy or parody. Well, the intro made me laugh. IT's good, do keep it up. :)
| Cymoril Avalon chapter 1 . 4/26/2005
""Ungh... OW, SON OF A MOTHER FUCKIN' BITCH!""
Great way to start a fic! XD I love Uninvited as a kid, and I'm surprised that there is actually fanfiction about it.
This could be good, but it's best if you separate dialogue so that each character gets their own paragraph. If you smush everything into one paragraph it's very hard to follow. Like this:
"Yo, what's up," the wizard said, waving his bling bling.
Jack blinked. "Who the hell are you?"
"Wouldn't you like to know."
Yeah, totally pulled out of thin air, but it's the example that counts.
Do continue this!
| SephAlucard chapter 1 . 3/10/2005
Well, yeah. The swearing was a bit much, but not quite what Uninvited is about. Try to add some dry and dark wit to it (like when the car blows up the game says "At least it will save you the cost of a tow." It's like trying to find the good of the hopeless situaton. In fact, now I want to write a fan fic about Uninvited. Anyway, if you do write more, my question is how will you make Jack face the skull lady without getting himself killed? THAT is tricky. Now, I'm off!
| AislinnofCal chapter 1 . 2/27/2005
Well, I've played Uninvited, so at least I know what this about. However, regarding your technique, here's what I think. Basically, when we read, we're trying to see it from an out-of-body point of view. Using terms such as, "Hey, wouldn't you if all of this happened to you?" isn't very professional. They actually mention this in English 1A classes in college.
Although your story starts off correctly (mind you, I wouldn't read the next chapters, since it doesn't interest me that much), you may want to take that into account.
| Jay chapter 1 . 2/2/2005
Cut back on the swearing, who gives a damn if the guy can say mother fucker and all that. Make it scary like the game. Other than that keep up the good work.