Reviews for Heroes of the Jedi Order
JediMaster Baggins chapter 6 . 10/15/2004
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT - Chapter Seven Delayed

Right, maybe not that important to some of you, but I thought I should let you know, since I already said it would be out by tomorrow (Oct 16). I'll have to delay Chapter Seven for a few more days - seeing as this is a *very* important point in the story, and I've only gotten halfway through correcting and improving it, I'll need to push the release date back a bit. I just know there's so much more I need to improve on this part and I want it to be a bit better for you guys.

Any questions, e-mail me: lbartell . Keep checking back every so often, I've got something planned that I might put in between these chapters... ;)
JediMaster Baggins chapter 7 . 10/8/2004
:P Yeah, it took me a while to decide how I was going to end that, and in the end I figured a mixture of the possible endings in the game would be a bit more interesting than just one you can choose in the game. And also, it wasn't Alora's fault that it ended this way, like it would be if they all died in the game.

Chapter Seven will be out in about a week, if you want the specifics. So check back here around the 14th - 16th and I'll have it uploaded about then.

Until next time...

- JMB
snackfiend101 chapter 7 . 10/7/2004
*wince* Ouch. I suppose that's one way to resolve a feud.
snackfiend101 chapter 6 . 9/28/2004
Onward and upwards...
Kendoka Girl chapter 1 . 9/28/2004
I enjoyed your story so far. You have good descriptions of the characters and engaging dialogue. Keep up the good work.

Aloha, Alice
snackfiend101 chapter 5 . 9/21/2004
And the plot thickens...I guess Jarek *does* know about Alora...ag, your names are giving me trouble. My Revan is named Jalek, and I keep getting Jarek and Jalek mixed up...but that's just 'cos I'm stupid. Hm...
JediMaster Baggins chapter 1 . 8/31/2004
Thanks, everyone. Yes, Jarek knows about Alora but he's a bit worried about her having visions of her former self. He's afraid of the problems it might cause.

Anyway, I haven't updated because we're in the process of moving right now - we've already moved out completely but we still don't know where we're going to live next. And I haven't had Internet for the past few days - I'm writing this on my grandparents' computer. I'll update ASAP. :)
snackfiend101 chapter 4 . 8/13/2004
Nice developement. Killing off Galnar, though sad, had to be done, I suppose. Uh...does Jarek know Alora is Revan? It sounds like he does, but then he gets confused about her having visions of Revan and now *I'm* confused. Anyway, I like it. Definitely an interesting twist on the story we all know and love.

Oh, and one last thing. Alora-great name. Have you ever played an CRPG called Baldur's Gate? I can't get the image of the little halfling theif out of my head whenever I see the name Alora! :p
Mariamus chapter 3 . 7/25/2004
This is very good. I've played the game 3 times now, and I love it. Great work :) Keep it up ;)
JediMaster Baggins chapter 2 . 7/14/2004
Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. One thing: Yes, I noticed after the first few paragraphs they stopped being..."paragraphed", or whatever. Believe me, I tried to change it, but there wasn't anything I could do about it, unfortunately. Yes, about that certain paragraph you mentioned: looks like I missed that. It was meant to be Jarek looking up at Galnar and Galnar gave him the 'firm look'. Sorry about the confusion. Just added the third chapter, which should be up in a little while!
snackfiend101 chapter 2 . 7/14/2004
Hm...interesting idea. Your writing style is good, although the quote Prisoner 24601 mentioned had me scratching my head as well. Also, your formatting is a bit odd. I would recommend paragraphing more. Or differently, or something. Anyway, good story. Keep it up.
Prisoner 24601 chapter 1 . 7/9/2004
Interesting start. I like the idea of a story about the other Jedi on the Endar Spire and I'm curious to see where this goes.

A couple of things. You may want to watch your pronoun usage (him, he, her). Because you have two male Jedi, Jarek & Galnar sometimes it is difficult to understand which "he" you are referring to. For example, this sentence:

"Jarek looked up at Galnar, still running, and he gave him a firm look, which told him to keep going-there was nothing he could do."

I'd just use their names.

Another thing, you might want to describe the surroundings more. You have dialogue and action but they need a setting. Little descriptions about what the surrounding area is like would be helpful.
sammie teufel chapter 2 . 7/9/2004
interesting take...something for everyone. i'll be interested to see how you adapt as the story goes on...

ST
Lord Valentai chapter 2 . 7/8/2004
Quite good so far, the point of view change to the Jedi is a good idea in the circumstances. Do continue.
arrow maker chapter 2 . 7/8/2004
love it. Hope to see more. _
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