|Reviews for Gods and Demons|
| Negrek chapter 31 . 5/30
A nice, meaty chapter here. I particularly like all the worldbuilding with the loremasters at the end, there. I was thinking the second/third crossing was talking about people coming to Gaiien, specifically, from other regions, but it sounds more like humans coming in from space/another dimension instead. In which case, I wonder why they keep showing up? And what's up with the "first crossing," since it hasn't really been mentioned. The idea that there are ruins from before any of the humans crossing is also interesting... not sure if you've got some kind of PMD stuff going on in the backstory, there, where pokémon used to build cute little towns and whatnot, or if you have something else in mind. This story in general doesn't seem to conform too well to the PMD aesthetic. XD
Ancient pokémon were mentioned quite a bit in the new chapter one, and now they come up again here... chance we'll be meeting at least one of them before the end of the story, rising... Mentioning them really gives the world a dangerous feel, though, like these aren't just ancient in the sense that they're from old stories ancient, but rather that they might show up on your doorstep to burn your city down tomorrow. Also gives further reason to want to maximize the number of trainers available... you don't just want people comfortable with electric-types so they can work at a power plant, you want people who can face off against Poké-Cthulhu and/or try to get people to safety while it's rampaging.
So we get some answers about what's up with Matt, but not nearly enough. How did he end up getting involved with demon nonsense in the first place? If there's only about a dozen or so people like him out there, demon-guy must be at least a little selective about who he curses. Why is he so adamant about not working with Lady Black, leaving Gaiien, or generally being something other than obstinant and difficult? How conveniently frustrating that he literally can't talk about it. ;) Li'l Linden looks like she'll make an interesting addition to the party, too, although at this point I'm not sure how much more conflict it can handle without completely imploding.
It feels like this is where the plot really picks up. Exciting! It sounds like there'll be some serious shit going down in the near future, and I'm definitely looking forward to it.
slendamantis for best fakemon, though
| Negrek chapter 30 . 3/12
- "A bug- and dark-type, it evolves from prolant at level 25 with good physical potential."
I think this ought to read "...it evolves from prolant with good physical potential at level 25." Sounds a lot better to me than the current formulation. Looking back I realized that you've actually been a bit inconsistent with how the pokedex phrases the Xant entries, but this is the form I like best.
If I may be the pedantic punctuation police for a moment here, you have a tendency to miss the commas in compound sentences, like in these two here:
"Haladana buzzed at the other ant pokémon and they scattered obediently out into the tunnels."
"The darkwater burst the cap off the canteen and Moriko dropped it."
In these cases the "and" joins two clauses that could stand on their own as complete sentences, so there should be a comma before each.
"She started to walk over to where Russ was laying and she stumbled as the darkwater got heavier..."
*lying, and there should be a comma in front of that "and" as well
"...and the paraslit flailed Russell's body uselessly as he sunk into the sand under their combined weight."
"She had at least a dozen: her own seemed to share their sockets with the eyes of her ensouled pokémon."
Well that's not even the faintest bit unsettling.
I was a little unclear to me what Vleridin was up to during the early part of this chapter. She popped out to defend Moriko near the beginning, but then she showed up again near the end and I wasn't clear how she'd gotten there. She didn't pop back into Moriko at any point that I could see, so wouldn't she have gotten caught in the tunnel cave-in or knocked out by one of the demons and been unable to rejoin the group without some assistance?
I think you did a great job with all the action this chapter! You did a good job of keeping the tension high throughout the chase, Russel's healing, and the eventual full battle. And nice battle, too, as always; it's always fun to cut loose with the really flashy attacks and powerful pokemon. I do have trouble keeping track of which pokemon is which sometimes-I'm pretty solid on Moriko's team, but much less so for either Matt or Russel, so I didn't really remember who e.g. the springbuck was.
I liked Matt's little temper tantrum at the end, too; mysterious inscrutable lady is definitely super mysterious and inscrutable! I imagine, now that the immediate danger has passed, he's going to have some 'splaining to do about just how all these mysterious and extremely dangerous people happen to know him.
That lady in white has one badass team, though. Heck.
| 5mmpersecond chapter 1 . 1/23
Your writing talents are incredible; I honestly wouldn't be surprised to learn that you are -or were- a professional author of some kind. The amount of literary devices used in your depictions help the reader picture not only the image but also the emotional impressions of said image. It shows (in my very unprofessional opinion) a great amount of writing skill.
I'm really enjoying reading this fanfiction so far and hope you understand and appreciate how talented you are :)
| Negrek chapter 29 . 1/20
My, Moriko and friends got catapulted face-first into the plot this chapter, didn't they? I can dig it. :P It's cool to finally see some of these characters who've been lurking in the background get pulled to front and center.
The many branching evolutions of prolant are cool and make a lot of sense for a eusocial species. Kinda gotta wince at the crystal-type one, though, myself; the type chart's already enough of a mess as it is, imo.
Not sure the darkwater's such a great idea to be feeding to Russel. If the little ritual down at the source is anything to go by, it might be nourishing to demons and might do quite the opposite of forcing the paraslit out of Russel's body. If Matt and Moriko manage to make it back up to him with it, that is!
I'm kind of surprised Haladana didn't mention that the darkwater might have some purpose outside of just being stored down in the cave-with the dais there, it seems pretty clear there's more to that chamber than just that it happens to be filled with the stuff. Presumably the hive doesn't actually know what goes on in that room, but I would imagine they suspect something-not sure if Haladana's failure to comment on it is an intentional omission or not.
Lots of cool stuff in this chapter. Definitely looking forward to whatever comes next!
| Negrek chapter 28 . 11/24/2015
I don't remember whether Celestiule changing color to match the sky was mentioned before or not, but it's a real cool idea. Not to mention super pretty.
Ah, so paraslit is one of The Mad Tortoise's fakemon? (Definitely someone I'd love to hear from, too, if they're still knocking around.) I remember there was another one that was like a mirror that showed up briefly earlier on in the story-didn't realize there would be more. From the way it's described, it sounds like it's an obligate parasite. I'm not sure if a characteristic of demon pokémon is that they have to consume energy from other organisms to grow and develop (I'm guessing paraslit is considered a demon, or closely related, anyhow), although it would make sense.
I liked the little interludes from the paraslit's POV; very evocative.
"Somehow the whole thing was less fun when it wassomeone you knew who might imminently leap up and run possessed into the night..."
Little word-smush there. Spellcheck would've caught that one. ;)
Hmm, interesting. A thunder wave affects the paraslit but not Russel, but Celeste's sing attack *does* work on humans?
The voltant seems like a fun character. It'll be interesting to see how the interaction with the reginant goes and what, if anything, it might mean for Russel's condition. Out in the desert like that I don't imagine the colony would have much interaction with humans aside from the odd visitor to the waystation or infrequent traveling trainer (and what a colony of insect pokémon works like!), so it'll be fun to see how they relate to Moriko's party and what their motives are for bringing them in. (Or maybe they're just nice and want to help out!)
Good luck on your rewrites! I look forward to seeing how you change the story so it fits better with your current plans. Hopefully you can pick up some new readers with the reboot, too!
| Negrek chapter 27 . 9/23/2015
Well, of course I'm keeping up with this! It's one of my favorites, after all. Obviously (...very obviously) I get a bit behind in my reading time and again, but you should always expect me to pop up eventually. On to the next chapter...
Okay, so "buzzurgh" is just a fantastic fakemon name.
It looks like you're still kind of in recap mode with all the pokemon's names being paired with their species when they come up (e.g. "Rufus, Moriko's oxhaust," "the mooskeg, Vleridin"). I think by this point you're probably good-at least I don't have a problem remembering who's who with the exception of Tarahn and Rufus because for whatever reason my head likes "Tarahn" better as a name for an oxhaust, and I'm always getting them mixed up. But that's my problem, and I've had it for the entire story. The reminders look a little shoehorned in to me in this chapter, particularly where you end up mentioning the species shortly thereafter in the narration anyway ("Rufus, Moriko's oxhaust... The oxhaust..."). Since Vleridin's been a major character over the past couple of chapters, I don't think you really need to remind the readers that she's a mooskeg, either.
Hmm, so you're going with "air" over "flying?" Any significance to that, or do you just like the more traditional elemental association?
"Inside, the pizzas were ready, and they let the pokémon try a little tomato or hot sauce or soda, and even Sai, the sad outcast, looked like he was having a good time, and there was ice cream afterward. It was a good day."
Oh yeah the next chapter's gonna be unhappy. :P
More nice world-building this chapter! I find it particularly interesting how little anyone *really* knows about how pokemon and humans work. It makes sense for the pokemon, since they live in fairly isolated places and probably get a lot of this stuff as folklore more than anything, but it suggests some pretty big gaps in human understanding despite (presumably) a great deal of study. I wonder how much of it's just this particular group not knowing everything and how much is generally unknown.
The details on the wayhouse were great, too; you do a good job of making the whole training thing feel plausible, a system people would actually participate in. In general I've enjoyed all the worldbuildy details we've gotten since the reboot. It kind of feels like you're setting things up all over again as we ease back into the 'fic. My sense is that plot's just over the horizon, though, and I'm really looking forward to it.
Hope you're feeling good and the writing's going well. See you next chapter!
| Estuaree chapter 24 . 9/14/2015
I've been reading this since it was first published and oh my god you're working on it again OH MY GOD I CANNOT EXPRESS IN WORDS, I'M SO EXCITED;;;;;;
| WyldClaw chapter 5 . 8/26/2015
i think it should be interesting having matthew travel with moriko and russell
| WyldClaw chapter 4 . 8/6/2015
| WyldClaw chapter 3 . 8/6/2015
looks like moriko and her pokemon have grown up quite a bit since the last chapter
| Negrek chapter 26 . 4/9/2015
Ah, I was thinking Moriko'd be stuck with Vleridin inside her on a more long-term basis. Interesting that humans were "carriers" or hosts for pokemon even before the invention of pokeballs. I imagine we'll be seeing some individuals who still practice that sort of relationship before the story's out.
I'm kind of surprised Moriko didn't ask Tarahn about the ensouling thing. Seems like he'd be in the best position to try and explain it to her, unless the idea is that it's very uncommon knowledge even among wild pokemon. I like the resolution (sort of) of Moriko and Vleridin's conflict, though; Vleridin's exposure to Moriko's perspective and her realization both of how small her old world was and how much farther she'll be able to go with Moriko is both a very fitting and very cool reason for her to want to accompany her. I wonder how that will affect Moriko's team dynamics, since it means she'll probably be treating Vleridin rather different than her other pokemon.
All in all possession/ensouling seems pretty cool and useful... makes me wonder why it's so little known in these days. Obviously it's more dangerous than just stuffing pokemon in balls, but the whole altered consciousness and exchange of memories thing seems like it would make it central to a lot of old spiritual practices and popular even in modern times among the more mystically inclined. It seems less like there's a stigma against it than just people don't know about it-some systematic attempt to wipe out knowledge about it in the past?
"She left a space between it and the Seed Badge, a stylized pinecone, for the missing Venom Badge; closest to the buckle was the Dust Badge, a blocky dust devil, won six weeks and a million years ago."
Mmmm, I don't know about a MILLION years, but maybe... eleven? ;)
"Moriko considered David, Angela and the other two her enemies and rivals, but had been as troubled as anyone about the apparent attack on Dave by his borfang, Ophelia, that had left him seriously injured and Ophelia in anguish."
This sentence strikes me as a bit cumbersome. Maybe splitting it into two would help out a bit? It's the "attack on Dave by his borfang" that reads the strangest to me.
Looks like Moriko and company have some fun times waiting for them in the desert! Definitely looking forward to it.
| Y-ko chapter 26 . 4/8/2015
I read this chapter (I always read the latest chapter of long fics instead of the first when checking them out) and despite the fakemon and talking Pokemon, I was kind of interested. Then I visited your profile and apparently you're besties with Farla? Eww. Never mind!
| dzk87 chapter 25 . 3/29/2015
Whoa it's alive.
Great fic, not much commentary though... chapters too short.
| Moriko no Hikari chapter 25 . 2/5/2015
YOU CAME BACK! HALLELUJAH, YOU CAME BACK!
| jumping off of rocky cliffs chapter 24 . 2/5/2015
As someone who had anonymously followed this story since about three years ago, I was pleasantly surprised to come back to on a whim today and see an update - and no less than a few hours ago, too! You're a lovely writer, and I can't wait to see how you continue the story. Keep it up! (: