Reviews for Illyria the Slayer
alienyouthct chapter 4 . 12/23/2009
Um, you need to learn when to (and when not to) use capital letters, your grammatical abilities remind me of a illegal Mexican immigrant... and this is 'a talent for writing'? And a college student? Christ. There goes my faith in American higher education, I tell you what.
David Fishwick chapter 18 . 1/6/2009
Nice and I liked it. Please write more as I liked the plot.
Cinnamon Cigarettes chapter 2 . 10/11/2008
Well, you had a good idea, but you haven't seemed to execute it very well so far.

Illyria just doesn't seem in character. She wouldn't accept humanity this easily at all.
freelancer reviews chapter 1 . 6/18/2007
Its a nice idea but very off base. Good imagination, it just for many parts of it you seem to make up your own world of laws and physic's related to old ones, and Illyria herself. Illyria does not and can not consider herself human, in part that she has no essense of humanity. Fred soul is non-existing. Illyria does however have subconsious memories and leftover brief "sparks" of feelings from Fred. In a way Illyria can be persuaded by these "sparks". But no manner of essence is left of Fred in any other way. At the start with Gunn, if Illyria could transfer her essence then she never would have to have her powers extracted to prevent Illyria from exploding. So its immpossible that with out some alternate means could this happen. Illyria at best can be only influnced to act and only grows attach to things that benifit or look after her, for example Westly. Being that Illyria has lost everything her ego is easy to manipulate. At the same time Illyria's ego and demon lack of moral would prevent her from having warriors pride. She views the world and everyone in it as something that must serve her interest. Illyria places people and things as useful or worthless. With only little acceptance that she must "present herself a certain way" or "give" viewing these as tactics or a kind of manipulation. The majority of her feelings come from this and instinctivly her world and well being is the only important one. Care for Westly comes directly from that he influenced her overall well being in the world by giving her a means to live and survive, and that Freds leftover "Sparks" give off Westly as a means for this. Like a bizarre master to animal relationship. So unfortuantly Gunn being a interest of any kind is highly unlikely. Being that he is weakest and least of importance of the group in her eyes, and that Illyria views him as more of a thing that is not in it proper place, a gesture of humility. The little of what Illyria does know and exceplify about humans and slayers she detest. Giving no need to align herself with anything she does not have to or is "stuck relying on". Illyria ego also does not allow her to give actual has no need for clothing because it is all a guise, she can change her outfit at will, being more of a illusion. Its also unlikely that kennedy has magical power of any kind, slayers are more of a reseptical of magic without the ability to naturally call on it.

Overall your ideas are very forward and entertaining.

It is all a fun idea with Illryia being so very different and being able to have her explained from such a humanizing view point. The humour of it is well developed. I don't however feel you have a strong grasp on the ability to show each character individual. Most character interaction seems to feel like the same person talking to themselves with lacking in emotional focus. The writing style could benifit from a more outward look with less of your persona taking on a charcaters view. It would be better to have explain it like its narrative and not something your living.

This review is subject to change.
Syl chapter 1 . 9/30/2006
Your summary begins with these three words. "Illyira takes solice "

You misspelled both Illyria and solace. I didn't read your story. That's why. If you can't even bother to proofread your summary, you'll lose a lot of potential readers. Even a simple spellcheck should've picked up on those mistakes. If you spent the time to write a 132831 word story, you owe it to yourself to make sure it's free of easily fixable errors.
Darklight chapter 17 . 11/23/2005
Still around and reading, like it so far, not abig fan on the Buffy and slayer army and Blue.

Keep teh chapters coming and more Harm and her group and teh kid that asked blue for help, without her join teh slayers or get dragged into their troubles.
AJeff chapter 17 . 11/22/2005
You are such a fantastic writer. Very creative. Please hurry with Chapter 18.
AJeff chapter 16 . 11/22/2005
Wow! Let me go on to Chapter 17. Great, as usual.
AJeff chapter 15 . 9/24/2005
Love your story. Okay, I'm done reading all chapters. Can't wait for chapter 16.
Darklight chapter 13 . 2/24/2005
O boy what did they turn Harmony into? going at the name she got Dhamile fifty-two. Dhamvire, having all the advantages of a vampire and none of the disadvantages, can't wait to see what they changed her into beside the enhanced hearing.

Harmony got to have a reflection again, and then see the Tatoo across her face, she'll forget everything else but the Tatoo.

These guy are a lot better than the Iniative at molding soldiers and enhancing Sub-T's and controling them.

Intriging group that rescued harmony, can't wait to see where they'll go for help and if Harmony will go with them and face the Smurfet.
dante hunter chapter 12 . 2/19/2005
To say the truth it's an excellent story you know with all the behavior of illyria i thought that she could be pregnant
Darklight chapter 12 . 1/17/2005
Fantastic chapter, liking Glory and Blue more and more.

Like the construct idea and Dawns connection to it, can't wait to see what's going to happen next.

Harmony, what are they going to do with her, get more Harmony. Can't wait to see how they're going to use Harmony and transoform her in one of their experiments on her.

She took one down and almost got away.

keep the chapters coming
l1nux chapter 1 . 12/16/2004
Gah!

"This story, says I, " has terrible punctuation: And Inexplicable Caplitalization.

The dialog is forced and lacks any type of a rythm and has many run on sentences that just keep going with a passive voice that they are written in.

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Not to say this story doesn't show promise, but poor grammatical execution detracts from the characters. Think about the way lines were delivered in the original series, the way each character had a unique personality that was demonstrated through subtle dialog, not long expository monologues.
Luc Star chapter 11 . 12/2/2004
well.. this was definitely interesting. but i think u rushed Illyria and Gunn's 'fornication' a little ahead of schedule. was kinda like u dropped a bomb or something.. wasn't really prepared for that. tell the truth, i thought there would be better chemistry between spike and illyria, all the others fictions they have been a couple in has turned out freaking good. i was really hoping u would lean towards that. but hey.. good either ways.. i think. anyways.. will be here when u post the next chapter mate.. so keep on writing.
Darklight chapter 11 . 12/2/2004
Great one, like the new bads, no playing with the nemies just take them out.

Mor Blu and her little friend.
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