Reviews for A Stranger in an Unholy Land
B. A. Ware chapter 16 . 6/4/2012
One thing bothers me. When Harry activated the device, shouldn't the magical broadcast system stop working? Just a minor thing that spoils the "Kill Voldemort in front of the entire country" idea. Aside from that, love the story.
Iverin chapter 13 . 4/27/2012
They would attack Harry first, not the crowd! (author's mistake?)

(Unless Barty/40 of the "aurors" were literally crazy).
AWMLB chapter 1 . 4/10/2012
I'll be blunt.

I honestly found Harry's character to be extremely thick in your story. So much so that it's actually rather embarrassing in the beginning... and somewhat off putting.
Dy chapter 17 . 3/21/2012
Odd story. Writing is very strong in the first chapter. It seemed like they actually were in England. Very common-sense. Very well-done. Never replicated over the course of the story.

Plot has great potential. It was initially done very well. Harry's complete confusion was entertaining. There's a bit of black comedy in the trial. It was the best case of innocence by insanity. I even enjoyed Harry's confrontation and disclosure to Dumbledore. It gave Harry the option of returning to the good side. That was necessary. After that, the implementation wasn't done very well at all.

There should have been a draw towards the other side. That's the conflict of an universe where everything's topsy-turvy - what if the other Harry was actually right? It isn't necessary that Harry actually joins Voldemort in the end. The lure of keeping those he cares about probably would have triumphed. However, it shouldn't have been the "good" choice. Likely it would have been that his family was simply more important than the others he would side against. Voldemort's platform wasn't necessarily better or worse than Dumbledores. Harry even might have needed to go against a former equal/rival/friend/lover. There should have been a reason why Harry joined Voldemort's side, in the face of everything he ever wanted. Instead, the conflict of the story was moot. Harry was previously evil Harry.

The story also degenerated into an (physically, but not magically) ultraviolent children's story. In the beginning, we have a Harry who has left Hogwarts. This is 16 year old boy who fights adults and uses adult spells. Are we expected to believe that the other children at Hogwarts, using children's spells, would be effective in that environment? As soon as the story returned to the many adventures of Harry, Ron, and Hermione rather than the adults in the room, the story became unbelievable. Further, the refusal to use the unforgivables was hypocritical. He could kill Voldemort through physical but not magical violence? While I agree that it was initially necessary to establish Harry as the Harry from the old universe (a good person), his refusal to adapt was less moral than it was stupid. Frankly, he should have died. Your universe contained a Dark Knight. The conflict wasn't on the level of "children can still save the day with dodging, stunners, and luck." The white get-up the stuff of fairytales.

Now the thought of using Muggle technology was very good. It always seemed strange that the wizards would have any pride in their dinky, slow little spells against the power of ballistics. However, you used the biggest weapons you could think of, rather than the most obvious. It isn't necessary to bring out the bomb, if a shotgun blasts you in the face before you can said AVADA KED- And besides, next to your excellent description of Muggle England, your lack of knowledge about weaponry is painfully apparent.

There aren't many more issues. The characterizations of Rowling's characters aren't bad. The commentary on the purpose of Snape's pensieve was interesting. I think the only real issue was the addition of Harry's sister. It was a good thought (why wouldn't they have had more children?) but poorly implemented. There wasn't enough personality there to justify the OC. She was flatter than Ginny, and pairing them up didn't help. The name Rose is also over-utilized in stories for a specific character type. (Cue: innocence!) It's better than using really bad Mary-sue names (like Raven) or overly superfluous and flowery ones... but I'm sure you could have gone through the common English girl baby names for something else.

I think the last problem is that the ending should have solved the crises. I know why you wrote this ending - for the possibility of a sequel - but it really should have been self-contained. Harry should have returned to his world. That was the threat. That was the point. It should have been carried through. You should have dealt with the ramifications of losing Harry's family yet again. And also... the joy of knowing them.
Malcolmina chapter 11 . 3/20/2012
I was bothered by the book references in McGonagall's office: War and Peace was written by Tolstoy, not Milton.

Otherwise, the fic is rather fine. A good piece of advise would be "show, don't tell" as you seem to report much of what happens, instead of describing it in a deeper manner. It's a subtle difference but often an important one. Also, you have a tendency to lean towards a superpower!Harry, which is fine as long as you remember to rise the power-levels of his enemies accordingly.

And on a side note: Harry is rather hypocritical to assume Pettigrew is the same in this world as in the one he comes from: after all, Harry himself - and several others - are very much different in the two worlds.
kjate95 chapter 17 . 3/11/2012
Loved this story :D has taken me the past week to read on and off but was well worth the time and effort. brilliantly gripping and incredibly enticing :D you have created a true master piece. Thanks for the epic read!
alfamky chapter 17 . 3/2/2012
Oh my god, This fic deserves a whole book dedicated to reviews, and I'm sure I would've managed it if I reviewed after every chapter. But as fate may have it, my web connection was horrible, and I had to try reconnecting 5,6 times just to log on. This was the umteenth time that I tried to review, and finally the stupid connection got through.

Anyway, I absolutely love your fic. In fact, I see not Harry Potter here, but a whole seperate novel itself. Usually I go through chapters like a whirlwind, but after twenty minutes of reading and still staying on the same page I suddenly realized your one chapter is equivalent to others' five. I must say, your dedication is quite thorough.

One reason I fell in love with your story is because of the, how would you put it, connection? Or, your hints foreshadowing later developments, you have such a knack for inserting details that seem irrelavent at the time, yet they turn out to be so much more significant once we recall them. There were so many twists and turns in the plot, I was sitting on the edge of my chair leaning into the computer with anticipation. I just adore it when a story show sequential connectivity between seemingly minor details.

Also, the theory and the settings were lavishly sufficient, entire history events were explained down to the tiniest occurence, it seems you have found a logical answer for anything and everything, I can't even begin to fathom how much thought you must have put into this fic to have created such a realistic world.

Lastly, the ever lasting inner tumoil of Harry a with his dark knight, it was anguishly impressive. And when I use anguish, I mean it, as nearing the end of the battle Harry had multiple times to end the dark lord but chose not to. It was such a suffering, when everything could’ve been stopped easily, yet because of love, or rather, belief or anything, he couldn’t bring himself to kill. Although he did it in the end, of course, I had hoped he would have been more brisk about the whole thing. After contemplating upon the story afterwards, I realized that it was actually perfect in a sense, Harry’s refusal of killing was just what made him the Harry Potter we know so well, and I would’ve never accepted it if Harry turned into a killing machine so easily.

The realization of his being in another world was difficult for Harry, and it was rather tedious to read for me at first, but this is also another one of the things I came to realize, after finishing this story and moving onto a next AU, I find that Harry’s immediate accommodating too hard to believe.

Of course, with that wicked cliffhanger you left in the epilogue, there was nothing stopping me from yahooing every single site possible related to the stranger in a promised land. And mind you, it was 2 in the morning then. I have found up to the 7the chapter or so, but that was it, it ended with a silver doe patronous.

Oh, the second part was incredible, Katie being the girl-who-lived, and Riddle as the headmaster? Not to mention Grindewald and Dumbeldore…Wow. But I really should review there and not here. So regardless of your seeing this review or not, finally, I poured out a fraction of what I had to say.

Definite fav for me!
megablargh chapter 2 . 2/28/2012
This might be jumping the gun, maybe it gets explained later on but...

If Harry is so sure that Crouch is fake, why would he be okay with Crouch's promise to take him to see Dumbledore?

Why would a fake Crouch take him to see the Real Dumbledore? Harry's thought process is kind of whacked as he's still convinced that every Auror there is a Death Eater disguised, and yet he's confident that they'll take him to the genuine, good Dumbledore, lol.

Also, even if this has been mentioned or no one cares. There are a few spelling mistakes like "losing" and "heel".
Booker10 chapter 14 . 2/11/2012
Have u read 1984?:)) oor brave new world? if not u need to!
Lord Toewart chapter 5 . 2/9/2012
I love this story. You actually make traveling to an Alternate Universe seem realistic. Don't pay any attetion to the idiots who are like: "OMG, Harry's such an idiot for not realizing he traveled to an Alternate Universe by chapter 2. Nobody's THAT stupid!"

Well, here's what I say to them.

"So, you travel through Space a lot, do you? That's interesting. It's not like in reality you would probably think you were insane, and everyone around you was insane. Or maybe not. Maybe you would instantly know, 'Oh, things seem strange. I must have traveled an Alternate Universe. Yup, that makes sense. Okay, now that I've got THAT straightened out...'"

Morons. All of them.

But I really need to comment, the lady in America didn't spill the coffee on herself on purpose. She was driving, and she put the coffee between her legs (we've all done it; don't you scoff), and something happened, I don't remember what exactly, but she tensed her legs and the lid popped off and the coffee spilt. And she was elderly, I'm pretty sure. I'm American, and that commet kinda irked me.

Anyway, are you ever gonna continue A Stranger in the Promised Land? Please do; I love it.

OS:LToTNAMAHoT
evalentine chapter 1 . 2/3/2012
Good afternoon, I am sorry for leaving a message in your reivews. Please could you contact me. I am invesitgating a reposting of your story on fanfiction dot net on behalf of the Stop Plagiarism group on Life Journal. Several individuals have approached us to adivse us of this.

Evalentine
Reader-anonymous-writer chapter 10 . 1/19/2012
~ "Then you also know that no spell nor person of Slytherin blood can enter the circle as long as Gryffindor's sword and blood lie within, don't you!"

Curious.

~ Harry had just woken up, in a strange place, armed to the teeth with no knowledge of how he had come to be there.

Curious.

Why don't they use Veritaserum?

~ Harry couldn't reach them; he had no owl, no fireplace, no nothing.

Patronus message?

~ "The Dark Lord knows he's turned!" panted Snape, cutting of the Headmaster. "Potter is walking into a trap!"

Curious. But, at least, it's one less reason for Voldemort to suspect that Severus Snape is spy for Dumbledore.

~ Serpent's tongue, Lion's roar, Potions Master, Mud-Blood whore Badger's snout, Raven's beak Say goodbye to the green-eyed freak BB

Strange...

Cannot Harry, as snake speaker, use the cobra of Serpentsortia?

Vampires inside Hogwarts?

~ Potter must be a spy for the Dark Lord. Draco smiled as he reached his conclusion.

Hilarious.

~ Potter didn't know it, but he was just as useful today as he ever was.

Curious.

I don't like how you attack Professor Snape. I shall leave here.

Not even Voldemort is insane enough to attack such a small community as magical Britain with such a devastating invention as nuclear weapons.

Good luck, and good bye... It seems I like 'the sequel' better.
rollicking skater chapter 17 . 1/13/2012
This is an Awesome story you have here! I cannot express how much I liked it! You did so fine job both with the plot and language, that it was impossible not to appreciate the hard work you put into it! Thank you very much for this great piece of work!
Kostiechan chapter 4 . 1/10/2012
It was written really, really well - but my heart breaks at every sentence that kind of showed how 'thick' Harry was. No, seriously, he wasn't able to consider an alternate universe? )) You've managed to draw an extreme emotion from me - great job. *laughs*
00Agent7 chapter 17 . 12/17/2011
This is an amazing story... I wish you would continue the sequel. I loved the original plot ideas and how harry responded to Draco's accusations especially. I do wish that there had been more plot development of Ginny though. Great if you are reading this review, and considering reading it, you won't be disappointed.
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