|Reviews for Lost Legacy|
| JustYourAverageRavenclaw chapter 39 . 4/19/2010
Hi, just wanted to tell you that I think these are great, but some of them are completely out of order. Like in this chapter Andie told Sirius she and Ted were having a baby and Peter was still avoiding Remus, but a few chapters ago Peter had made up with Remus and Andie had Dora. Just a few things like that. But I think they're very interesting :)
| Voldemort309 chapter 40 . 12/14/2008
| laughingcat123 chapter 43 . 7/2/2008
Very good, I hope you update soon!
| Laora chapter 13 . 6/15/2008
Okay this may seem like a silly question, but on the chapters that are empty, are they just not there or are they tacked on to the next chapter? I'm a little bit confused...
This is a pretty good story I've just got a few con crits that have been bugging me...
A lot of the beginning of the story is almost exactly the same as Harry's first week or so at Hogwarts, almost to the point of being annoying. I'd suggest changing that up a bit.
To be honest, speaking as a super Remus fan here, I don't think Remus would have sounded like that in the Infirmary when James overheard. He's been a werewolf for years, hasn't he? I just think he wouldn't sound so, for lack of a better word, "babyish."
To me the dialogue seems a bit stilted as well. Maybe that's just me being OCD about flowing dialogue, but some of the stuff that the kids say just don't sound natural for 11 year olds...
Along with that, maybe it's just me but it gets a bit annoying reading dialogue when you write it so it's like, "What 'bout you, Peter? Ya comin'?" I just find it a little annoying when there's syllables or letters cut off of words. JKR never does that, and though I'm not British I don't think I've ever read any British books where it's written like that. It just gets annoying sometimes.
Also I don't think Flitwick would have such a strong reaction to Remus. Dumbledore would have warned the staff to keep it a secret and that's definitely not what he's doing. I just don't think that sounds much like Flitwick at all.
There was something in these last couple chapters that wasn't aligned with canon...and I know you've updated this to align with DH because the train scene is taken verbatim. I'll read through again and see if I can find it. Ooh that's right, James' birthday is in March, it said so on his tombstone. I think it's the 23, but don't quote me on that. You can check DH for the exact date.
Not to sound like a grammar freak, but to be honest I am. There are a lot of different errors that are bugging me a lot...there is a difference between "your" and "you're." Your is possessive: Your dog. You're is a contraction: You're going to the store.
I've made this mistake in the past, but apparently Frank was NOT in the Marauders' year at Hogwarts. I don't remember the exact source but I know I read it from a reputable one, like JKR's website or an interview or something. I mean, if you really think about it, you'd think Frank would have been made the prefect instead of one of the Marauders; if McGonagall had been given the chance, you think she'd make someone who wasn't infamous for pulling pranks a prefect, right? Just a thought.
Peter bashing is annoying. PETER WAS NOT STUPID. I've got an essay at the end of my profile about it. I really think you should read it.
Don't take this review as a flame, really. I do like this story a lot :) I've just typed up a few things to think about in the future, as I noticed you're not done yet.
If you could clear up my chapter confusion I would really appreciate it :) I'm unsure whether it'll make sense if I just go to the next chapter with text and read those...
Thanks a lot!
| sexkitten chapter 8 . 6/12/2008
Okay so no offense, but, your idea was good... the way you write, as in your style of writing... to put it mildly, it sucks. Also your accuracy is WAY off. remember, this isn't harry potter and his friends, its JAMES, there is a difference. just because Neville is "good at herbology" doesn't mean peter is. Plus Sirius and James are supposed to be really smart, as in top of their class. As is Remus. And... well theres a lot more but I'll stop after this. James doest like lily till 5th year, they HATE each other till then... its MUTUAL. ok? give this idea to a better writer and let them do it.
| Copper Kestrel chapter 32 . 5/20/2008
Great story, I really like - especially your characterisations. I do think, though, that some of the chapters seem a bit out of order? You hear about things happening, then two chapters later they happen... It's really quite confusing...
But the story itself is great!
| Nenifer121 chapter 42 . 4/25/2008
do you know that half your chapters aren't in the right order? the wedding happens and then you read about sirius being told about Andie getting married. it makes no sence, which is a petty seeing a its a good story.
| Nenifer121 chapter 8 . 4/24/2008
please please please, will you put up this chapter? I really want to read the story in order... Its a bit hard when there are chpaters missing!
| Leo22 chapter 14 . 3/23/2008
please rewrite the chapters soon i cant wait any longer please iv been waiting ages please * *
| AlwaysMarauder chapter 18 . 3/9/2008
| Sirius Black's Gal chapter 41 . 2/1/2008
Awesome story! Please,Please,Please,Please,Please,Please,Please,Please,Please,
| pinklettuceleaf chapter 41 . 1/20/2008
Aw are you rewriting them then? But they are already so good!
| LILYandJAMESareCUTE chapter 1 . 1/13/2008
OH MY GOODNESS! THAT INTRO IS BLOODY FANTASTIC! Gah! So sweet! :D
| Riku-Rocks chapter 6 . 1/5/2008
This was a nice and lighthearted chapter. I liked the subtle introduction of the Shrieking Shack.
| smiley1014 chapter 5 . 11/26/2007
Hey. Awesome story. UPDATE PLEASE!