Reviews for My Saviour
Ocean chapter 2 . 1/2
Its an excellent premise for a Snape/OC fanfic but i am sorry to say that I couldn't even get past chapter 2. Kiara is not mary-sue so much as an intolerant b**ch. For someone who has been brought up that way and has been beaten and crucioed almost every week of her life, firstly, she wouldn't have survived (remember Frank and Alice Longbottom went crazy due to prolonged crucios) and secondly, there is no way she would react in such a flippant manner.

E.g. For her to say that she doesn't want to talk to Snape because he's being nosy is absolutely ridiculous.

And I agree with the other poster about Jane Austen style dialogues. They don't fit at all with this story. Its a good premise, but you need to work on your writing a lot! Good luck.
Gabbi chapter 2 . 7/20/2012
That was so sweet .
Lierin chapter 4 . 10/30/2007
I have a feeling you won't continue this story but I will review anyway. Just so you have future reference for a new story.

You lost my interest in chapter three and losing a readers interest is... well for a writer it's bad.

It's not because I think you're character is Mary-Sue'ish because I hate writers who try too much to avoid a Mary-Sue persona and create a person that's too complicated or too hard to like.

You lost my interest because of the writing itself. Too many grammar mistakes and typo's, noticable even for a foreigner (Dutch) like me.

But above all, the forced way in which they talk (dialogue doesn't flow naturally or realistically) the way Kiara reacts (after what she's been through she really reacts in an off- beat way that's bound to annoy a reader ... at certainly annoys me).

Which is really too bad because all in all, I think it's a nice premises and it really could be a good story if the writing had been handled with a little more care.

Try to really envision the two people you write about. Place yourself in Kiara's shoes and try to imagine how you would react and what you would say. This 'forced' politeness and Regency/Jane Austen talk is really irritating. Just have them converse in a natural way. That alone would be a vast improvement to the story.
Ashley Nicole chapter 38 . 7/30/2007
Wow. I absolutely love this story. It is so intriging. I love how you have Kiara set on becoming the next Bellatrix Lestrange. I love Bella even though she killed Sirius *tear*. So anyway I really hope you update soon. I believe that you have come too far along in this story to stop now. Thank you so much for writing this story. Its one of the best I've read on here so far about an OC character.

Update soon please!

Ashley

P.S. If you need some ideas to help move the writing process along, I have a few in mind. Please feel free to email me.
Tmctflyboy chapter 38 . 3/6/2007
dang i wonder what she is going to do once she gets back to school. i really hope she gets back with harry, but thats just my opinion. hope you update the story.
Kriss chapter 38 . 12/5/2006
Hiya Cornelia, remember me? Yup, just got ungrounded after an entire year without internet (no joke) and i come back to good old Cornelia's stories, but what do i find? She isn't updating! C'mon Cornelia, I’ve waited a year for fanfic and now my favorite author isn’t updating! Please don’t tell me ur gonna abandon it ‘cause that’s not fair! I like this story and I know I speak for all your fans when I say we wanna read the ending! PLEASE?

Dying for an update,

Kriss
Cillyme chapter 38 . 9/18/2006
You absolutely must hurry with this story! I'm dancing on the edge of my seat to see what happens make sure to give it a happy ending, if only just for me! Great plot by the way too. I love it's many twists and turns. Keep it up!
Tmctflyboy chapter 33 . 7/27/2006
well that was sad that harry broke up with her. wonder how he will take the news that shes engaged. update soon
x.Draco.Lover.x chapter 1 . 7/19/2006
u need practice man show a lil bit of effort man!
Snarky B chapter 2 . 7/16/2006
Can you please put a 'Mary Sue' warning in your story summary?
Ann-Droid chapter 5 . 5/13/2006
His daughter! Otherwise, explain the birthmark
briana chapter 29 . 5/5/2006
i LOVE this whole story! keep up the great work!
PadfootLotte chapter 31 . 5/5/2006
I liked your chapter. The turn, breaking up with Harry and the "upcoming marriage with Blaise", was quite unexpected. And then Blaise with that Hufflepuff girl, what a huge dilemma. Wouldn't like to be in their shoes.

Can't wait till next chap.

PadfootLotte
briana chapter 7 . 5/2/2006
love it! you've gotten me addicted! keep up the great work!
krista chapter 30 . 3/31/2006
ah...where's the rest? i just read it all to be left hangin? please finish on here or send me the rest! i love this story so much!
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