|Reviews for A New Light|
| Jesternz chapter 61 . 11/18/2015
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Lets give the author credit where credit is due. This is an epic tale. 61 chapters and over 200k words. As someone who has put forth a bit of writing myself, I can tell you that dropping that kind of effort is HARD.
Also, this is a good concept for a story. I really enjoy the idea of Keitaro ending up as a father. By and large that seems to be something that the canon character seems to be lacking a good bit.
The Love Hina characters are also pretty well within the wheelhouse of what their canon selves would do, and I do love that.
I have to wonder if the author did any research prior to writing this story. Given that a lot of the flaws that I see could easily be avoided by looking just a little bit online.
*Gun crime/violent crime in Japan: Japan has one of the most stringent sets of gun control laws around. Anyone who does have a gun (like Sarah apparently does) would have a government permit that requires an immense amount of work and background checks. Even the Yakuza doesn't have firearms on par with what is shown in this story.
*This may be a pet peeve of mine, but the author apparently has absolutely no idea about Okinawa at all. Given that he shifts the story there a couple of times, it is really REALLY annoying. As a point of reference, I lived on Okinawa while the author was writing this tale (and during the timeframe that the story takes place). Okinawa is a tropical island that has a large tourist industry. Basically, it's Hawaii with Kanji. Fireplaces are totally unnecessary as you have about 2 weeks of jacket weather. October in Okinawa is still shorts weather. You are more likely to need air conditioner units in your rooms than a fireplace. Also, it's not a 'dinky little island'. While Okinawa has the lowest income of any Japanese prefecture, it's not poor. If Mutsumi and her mother are the 'richest people on the island' they are going to be living in a quite nice mansion. Naha, the capital of Okinawa, has somewhere around 875k people. The island itself is fairly urbanized. Plus, there are a goodly number of Americans on Okinawa. If you are going to write about a location, do some research about it. Especially if you are going to be writing about an area where you have a very good chance of having had a reader live.
The author also overuses the word "Petite". Either find another word, or accept that a 10 year old is going to be small... but not small for his or her size. Poor use of the English language.
The Negima crossovers (even though the author swears they aren't!) are rather unnecessary. And, as a word of advice, if you are going to be using character names from another story WHICH IS IN THE SAME UNIVERSE as the one you are writing, just admit they are crossover characters. It is easier to explain time dialation than "I may have the same name, but I'm a totally original character...even though I look and act almost identical to the source character. See! I have an iPod!".
Lastly, I am going to jump on the bandwagon. Asuna and Sakura are Mary Sues. All they need to ascend to the divine Mary Sue ranks is to be Princesses or have 12 more names.
Overall: If you can get past the rather glaring flaws, this is a good story. Especially if you find yourself with a lot of time to kill and a bit more patience than I found myself with at times.
| SHIPWRECK-5897 chapter 5 . 8/8/2015
How the hell is Keitaro perverted!? If anything it's the girls!
| SHIPWRECK-5897 chapter 1 . 8/8/2015
Good set up. Thumbs up!
| SoaringEagle13 chapter 8 . 7/9/2014
I just found out that the author is dead. Even though I just found this fic, I have to give my respect to Michael. May you rest in peace.
| SoaringEagle13 chapter 4 . 7/8/2014
Interesting fic, but I do keep on finding grammatical errors. I suggest that you fix them. I'm sorry for being a grammar-Nazi.
| tealc176 chapter 10 . 8/9/2012
ok i saw the name Makie Sasaki it's a crossover
| tealc176 chapter 6 . 8/9/2012
NEGI ARE YOU KIDDING WHAT IS THIS A NEGIMA/LOVE HINA CROSSOVER
| tealc176 chapter 2 . 8/9/2012
that can't be the same asuna from negima can it!
| MangaObsession chapter 61 . 8/8/2012
Please come back!
| Littica Marek chapter 4 . 7/29/2012
Yeah.. a 10 year old stopping a Ki attack from Motoko... equals me reading no more of this fanfic.
I like a bit more realism in what I read, thanks anyway.
| chronodekar chapter 1 . 11/16/2011
Read the first few chapters. Interesting idea, to have Keitaro adopt 2 little girls. However, those 2 kids are too overpowered. Regardless of age, I find it too unlikely that they would just ... well, be left alone like that. Then again, we've seen odder things in anime.
Ignoring that then, your writing style needs improvement. I stopped reading because of it.
| Gotta Buy 'Em All chapter 1 . 5/2/2011
Damn, I've been looking for this story for awhile now. I just couldn't get it out of my head. Those two twins have to be some of the biggest Mary Sues in fan-fiction history. Seriously, Sakura and Asuna are perfect at everything they attempt. Also, there seems to be some kind of repressed pedophilia on the author's part (Keitaro and the twins bathing together, seeing the 10 year old naked, etc.). Not that your writing itself is bad, but the two OCs completely took over the cannon for Love Hina (as well as Negima) and ripped the limelight away from all the other characters. Well, that being said, your writing style is good, but the sueishness of the twins (as well as Keitaro) killed what could of been a good story.
| A raging Ghost chapter 18 . 4/19/2011
I read up to this point and honestly... I don't really know why i kept reading. Not saying the story is horrible, it's just Asuna and Sakura are major mary sue's. problems rise and are taken care of in little to no time. so conflict really means nothing. It's a crossover now. There are just so many things wrong with this fic i Honestly have no idea how I got this far reading it. I'll attribute it to boredom, but after reading that last part. A naked ten year old being looked at by a 21 year old even if it is there adopted father somehow, is never alright. That was the last straw, then Naru backing down after being told that. Asuna is 10, this isn't crack so it just wouldn't happen. Eeh... thats all i got. definitely no where near the worst thing i've read on here, but in a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best) I'd rate this about a 3.
| TakeshiKovacs987 chapter 3 . 11/10/2007
An excellent story that will sadly not be finished. My condolences to the father of a talented writer.
| Totoro-Likes-Cakes chapter 7 . 11/2/2007
Motoko / Keitaro