|Reviews for Daughter of a legend|
| Jax Malcolm chapter 2 . 9/7/2004
You know, you should have a lot more to your story than just dialogue. For example, add in a little description. I have no idea what any of your characters look like, and it's your job as the storyteller to provide details like that.
Put it this way: You're an artist with a blank canvas. You may have this image in your mind of this awesome painting you want to put on your canvas. However, the rest of us will only walk by and see a blank canvas. So, it's up to YOU to show us the sort of image in your head, and you can't do this by just painting stick figures and figuring it'd pass. You have to provide as much color, depth, and detail as possible to get us to see the sort of thing you see in your head.
As for the rest of the story (aside from the fact that you're letting dialogue dominate your story), you have a few mistakes concerning commas, and you should improve on word variety.
The storyline is okay, but it seems too much like Ash's beginning. I'd hate to say this, but I've seen a few better new trainer fics out there. Try reading Rebirth ( /rebirth ) to get a good idea of a new trainer fic that was pulled off incredibly well.
Lastly, don't think of this as a flame. It isn't, actually. It's constructive criticism, not an attempt to insult you.
| Sora Master of the Keybl chapter 3 . 8/30/2004
| Spiraea Kozak chapter 2 . 8/2/2004
i was half hoping she'd get pichu... hehe... if she can work a pichu into a winner... she must be good..