Reviews for Ryouga's First Kiss
Hat O' Doom chapter 1 . 5/16/2009
Very nice story!
Ganheim chapter 1 . 4/5/2009
he had to find the Tendo's.

[I think that would be: Tendos’]

She about him.

[She _what_ about him? Thought?]

what do you think your doing?

[you’re]

He'd pay later right now

[Missing comma after ‘later’]

The rest of the plan he didn't have to worry about.

[This implies that Kuonji somehow knew where Akane was going and what she was doing.]

so you can change back."

[She’s asking a question (even if it’s leading), where’s the question mark?]

Akane would be expecting him back soon, but that okonomiyaki looked pretty good.

[Ranma’s a Saotome and they don’t generally turn down free food, but Akane always occupies too much of his thoughts (fears?) for him to just leave her when she might be getting madder at him]

They're across the street talking and acting rather friendly."

[Why would Mousse warn her about this? He’s always scheming behind her back to arrange something like this]

looked down at the gaijin man in rather dirty looking clothes. He knew he was obviously an alcoholic because he reeked of alcohol in a long term kind of way.

[Actually, alchoholism is an even more significant problem in Eurasia than many western countries]

"Violent girl! DIE!"

[Uh…while Shampoo might be able to easily defeat Akane, she knows Ranma wouldn’t be impressed by that.]

I beat violent girl and date Ranma anyway."

[Shampoo’s impulsive, but she doesn’t tend to repeat the exact same mistake again and again]

hoping her Great-Grandmother was alright.

[What hope? Shampoo’d be panicking because she knows Cologne would punish her for such destructive antics]

Kasumi had just finished hanging out the clothes and saw them.

[Inconsistency: the clothes are hung out back, not at the front]

extended his index finger and thrust it at the hood of the car just as it neared him.

[BS. Ryouga isn’t Toph, his move works against stone, not metal]

You are welcome in this house anytime!"

[He’s helped Akane before, Ryouga is only welcome so long as he isn’t viewed as an obstacle to the arranged marriage]

smile very lightly and shyly.

[Same thing]

man.", Ryouga said

[Extraneous comma]

and went around Ukyou walking off

[Missing comma after ‘Ukyo’]

That was anti-climactic. I’ve got nothing against Ryouga (quite the opposite, he’s one of my more favoured characters), but the story never seems to satisfactorily go anywhere. It’s like the half prior to the car accident was the intended story that got lost and the car accident was ‘oops, I the author want to force this to happen’.
Calise chapter 1 . 9/1/2007
that was so cute!
Calvusfelix chapter 1 . 2/26/2007
Good plot. Nice flow. Should have been an episode of the anime.
Kyo12591 chapter 1 . 11/27/2006
aw...so cute! names kyo amori 16 17 soon male and loved it i9t was serously cute..I like this couple but alot of people don't strangely
CrescentSunshine chapter 1 . 11/17/2006
Good story! I love to see Shampoo in defeat (Innocent smile). The occasional Akane/Ryouga does the trick!9.8/10
OKFan chapter 1 . 8/9/2006
Simply too cute. _ I loved it.
Anonymous Chibi chapter 1 . 6/7/2006
-GiggleFangirlSqueal- I feel like screaming in that high pitched voice that Shampoo yells whenever she see Ranma; your story is just that cute!

I really enjoyed reading this story, there are not enough RyougaAkane supporters And even less that are willing to write fanfiction on it. Thank you muchly for writing this fanfic!

As for critique... Well, this was written some odd two years ago right? So I'm sure your writing's improved... But nonetheless, the only thing that really bothered me was your really long sentences. They aren't necessary "run-ons," but they do go on for a while x.x; Which makes it hard to read.

But your ending was perfect! I luffed that most of all. Endings I think are hard to do because they should be colossal and leave the reader with a lasting impression. You managed both! Very nice job w
Erentei Lord of Insanity chapter 1 . 6/9/2005
Finally...a RyAk fic. These are rarer than diamonds in a clam.
leeyiankun chapter 1 . 3/3/2005
Well, unless you accounted for that NO plan in Ranma1/2 has ever succeeded. This is a good story.

It has passion, drama, plot.

and Ryouga x Akane!

You're definately a Ryouga fanboy, aren't you?

So where are you going to put Akari then?

-

"I must have them both!"

-Tatewaki Kuno,Age 17, Undefeated, The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!
SuperChicken chapter 1 . 2/15/2005
. I DO NOT support RxA. I hoped it'd be RYOGA KISSING UKYO!but...
AzuraVerda chapter 1 . 8/22/2004
Really long, but really great! Best Ranma 1/2 fict I can honestly say I've ever read. n.n
Quiggibub chapter 1 . 8/6/2004
Very good story!
a chapter 1 . 8/5/2004
hey i remeber reading this and it still a really good fic. it's good to see you start to write again. i do hope you decide to do doll story, that was just plain funny.
agent smith chapter 1 . 8/3/2004
I like it!
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