|Reviews for The Other Me|
| Quis Custodiet chapter 10 . 9/27
I haven't been enjoying this story very much since the first couple of chapters. I stuck with it so long because it looked like you put a lot of work into it, but sadly I just can't get into it. There are a few major problems:
- The plot is non-existent. Like really, I have no idea what is going on other than Keitaro is some sort of monster or has a split personality. His motives are completely inscrutable and as a character he's neither sympathetic or interesting because he's just so weird.
- Plenty of characters get introduced who don't matter. Too many names, too many useless scenes that don't actually build towards anything. Just a lot of wasted words sadly. I guess you had fun writing them, but it's more like you wrote down whatever idea you had in your head without any sense of crafting a narrative.
- Your knowledge of Japan is really bad - There are several anachronisms in this story that are obviously there because of your lack of knowledge. I think sometimes if you don't know something about Japan and can't find out, then maybe it's better to avoid describing something rather than break the immersion of your story.
There is more than just this, technical issues with grammar and sentence structure too, but they are probably not as important as the fact that you can't develop a coherent plot. Your story, quite frankly, is a huge mess - which is sad because you wrote so damn much of it.
I really don't know what to say, I want to try and find something nice or encouraging to put down, but I'm at a loss.
| Quis Custodiet chapter 1 . 9/27
This was a pretty interesting start to this story, but yeah... I don't think actual Yakuza would bother trying to mug someone on the street. These guy's are into organized crime, it'd be below their reputation to commit crimes this small.
| CosmicBeing chapter 2 . 11/21/2014
I can't even follow what the fuck's going on. Start making your stories straight dumbass.
| NaruHarem4ever chapter 12 . 1/30/2014
excellent! can't wait to see what happens next
| Ame no Hitotsu no Kami chapter 8 . 2/26/2013
Pulling out a Zapdos, freaking hilarious - but way over-done. xD
Nice work though.
| Lonewolf2123 chapter 1 . 1/18/2011
| fanofmany chapter 12 . 8/23/2010
damn that Ren is awesome for second I thought she was a alternate universe version of Ren from (the strongest disciple Kenichi) or something.
| Samhan chapter 1 . 7/29/2010
I like it
| Raziel2738 chapter 12 . 2/17/2010
i was just wondering if u were going to update the final chapter of the love hina series of The Other Me or not. i mean its almost been like 2 years since u updated are u going to update soon or whatever? it would be nice to know what is going to happen to keitaro and Yuri and what sakura is going to do to them. as well as the Hinata girls and whats going to be their fate. please update soon the suspense is both highly annoying and making me go crazy.
thanks and i hope u update soon.
| niot-really-there chapter 4 . 12/31/2009
um ok then ending of this chapter was unrelated but its alright still good im not a real fan of characters that arent really real characters but jnice work never the less.
| J. Finch chapter 4 . 12/1/2009
Honestly, this is turning out to be one of the most confusing pieces of literature I've read in a long time. You have scene after scene with no transition, or barely any transition, that don't really tie in together in the least. It started out somewhat sane, with a good idea for the plot and some interesting basis for what was going on, but by chapter two I was wondering what the hell was going on, and by chapter four I was getting a headache because of it.
You have snippets of scenes here and there, but again, with the lack of transition they all look very out of place, and you gave no real explanation why Keitaro here suddenly turned into Geese Howard on steroids.
You need more context for your story, with more background and better progression. Right now it's so awkward that even if I were to read on, I'd be completely lost because the beginning was so splotchy.
Beyond that, your characterization of Keitaro was way off kilter. Very little of his attitude had any rhyme or reason to it, and several of his personality quirks are absent. He's coming off as just an overpowered OC at this point, flaunting the guise of a canon character, one who's very two-dimensional and for lack of better word- stupid. Even if your intention was to cause drama with a sudden and inexplicable personality change, you're lacking the nessesary psychology behind it makes it untenable at the least, and downright rediculous when you start trying to dig deeper.
Then you have all of these random character inserts that run the flow of the story. Altogether not a bad use of tools, really, but the scenes were so short and illogical that they stretch being cameos, if that. Especially that Yuri character. He comes off as a clear Gary Stu, with no hint of real backstory and a contradictory personality that has no emotional context to it. He shows up and instantly forces his way into your main character's life, bereft of a logical reason for doing so, and why? There's no real basis for him doing so, and there's no way to explain the act of Keitaro letting him.
Altogether, good idea, decent writing, but horrible execution. This thing is on par with a Sci-Fi channel made-for-tv movie.
| MaceEcam chapter 12 . 11/3/2009
Please, PLEASE finish this story.
| Taium the Fire Paladin chapter 12 . 5/29/2009
This story disturbs me on so many levels, yet all I can do is hope that it finishes. I wasn't going to, but the final chapter preview made me put this on my watch, just for the chance that Keitaro was demon possessed and has a chance at redemption. Not a big fan of the high amount of blood and gore, or in depth parts about the cars, but I see why you added them, this being a dark fic and you entering in your own interests. I hope this story gets the ending it deserves, and while I am holding out hope for a happy ending, a sad one won't stop me from reading. Good job, and update soon!
| Apocia chapter 1 . 3/29/2009
I've followed this story since it's first post on this site and can honestly say that it is one of the two Love Hina fictions that I still keep up to date on. You are a wonderful writer and can't wait to see how this story ends. Keep it up and good look with your studies.
| Rioshin chapter 2 . 3/23/2009
you have just been FLAAMEED! lol! yeah, you're right! couldn't resist!