|Reviews for Broken Lullaby|
| AnimeHannah chapter 29 . 12/5/2012
I hope you start doing more soon, its a really really really good story
| Inuyashiisawesome chapter 5 . 12/4/2012
please update this story is awesome and really well written. dude you have talent
| PhantomBrat chapter 29 . 4/28/2012
I do hope that you find the inspiration to continue on this fic...I want to find out what happens to Yugi...
| Sairey13 chapter 29 . 11/12/2011
Aww, I hope the next chapter comes up soon! I want to see if Yami gets to adopt Yugi!
| Fangirl4ver chapter 29 . 9/24/2011
Again...what happen? No fair no fair you can't stop now! Come on and update, I love this story:) Its amazingly well written. Can you please update:) o and I love joeys voice, I want to talk like that:) -forever keep writing
| andysanime chapter 29 . 8/14/2011
Really good job on this story so far!
| Mew Universe chapter 29 . 4/13/2011
Your story definitely has great potential. I love how Yami and Yugi have a father/son relationship instead of a yaoi one like most fanfics have. Yami truly is a good father-figure for Yugi, no matter what Yugi's age. What little Yugi here has had to go through truly is horrifying, and you capture the emotion of that well. I hope for more good times in future chapters for Yugi. Also, Keith becoming a good guy is a plus, and I love the way little Serenity and little Yugi became friends.
However, I also have some critiquing for you.
Part of it just relates to formatting and spelling. You commonly mix up words like 'soar' for 'sore' and 'too' for 'to'. It helps to have someone else, like a beta reader, read your chapters before you post them to avoid such common errors. Also, use the HTML line, the ones 's document editor will allow you to insert, before you write out author comments. That will help in understanding where the chapter ends and where your author comments begin. Also, not every paragraph that has dialog needs to have the dialog start the paragraph. You start a new paragraph whenever a new person begins speaking OR doing something, not just when speaking. Sometimes I've gotten confused over who is talking when.
Another part of it relates to the story itself. One part that really bothered me was Tea's role in the story. I don't care whether you hate her or not, you still need to portray her accurately. I honestly doubt she would have kept Yugi near the dogs if he was screaming to get out. Or, even if she did, she would have apologized and been more concerned for him than what Alas did to her face. Tea truly cares about people, hence the infamous friendship speeches, and she wouldn't have acted like such a jerk towards the other characters. (If all else, re-watching some of the YGO episodes or looking up the YGO wiki will help you keep her, and the others, IC. You do fine with keeping the others IC, though)
Also, it's hard to tell when what events happen in the story. You need to better distinguish whether they're days, weeks, or months apart. Place description is a bit lacking, too, although not too much. I'm also having a hard time visualizing the OC Alas. Could you perhaps describe her physically? I'm also thinking that she and Yami are more than friends...
I hope you aren't mad at me, but I just see a great story that could use work to make it better :) I do hope you'll put up the next chapter soon.
| hollowgirl15 chapter 29 . 3/2/2011
I love this story! It's amazing! Yugi is SOOOO kawaii! I just love it! Please please PLEASE update soon! _ onegaishimasu!
| lilyflower666 chapter 29 . 1/1/2011
You really know how to get emotion out of a girl. I cried during some of the chapters. Can't wait to find out what happens next. Midnight
| super.happy.fun.time chapter 29 . 12/15/2010
This is really good i hope you'll write more..-
| YankeeSamson chapter 29 . 7/6/2010
You've got me hooked!
| kurokitsune666 chapter 29 . 11/1/2009
Its a great story update soon!
| Leo112 chapter 29 . 6/5/2009
hey good story so far up date soon ya here!
AND I MEEN SOON!
| surfergirl19 chapter 3 . 12/29/2008
Ture,so very food for hospital food at oakland children's hospital in oakland, 've got a big menu and plus their food is ,cute chapter.:)
| surfergirl19 chapter 2 . 12/29/2008
Good chapter.I hope yami adopts yugi.:)