|Reviews for The Same Shade of Yellow|
| Lilac Rose6 chapter 11 . 1/25/2011
Thank you. Thank you for writing something so truley beautiful. No words an be given to make it any better than it already is, because it's as perfect as perfect can get. I treasure this story and will be back to read it again and again. Thank you for writing this, I said it already, but the words need to be repeated. Your story is truley inspiring, unique, and amazing. I'm glad Momo finally got to meet Momijii as a brother. I'm glad that his mother finally excepted him. I thank you.
| SnowWhite0716 chapter 10 . 9/5/2009
i absolutley loved this story. amazing job!
| Ruthie Rios chapter 2 . 6/17/2009
WHAT! Kyou and Tohru has kids? but- well,it'sjust fanfiction anyway so it's ok i like momiji here he's so cheery and cute... though I don't see him while reading it but I can imagine him in my mind.
I would prefer a guy like that when choosing bf in the future...
| Ruthie Rios chapter 1 . 6/17/2009
It's cute,it made me smile while reading your story. I really hope I can write stories one of this days. I like it...
| Lilly-Anne chapter 11 . 5/20/2009
What did you do to Shigure? But I love this. Mr. Bum indeed.. First fan fic with Momo in it I think.
| MysticSorceror chapter 11 . 2/18/2008
You have slightly awkward phrasing and there are some grammar issues. I like how her thoughts don't last long, it's quite funny. It's actually a surprise how Momo wasn't in her own little world and actually interacted with others but I'm glad I get to see what happened to the Sohma characters. So they're still turning into animals, I don't get it. Wow Aya cut his hair 0.0 that's kinda sad. Lol Tohaku is still a rebel, there's something about him that I love but I'm not sure what it is. Poor Ritsu, you have nice characterization. Why did Haru and Rin adopt?
I'm kind of annoyed at how centrally she's been included, sorry it's just a personal thing that I have. Once more, balance the dialogue with description and nonverbal communication. Aww I love the idea with the violins. Wow, that was said a lot but I'm glad that Momiji is back with his family. I like the description of the violin scene, it's pretty well written. Aww it's adorable that she's crying _. T_T the part with Akito is saddening.
What the hell is she toasting to Sailor Moon for? Aww Poor girl. I want to toast to Harry Potter! I actually like seeing her not with Ronnie but I hate that she suddenly became a central character in the play. I love Momiji's emotions. Wow, Momiji made that story up? I would totally kill him if that was me. Aww Poor Aya.
Mr. Bum? I have the feeling that this might be Shigure but that would be very weird and my mind is on crack. I like the line: How'd you become a woman. 0.o this is kinda...odd. I love how his concern turns to Ayame and Hatori, that's so cute. Pervert? Well yeah, kinda. I'd love to see this play out it's such a great idea! You HAVE to continue it! Lol, I love Aya's dialogue, there is an abundance of emotion in this scene. I love it.
Aww, this is really heart-wrenching, and just creative as well, I want to hug them all. Poor 'Gure *glomps him* the parts with Hatori and Ayame are so saddening. Poor Shigure, that last part made me cry.
| MysticSorceror chapter 10 . 2/18/2008
Yay I'm glad Ronnie came back o, I like this dialogue, I think I'm become used to this much balance 0.0
| MysticSorceror chapter 9 . 2/17/2008
The Same Shade of Yellow
I actually, and this is rare of me, like the lack of dialogue at the beginning of this chapter, it works well here since it's a phone conversation. That's so random, can you come with me to the hospital? Poor Akito. That's a nice way to comfort.
Perhaps create a stronger transition to the second scene and describe the hospital, once again you seem to add too much in a small amount of space. Aya-chan has the cutest outfits o. It's so confusing to have both Aya and Ayame in the same room, Mine must get headaches. Space things out and slow the rate. Seduce? *glomps Haru* Finally he appears! I'm not sure he'd call out Rabbit unless he's Black Haru but then I have to be perfect on Haru's characterization.
Lol, I liked Hiro's comment about the rabbit. Poor Akito, I'm still confused to why Yuki's always around him. Poor Kyo, I feel so sad for him, I actually really want to hug him, I'm glad Kazuma's there. I like your characterizations. Lol, I love the way that Uo's so comfortable about the transformations. Wow Kyo is really rash in his movements. Aww Akito's trick was awesome, I'm glad the family of five is back together.
Poor Akito. Aww, you talking about Shigure makes me want to know how he died, so sad. Yay Daisuke's back, now that's cute. It could have a stronger end but it was a very sweet, emotional chapter.
| MysticSorceror chapter 8 . 2/17/2008
The Same Shade of Yellow
You need a stronger transition from the last chapter to this one, the open isn't as strong here as it was before. Why is Yuki always around Akito 0.o? Nice ideas but hmm, it doesn't quite flow and I'm not sure how to give the best advice. Some of these sentences seem to run-on and others are cut off at the wrong point. You need to edit it by reading it aloud. I like the speech about how it would be a strange world, it's true, you need a lot of different people in the world.
Still some run on lines but I do like the metaphors Akito used. I don't think that Momo would feel this close to Akito, although they have met a few times before, he should still be dominating her and not on the friendly judging level yet.
Aww the scene with Ronnie is pretty cute _. Poor Momo got turned down but I kind of agree, you need to get to know someone fully before you tell them something like that. Aww this chapter is so sad, relationship-wise. Work on stronger emotion, use nonverbal and a change in atmosphere to help portray these feelings. I like how you connect the part with Daisuke and Kagura to the Kagura-Kyo part in the manga.
| MysticSorceror chapter 7 . 2/17/2008
Some awkward phrasing but overall nice opening. Poor Kagura T_T she burnt it again. I think you move too quickly, the dialogue needs to build up some more before the events happen, alongside description and nonverbals I mean. Momiji threw at Momo?
| MysticSorceror chapter 6 . 2/17/2008
Good open but it could use more description. Perhaps describe Mama's actions, what had she been doing? What's her tone of voice? What is she wearing? etc. Work on the nonverbal communication. Try and get some more emotion into Papa's voice, it seems he would be somewhat angrier to hear about this secret being told.
The scene appears to be dominated by the dialogue, work on the other elements to balance it out. I'm surprised that this isn't already sending sparks into Mama's head, I had the feeling that there would be triggers after Hatori's "work". Wow, that was some outburst, I can't believe she told her and there's no reaction.
Good transition. I like how Kagura's acting XD. Aww Poor Momiji.
| MysticSorceror chapter 5 . 2/17/2008
Some of the phrases are slightly awkward, poor Momo. You're missing some commas in the second paragraph. Lol, I love the fact that Momiji called almost every day. Great characterizations, Momiji is near perfect. Lol, I like the comment Momo has about the playground.
Perhaps include what kind of food they were eating, still some awkward phrasing. Poor Hiro, Nice metaphors about the cage. I like how you have Momiji describe the story, it actually made me want to cry. Perhaps shorten that paragraph about how it started. Try to limit the repetition. I love the emotion and overall tone, it's quite saddening. Yay bunnies o
Maybe add some description or nonverbal communication around the line "You're beautiful Momo," since it doesn't quite fit. Aww poor Momo, I'm glad that Momiji was able to comfort her. What? The curse isn't broken 0.0 shouldn't Momiji be a little freaked out, I mean he just said in this chapter that the curse had been broken. I love Momo's acceptance but i'm not exactly sure how this happened. The scene is cute but I think it needs to be explained some, why did the curse come back and how? Poor Shigure. Wait how did Kyo and Tohru have kids, more that that how did Aya have kids as well. This doesn't make much sense.
Yay, Aya's there. Aya doesn't have blonde hair, 0.0 it's nothing like blonde, it's either white, silver or ivory...but not blonde. Add more description and nonverbal communication. He named his daughter after himself, and I'm actually scared of what her wardrobe might look like. Wow Aya can ramble on about anything can't he? Poor Momo must be so confused, I think you pumped in too much in this chapter.
Some grammar issues, I can't believe they told her...it seems on purpose but then I don't see why they would straight-out tell her. I'm not quite buying how she learns these secrets, it doesn't seem right...or too conversational, no drama, strange.
| MysticSorceror chapter 4 . 2/16/2008
Great open, I like the interaction but perhaps provide some nonverbal with her mother about what she was doing when Momo entered, etc. I like the reaction to Akito but I think that Momiji's mother would remember him since she calls him by name in Book 20. I'm surprised that Momiji's father isn't more stiff about him coming to visit. I love Momiji's excitement, so cute. That's so ironic that mama said Momiji used to make her smile. So cute.
| MysticSorceror chapter 3 . 2/16/2008
I like the description of Kia, I can sort of picture her, perhaps describe some small aspects of her personality, I mean focus more on the nonverbal when first introducing her dialogue. Yay Momiji can light up everyone! Poor Daisuke, he seems scared of commitment. I like the description of the house. Blond people _. Wow, that's some weird language to the cat but I love your characterizations, they're near perfect. *friendly envy*. Nice interactions between Tohru and Momiji.
Some of the language is slightly too formal, like "I am making so much food," instead of "I always make too much..." or "I'm making so much". ;; sorry I have something against formality in friendly conversation. Aww, Tohaku is adorable *glomps him*. They have cats everywhere don't they and I adore Shihan.
That's a nice way that Tohru covered it up, I want to see if the secret gets told. Aww Tohru taught them that game, such an adorable idea. XD KAWAII! They're arguing about who's the cat! Lizard Cat? 0.o Aww! This is such an...interesting game... I don't know why but I feel the chapter might just have too much in it all at once, the ideas could be separated further. Poor Shihan T_T he's "out of shape". Poor Kyo-kun, even though he's not one of my favorite characters, or in my top 10 come to that ;; but still he seems a good dad ad the family must have a lot of fun together.
Kittens? Nice way to put it. Poor Daisuke T_T. They play a lot of games don't they. 0.0 they're all acting like they're kids, do adults even play hide and seek...*thinks* I'm eighteen and the last time I played hide and seek was when I was 15 ;;. I love how you described Akito, he seems pretty. I love the interaction between Kyo and Yuki, great work on that. I actually lol'd at Kazuma's comment to Tohaku, if I was Momo I'd be a little scared. Perhaps explain what food they're eating.
Some of the sentences could be compressed since I got dizzy reading about the cats at dinner. 0.0 WHAT THE HELL IS YUKI ON! Okay stopping the capitalization but Yun-Yun seems to be high. They have their own cats? *not sure if that's good or bad*Aww they have that house, I always wondered if that was where they wound up living but then I struggled with myself about the last pages of the book, it's so so adorable!
T_T Poor Shigure, it's so saddening.
| MysticSorceror chapter 2 . 2/15/2008
Good open but perhaps explain what you mean by the first line, seems somewhat short. I love the encouragement you described. Good emotions and beautiful nonverbal descriptions, I'm glad they're getting on well together. Perhaps compress some of the sentences since they tend to drag slightly. I'm glad that Kagura showed up and also that she's not dating Momiji, it works out good that way.
I'm actually shocked to hear Kagura be so close to Momo, is this explained later? Aww the little interrogation was adorable, this fic really is a rare gem, metaphorically speaking. That's quite a scary way of getting a first date 0.0, you have to pay for it...If a guy told me that I'd be scared. I think I've said this before but I somewhat doubt that Kyo and Kagura are still this friendly with one another. Yay names!