SHEELOS,SHEELOS,SHEELOS!

cool story. i'll be reading.

oh this is getting good. May I be so bold as to make one suggestion? if you're not already planning it make Lloyd confess to loving Sheena and then make her choose. A simple yet enjoyable plot twist.

This is a good little story, but in all honesty, you really need to revise your stories (and maybe have other people look them over, too) and run them through a spell check. The extra spaces and numerous misspellings, among other things, really take away from the feeling of the story.

I don't mean to be overly critical (or mean), because it really is good, but if you put a little more work into it, it will be a lot better.

you're right, that sucked...

Lloyd! NOT

ZELOS! ZELOS is a fucker

kamui is not here... he doesn't know a made his room messy by throwing his clothes every where when the laundry was done.I think it should stay Shelos.I like Sheena and Zelos and Lloyd doesn't work out well in my mind.

?:Do you have a mind?

K..Kamui b..back so soon?

Kamui:I saw my room.

I haveta leave cuz Kamui is going to attempt to kill me and I will run .*Starts running*

It's a really cute story, and pretty in-character (except for the part where Raine ties up and gags Zelos for bothering her, that seems very OOC to me). One thing that could be improved is you need to seperate the dialog out. With it all bunched together like that, it doesn't seem to flow very well and reads sort of fast.

You also might want to seperate your comments at the top and bottom with a line, or something similar. Also, you misspelled Colette several times, in a couple of different ways - I just thought I would mention that. Good work though, I'd like to read more.

Here's my idea: On the way to Mizuho, Zelos and Sheena have a little chat, one thing leads to another then they suddenly kiss. They leave and go to Mizuho, then Lloyd dumps annoying little Colette then he and Sheena kiss. Sheena tells Zelos that she's sorry, but she likes Lloyd. Zelos is depressed, but he eventually gets over it. Then they go to Meltokio, and they find out that a girl (about 2 years younger than Zelos) along with her little brother and sister and cousin (brother-5 years old, sister-about my age, 10 years old, cousin- 15 years old, is exactly like her cousin and looks like her too, except she acts a little snobbish.)is moving in next door to Zelos. Zelos goes to her house and introduces himself. He finds out that she's a really sweet girl who is also: beautiful, smart, funny, strong, rich, and also just an ordinary girl. (I like the name Tara.) Then they fall in love, and Sheena and Lloyd fall in love.

The End.

So what do you think? Do you like it?

Please update your story soon, hope my suggestion helped.

I've had a lot of time to think about this, and I just kept making up all of this as I typed. Sorry for rambling on and on and on, and so on.

HAHAHAH!

It was so funny when Raine tied, gagged, and beat up Zelos!

HAHAHAHA!

That was sweet. It was mean how Lloyd just rejected her like that.

keep it sheelos

You need it to be Sheena x Lloyd or SheeLloyd or whatever you call it. If you have seen the scenes involving the two of them then there should be no questions asked. When Sheena pushes Lloyd out of Mithos way and goes to the Tower of Salvation, there is a skit where Lloyd is worried about Sheena, and when she is rid of the possesion Lloyd only thinks about her being safe. So put my vote on Sheena x Lloyd.

And if you want to make it Genis x Presea you have my vote again.

yea keep it sheelos. im not a big fan of sheena/lloyd.

LLOYD! Sheena has to end up with Lloyd. Sheelos is overused, and it is too obvious.

Anyways, I'm a Sheelloyd fan, so I'm hoping!