|Reviews for Twisted Ranma: Bad Bracelet|
| danbu chapter 1 . 7/24
hello there, I know this is over 10 years old and I highly doubt that you will be going to read this but since I just read the full thing I wanted to give you a small feedback anyway.
I personally...uhm I was going to write 'enjoyed' your story here but I think that's not the right word. Let's say it thrilled me. : )
I felt really sorry for what happened to the charackters and partly it was painful to read those things but the way you wrote the story was just very well and while the dark tone may not have met the one of the original series I think your charackter writing totally does.
I read some other fanfics before and often not finished reading those since the charackters only had the same names as the ones at the original but no other similarities wich totally dragged me out of the experience. This was definetely not the case here.
Good job, thank you. Even it if probably way too late xP
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/24/2013
I can't believe Akane didn't stop when she realized that she was stealing their powers
| shugokage chapter 1 . 4/7/2013
A very impressive story good job!
| FaerieKnight197 chapter 1 . 5/8/2011
This story brought tears to my eyes. Especially the end, where Akane learns the true price of what she's done. I salute you for a fine work.
| tuatara chapter 1 . 2/18/2011
Wow. This managed to bring me to tears. I had avoided reading this for some time, as it seemed like an especially depressing tale...and granted, it is that. But it's also really quite beautiful in its own way. The sense of loss is palpable, yet not all-consuming. Actions have consequences, and that fact has to be respected. But there remains enough hope to see that, while "redemption" as such may not ever be possible for Akane, it's well within her power to begin to soothe some of the suffering her profound betrayal has wrought for those dearest to her. The future can be a happier place for everyone, even her.
However, Ukyo's lack of physical development would really not be considered totally untreatable by any means. Hormone therapy for adults who never experienced proper puberty can still prove rather effective. I would like to imagine that Akane will use her wealth and connections to help Ukyo further in the future. Ukyo wouldn't be able to be restored to 100% of what she should have been, but it ought to be possible to improve her life substantially.
I can also imagine Akane possibly confessing everything to Nabiki at some point in the future...I think it would actually be fairly easy to convince her of the truth, with all that Akane knows. And Nabiki, given that she escaped the rampage with her analytical mind intact, would be the one who could most easily grasp what it all meant. She would also probably be the one most likely to acknowledge Akane's sins without condemning her outright. She could also help advise Akane on how best to "do right" by everyone.
It would also provide an explanation for, say, arranging for Kasumi to receive first-rate cooking lessons, perhaps a college fund for Hinako...and anything she possibly could for Shampoo. Plus, she could introduce her (presumably) newly-adopted daughter Kodachi to them, giving her some actual friends. Oh, and she could offer swimming instruction for the other girl while she's at it. Sure, that could all seem like wishful thinking, but with Akane's resources, she could absolutely do all of those things and a lot more.
Getting Tatewaki to leave all of them alone? Done. Getting her father to leave all of them alone? Well...probably. Making Nabiki her personal assistant and/or connecting her with anyone she would ever need to know? Piece of cake. Giving Ranma and Shampoo the opportunity to do whatever they want in life? Certainly. Ensuring that the Tendos and Ukyo are financially secure? Simple. I can hear Akane telling Nabiki something line, "I know I'm not your family and I have no right to be...but you're still *my* family, and I want to look out for all of you in any way I can."
Man, I've practically written an entire epilogue already, haven't I? This is actually startlingly similar to a screenplay I've been working on for years, about a guy "blessed" to have everything he wants...by taking it from others. Comparing oneself to others is so destructive, though it's endlessly fascinating territory for fiction, ne? Especially for the naturally insecure and envious...um, such I.
Thank you for sharing this.
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 1/12/2010
to it's wielder..." at that
[I would have broken the paragraph, because the following statement makes a good speech tag and seems to fit with Genma’s dialog more than the merchant’s]
but it bares horrible
slowly made it's way
you think your gettin’ away now!
[Interrogative missing its question mark]
She slipped it one
Thank you a strange voice
[There’s no formatting or punctuation to differentiate the “voice” of the bracelet with normal narrative. This happens repeatedly]
As you wish... it replied in a much less innocent tone.
[This would’ve been a lot more powerful if there was some differentiation from when it was speaking to when it was being described]
whole walk completely ignoring
to sound rude.” Akane smiled
[This is a form of what I call Source Mixing: one character’s action is tacked ungainly onto a different character’s dialog. Yes, it’s a form of response/progression in this sense, but as Akane replies verbally in the next paragraph it would make the flow much smoother if Akane’s reply action was directly attached to Akane’s reply dialog]
the rescuing keying it
They bracelet had
wanting to Touch anyone
[Why is ‘touch’ capitalized?]
got there, Can I
I ah, Bought it
didn’t sound all the
what a burden it is to be so great?”
[This is a statement, not a question (even if it is at least partially constructed as a question – just not enough)]
her opponents strong grip
[opponent’s strong grip,]
have found an excuse
[The sentence segment here is phrased awkwardly]
Akane smile and
you think your doing
hard now was it.”
Your just a normal
little girl now.”
[Though, technically speaking, Hinako is an adult (her age is 21-26, I’ve seen it vary in fanfics and I can’t remember if it’s specifically stated in canon)]
He didn’t her best
[did his best]
but he seem preoccupied
but your not fooling
She said eating
“See you around handsome
to finish drain Ukyo
“Your smarter then
[You’re smarter than]
bit that’s not saying
blocked her opponents strikes
“Looks like were on
at her opponents sudden
[“opponent’s”, though I have to question why she wasn’t warned by Cologne about a strange person draining others with dark magic if she’s already enlisted Ranma’s help]
all but her more basic moves where comprehensible.
[You mean _in_comprehensible? That still doesn’t make sense, something else expressing her normal ability is beyond her now would be clearer]
She yank her in and
are a fool aren't you.
Say your a little
was surprised an automatically
She breast were now
her limps skinny but
the girls screams like
“So your the creep
clear now she was enjoying
always think your so
all you getting from me
Akane knew she was outgunned and had to good for a sure fire grapple
[The phrasing looks off]
and grasp defeat from
top of her head much
have now It Taunted
[Why the odd capitalization]
various stiles and designers
Intimidated she took only
She left from behind the grill
[She walked out from]
with the boys father
to boys schools
then I thought, My body
[than, and odd capitalization]
Fortunately male stuff
people she affected she
anything I had done
[Shouldn’t this be “have”?]
She related to that
you show some respect.”
[I know it’s stated (by tone), but it’s still mostly a question and thereby requires a question mark]
Your Akane Kuno right
She accepting only looking
Your quite a man
tell, they’d. Raped her
Nabiki stepped in assuming
And By thanking I mean
[“by” – you need to be more careful with your capitalization]
Well Pops wasn’t to
[“Well,” and “too”]
The Teens looked after
more in it’s place
Her coinsence was only
Thus is folly of man
there weakness is there
[their (both times)]
I’m surprised at how well this came out – it definitely drew out the darkness in Akane’s spirit (all of the characters have a dark side, as you mentioned it’s part of human nature. This same idea is used in Unfair Warning, which I’d recommend if you haven’t found it already). It was a pleasure to read a story that gave a serious, even dark event/role to each character without bashing or overly distorting anybody. I expected there to be a convoluted pace to try to undo the changes and leaving everybody stupid like they started (as tends to happen in Gilligan’s Is…I mean Ranma ), but instead it ends off with things ambiguously left wrecked and the consequences very much more real as a result. The only issue I had was Shampoo – it made sense to turn Hinako into a child, but not for Shampoo, as the story gave no indication that the bracelet would have that power if it drains and transfers. I also agree with Elisteran’s point about Ranma, but otherwise it seems good.
Extremely dark, but extremely well done. And thank you for not tacking the continuation straight on, I think this story works great as a gloomy one-shot.
| Neil Fitchner chapter 1 . 5/1/2005
This is impressive. The way it’s Akane who uses the bracelet and first but it is using her by the end is well handled. The recreation of the personalities of the characters from the TV series is flawless. I agree with the criticism about the rape scene that others have commented on, and it seems mildly unimaginative to turn Ms. Hinako and Shampoo into children but this is mostly a complex and mesmerising fan fic. When are we going to read more in this series?
4.5/5 (If you don’t mind me giving this a rating.)
| ben chapter 1 . 3/30/2005
no afence but it was 2 sad u should have made akane go back and get the nackalas and wish the world back 2 normal and made the nackalas b distroyad 4 granting a wish so pure(ps pleas exuse my horid spelling)
| CyberGorth chapter 1 . 3/29/2005
Very interesting, I realy liked the idea and was surprised to see you use Akane as your main character. I must admit I was a little disapointed that Ryoga didn't make an appearance, but that's just becuase I'm a rabid fan of the little pig. I kind of wish that this was more than just a one shot becuase I realy enjoyed the overall style and tone. Maybe you could write a similar tale involving a different member of the Nerima Wrecking Crew?
| Six-string Samurai chapter 1 . 12/7/2004
Hmm, I liked this but was suprised that the tone was lifted at the end. Sort of. Actually, this kind of reads like an episode of Tales from the Darkside, with the Ranma cast. ;)
| Final-Fan chapter 1 . 11/5/2004
Masterfully done. I read fanfiction all the time, and this is easily in the top 5% - not counting the crap.
The only mark against it is the "random magical catalyst" being a bit old; but since Takahashi did that a lot too, clearly it's not something to worry about.
I would like to see more of this story, but as it is fine as a standalone, I recommend that you don't expand it unless you have a full-fledged plot in mind. A oneshot begging for continuation is a lot better then a oneshot followed by a third of that continuation.
IN OTHER WORDS, GREAT WORK!
| obsidian-fox chapter 1 . 10/6/2004
Fantastic piece. I like a good dark fic, and this is one of the better ones I've read recently.
| Shark8 chapter 1 . 10/5/2004
Good dark story with a nice twist at the end. There are a couple of spelling/grammer errors, like using 'apart' where you need to use 'a part', but a very good read nonetheless.
| WFROSE chapter 1 . 9/25/2004
| SuperRyouga chapter 1 . 9/18/2004
A very good story. I liked it a lot keep it up