Reviews for Asunder
KaguraXShesshomaru chapter 1 . 8/2/2007
Great story pleas continue writing, add more chapters soon!
sangi chapter 1 . 7/20/2006
This is nice.
Abraxas Qlippoth chapter 1 . 3/7/2005
i wonder if it must have been the shard of the jewel that caused the arrows to appear; i like it, i think it was handled very well. i've really grown to like this kohaku/kagura pair, heh heh. good job!
Aiffe chapter 1 . 1/13/2005
I think it has been too long since I read something of yours, since this is showing me what I've been missing. I like how it became more than retrospection, without seeming forced; the mind's torments becoming tangible. Very disturbing, which you know I love.
Banana Rum chapter 1 . 10/10/2004
Have to wonder what I did so that you would block me from sumitting a signed review...*sigh*

I thought Asunder was a very plausible opinion of Kohaku in all his pathetic misery. It had a poetic sense to it, though sometimes it was bogged down in its own complexity. Kohaku was exactly like he is in the manga and anime, though Kagura left me a but aprehensive...

My favorite line was ‘A chill ran over Kohaku's lowered form upon the ground, his feet going numb. "Please, I can't live knowing what I've done."

Only during the last few dreams had he lately heard the tall man whisper bemusedly, "You didn't live. You died, and I brought you back," adding in his own lines to the script Kohaku had now memorized.’

There was something about these words that made it seem...Inuyasha. Just the blunt truth that can crush someone’s reality in a single blow. Inuyasha uses this method a lot with Sango, and Sesshomaru utilizes it as well with Inuyasha.

I’m not sure exactly what the arrows were about. It set up the brother-sister moment with Kohaku and Kagura, but where’d they COME from? You may have adressed that in the fic, but sometimes your readers overlook details if they are too subtle.

I may just be a stickler about this, but it drives me mad when people use random Japanese words when an English subtsitute is available. For instance, ‘inu’ translates directly to ‘dog’, but ‘youkai’ doesn’t exactly mean ‘demon’; it’s close, but not directly translatable.

However, you didn’t use it in the dialogue, so it’s just a minor annoyance. If a character randomly blurts out “Zamaamiyagare!
jambajunkie chapter 1 . 8/30/2004
You do such an excellent job turning images around and showing their darker sides. In my experience, dreams normally flow from scene to scene, the transitions effortless and only half-noticed. Kohaku’s dreams here, on the other hand, are “patched
Akuma-chan-69 chapter 1 . 8/29/2004
wow that was a great chapter! i wonder what happens next! it so cute that they were showing affection for each other1! _ keep up the good work!
Ph34rTheEars chapter 1 . 8/29/2004
Wow. That was one of the best things I have ever read. You are an amazing writer and I am looking forward to more stuff from you. (;)
LaraWinner chapter 1 . 8/29/2004
Brilliant! Simply brilliant!