|Reviews for The 13th Orbital Frame|
| AnotherOdjn chapter 1 . 9/3/2004
Well...that was a peculiar way to start...and seemingly end a fic. We meet what appears to be the main cast, then they all die in a bus wreck. Ha!
Well, anyway, I can only assume something will occur...somehow...that ties this in to Zone of the Enders. And when it does, heck, welcome to our little underappreciated bit of ! We sure need more stuff here lately.
Let's see, running down the usual list here - I have to admit, you're not bad at all in the actual composition department. No spelling flops, grammar is correct, interesting and dynamic dialogue, pretty good description (character images are still missing a bit, that's all), and the paragrahing is correct! I nearly had a heart attack seeing a story that I can actually enjoy reading merely for the good command of the English language.
On to the cast - I have to admit, Damien (or is it David? I couldn't keep the main character's name straight) reminds me a bit of myself. Though, I personally keep my perception of myself seperate from my religious beliefs, I can understand that this guy is an individual right off the bat. The same goes for everyone else: they're their own person and have a share of quirks and habits. I don't know why so many people sweat the part of characterization - as shown here, it isn't tough at all. -_- Keep up what you're doing with everyone in the cast, it's working excellently!
Eh, my only complaint is just a pet peeve, but damn, dude...where's the ZOE? I was easily hooked in by the fact that this is a seemingly primarily character-driven story (just read my crap, you'll see I love to do that myself), but the way things ended so abruptly was just a bit in bad taste, to be honest. However, I understand that an author can tell a story however the hell they want, so I won't complaining too much there. I guess I'll boil it all down to saying "OMG, hurry up and post teh next chap! OMG!".
Otherwise, if you're interested in the story of fairly everyday people, divine intervention, and seemingly droll and entertaining dialogue, go check out my own story: ZOE Triad! :P Yeah, I know it's a shamelss plug, but it's become habit for me.