|Reviews for Stoned, Immaculate|
| BOWIEgirl chapter 1 . 6/26/2007
I agree with the previous review, the wall of text doesn't look very inviting. But the last bit was interesting.
I don't know if the site really cares, but you didn't put a disclaimer. Kind of misleading as to who the lyrics belong to.
| mizbitch2you chapter 1 . 12/8/2006
This is an interesting concept, but I believe it could be handled better. First, all of your text (besides the lyrics, which are not yours and shouldn't even be in this document) is in a single lump at the bottom of the page. This is visually very unpleasant; please break the story up into paragraphs so it's not quite so wall o' texty.
Second, your spelling, grammar, and punctuation need work. I don't want to be anal about this, but when I can't understand your sentences, it's hard for the point of your story to get across.
Finally, I would advise you to go smoke some pot and then try again to write about its effects. I'm getting a lot of virgin-writing-sex-scenes vibes from this, and I feel like it could do with some realism. Come on, now. You don't get high off of two drags, and marijuana doesn't have the effects that you've described.
I'll be interested to read your story once you revise it; and if you have any questions or would like me to beta, feel free to email me.
| Celtic Storm chapter 1 . 8/20/2005
sounds like something jim morrison would say...o wait..he did, lol. in all seriousness, i like it.
| LittleMagenta chapter 1 . 5/6/2005
Sounds exactly like something Hedwig would say.