Reviews for Loss
Gohanzgirl chapter 1 . 4/19/2007
oh man that was good! I love the way you write the boys!
beth hart chapter 1 . 2/25/2005
l just finished reading your story and it was super great...l am keeping it in my ninja turtle computer files
Donny's Girl chapter 1 . 9/11/2004
great gap-fillier purple! but the raing is way off. pg-13 will do it, for the nice language at the begining

u just keep cumin! l8r sk8r

monica
Pretender Fanatic chapter 1 . 9/10/2004
Aww! Poor guys! That wasn't very long and it still almost made me cry! Loved it bunches!

Pretender Fanatic
Lone Warrior2 chapter 1 . 9/9/2004
Great job, great job, *applauds* I seriously have twin trails of tears on my face. That filled the gap really well. Great job.

Lone Warrior2
ReluctantDragon chapter 1 . 9/9/2004
Aw... that so sad and sweet!

Good job! i enjoyed it, even though it made me sad... :-P
Machias Banshee chapter 1 . 9/9/2004
Aw... *sniffles* poor babies. That must have been the most horrible feeling. Their papa was gone. I just wanna hug Donnie and Mike. They were so broken up... man, this reminds me of my art. :'(

beautifully written..
Lioness-Goddess chapter 1 . 9/9/2004
Aww. I imagine it would have gone something like that...
TT chapter 1 . 9/9/2004
This is a very sweet story. I do have a recommendation. The B word would probably have made the rating a tad bit higher. Maybe pg or pg-13. But other than that i enjoyed it.
Reinbeauchaser chapter 1 . 9/8/2004
Ah, cool...a filler. That movie is so full of openings for stories such as yours! I need to watch that as well as the second one...I need to write something new. LOL

Anyway, as with all stories that attract my obsessive love for TMNT's, I feel it only right to give a full review where time allows. I have time, so it's allowed. LOL

Loved how you dressed the scene in the lair right after that last camera shot of Raph raging and before it switched over to April opening her apartment door. The individual angst and shock for each turtle was well done. You conveyed perfectly their unique reaction from what was depicted on-screen.

I also liked the part where Leo is hit with the realization that "...for the first time in his life, he truly did have to be a leader and act as such" ( lose that comma, btw...not necessary there.)

Where you are mentioning how 'They lived for each other...', you can make four sentences out of that rather long run-on you have right there. It will read better and make more sense. For example - "They lived for each other with a love beyond measure. Their father, the one whom without (him) they wouldn't be here, had taken them in. He had fed, loved, protected, and cared for them their entire lives. (Now), he was gone (and) it was almost beyond (their) comprehension."

The words in brackets are mine, but as you can see it makes the thought a little clearer.

As I'm reading along, I've noticed that you seem to like the run-ons a lot. Be careful about doing this. You can have greater impact on the story with shorter sentences than with one long breath of thought. It allows the reader to pace himself better, as well.

I love the part where they're talking about April..."They'd never had a friend to rely on, only each other. A tiny ray of sunshine seemed to break through their dark and hopeless thoughts." Beautiful. I can feel their joy and relief; hope and anticipation. Great job here.

Then, the next line..."Silently, they made their way to her apartment, subconsiously staying as physically close to one another as possible." Ninja they may be, but they are still flesh and blood and - therefore - fearful. You've captured their insecurity quite well. :0)

All the way around, this is a great one-shot...I enjoyed reading it!

Looking for more, of course, so keep cranking them out.

Be blessed.