|Reviews for Defining Normalcy|
| Shad999 chapter 22 . 10/25/2012
I'm begging you; if you're still alive, have a full metal panic marathon for inspiration, and get back on this fic.
I will send cookies.
| dabl chapter 11 . 1/31/2010
Love the story!
| tcadmiral chapter 22 . 9/7/2009
this is the best story ever!you have to update soon.
| antienoftheshadows chapter 22 . 7/21/2009
i just started reading this tonight...well this morning now and i'm highly impressed. Now would you be so kind as to post a new chapter.
PS-Sousuke will incite cajarahahi's curse on you if you don't update. :)
| mithrill chapter 22 . 2/27/2009
I can't believe you stopped here.
| Terra3 chapter 22 . 7/21/2008
Oh my God, wow! I had to read this over the course of two nights. I would have read it in one night but when I got to chapter 17, it was 6am so I had to stop. Then the first thing I did once I got to a computer is finish up what you have so far.
I am really impressed with this plot. When I read the first chapter, I thought it was going to a standard "Sousuke tries to live as a civilian and hijinks ensue!" or worse "Sousuke tries to live as a civilian and he does so well that he's out of character and I get bored and stop reading." I also feared Jin Lian (I thought she was going to be Sousuke's on-TDD girlfriend and/or a self-insert Mary-Sue... until I realized that you're a guy) but she's very well done. I was amazed by what's happened to her so far!
What kept me reading was Sousuke's issues with his time in China, especially with his "son". That revelation made me cry and gasp. Before that, I was getting kind of bored since Sousuke seemed so well-adjusted that he was boringly out of character but that whole backstory showed just how much he is *not* well-adjusted (actually, now that I think about it, you do hint that Sousuke ain't quite right before the reader finds out what's wrong. The phone booth incident comes to mind, which struck me as very out of character at the time but knowing what I know now, makes some sense). I think an experience like that is probably one of the few things that could actually break Sousuke and really scar him. But you maintain a realistic touch: Sousuke isn't a heap of psychosis all day long, he's able to maintain some composure on a daily basis but sometimes he cracks and can't function for a time.
And in addition to all that, you have an actual adventure plot as well! This is the main reason I kept reading. I simply had to know what was going to happen next.
Also, your chapters are meaty. A lot happens in each chapter, especially the later ones. I feel like I'm reading a chapter length that I would find in a typical book.
Now, some critiques:
1. Your spelling, grammar, and format could use some improvement. To your credit, you're improving with each chapter. But there are quite a number of typos in your chapters which tend to hurt your story. A recent example is fettle versus fetal. You meant Stefanie was in a "fetal position" but you wrote a "fettle position".
I will admit that I nearly stopped at chapter one because your conversation with Sousuke and Jin was badly formatted and hard to follow: It was hard to tell who was speaking which line because you kept putting a sentence on a new paragraph (which indicates a new speaker) when the original speaker was still talking. Lines of dialogue should look like this:
"Want to hear about how my test went?" Jin asked while cooking dinner. "You'll be really surprised!" (Jin is still talking.)
(Now Sousuke can answer.) "Nothing about you surprises me, Jin." Sousuke checked the barrel of the gun that he was cleaning to see if it was sufficiently clean. "But go ahead and tell me." (Sousuke is still talking here.)
"I got 100 percent!" (Jin is talking.)
"That's nice." (Sousuke is talking.)
"You don't sound pleased!" (Jin is talking again.)
"I am pleased," Sousuke answered and then sighed.
"What's wrong, Sousuke?" Jin asked, very concerned.
One weird typo I keep seeing looks like you wanted to use one phrase, decided against it, and then typed in another phrase but forgot to delete the original phrase. It made for some unusual lines. Another thing I'm noticing is that sometimes lines mush together like this: This is an example sentencethat I'm writingDo you see what I mean? I'm not sure if it's you or but you might want to check on that.
I want to emphasize that probably your biggest weakness is the spelling, grammar, and formatting. Your story is so engrossing that I'm able to forgive these mistakes but I'm telling you because there were a few moments in the beginning (before the story really got going) that I nearly stopped because of some glaring error.
2. This is a nitpick but in an earlier chapter, Sousuke thinks on how he was the boy's father for nine months. I assumed that meant the original father died and then Sousuke stepped in for nine months. But then later you show the events that led to everyone dying and the narration tells us that Sousuke has only known the boy for five months and his father was still alive. Unless the OROC killed the father and then waited nine months or even four months to kill the boy that led to Sousuke's killing spree (and from the OROC men's behavior, I don't think they were willing to wait that long for the curse to happen), the numbers don't match up.
Anyway, you're doing a great job and look forward to reading the conclusion!
| SparklingDestiny chapter 1 . 6/3/2008
This is great...but I have a question..did sousuke try to kill tessa?
| Coldarth chapter 20 . 1/17/2008
To 1 of the best FMP ficwritters out-there:
I usually dun bother to review... even if i like a fanfic...
but I really had to tell u that this fic is a masterpeice...
thats all i hav to say..
it will be a REAL shame not to know the ending of this fic... and i really hope u dun give up...(though judging from the previous update-2006 that is a high possibility)
there r lots of people out there who luv ur fic. and i think ur fic inspires people to write and read FMP fanfiction.
although some might think otherwise... I luv the way u "killed" sousuke. the way there is abs NO hope of him returning and his sudden appearance...
keep up the work...
if u hav given up... and dun plan to update dis fic... could u plz post sumthing on ur bio so dat ur readers will noe?
| myrthill chapter 5 . 1/13/2008
to say that is irony is a huge understatement of the month! lol
great story so far :)
| Peldor chapter 22 . 12/11/2007
All I can say is wow... This story is on a level way above most. The raw emotion that you convey through the situations and settings are powerful; two parts that particularly stick out are Sousuke’s flashbacks to china and Jin’s time in the grey room, POWERFUL presentation and it easily conveys the emotions of the moment. The story is fantastic, so many twists and turns; it literally feels like every chapter is going to pull the rug out from under you. Your style of storytelling really draws the reader in and makes it seem so real, and the content and story arc so far make it a ‘can’t stop reading’ type of story!
I truly hope that you get to finish this story because I know that I want to know how it ends!
Happy writing and hope to see updates soon!
| DvorakQ chapter 22 . 10/11/2007
Goosebumps at that cliffhanger. This story has got it all, sappy moments, hilarious moments, and sorrowful moments. I seriously hope you continue to update this work. Excellent fan fiction, to stumble upon a fic of this caliber indeed something to be joyous about.
| angelbecca chapter 22 . 10/1/2007
OMG! u have to updat soon... i have just read your whole story in spite of being in the middle of all my university work and all of the impending midterms next week and such. I just could not stop if i wanted to! i would like to say how great i find your story and your ability to totally captivate your readers, i am anxiously anticipating the next installment...
| Envy chapter 22 . 8/17/2007
I love your story, you had me crying there for a sec when i thought that SS was dead. This story is way above subpar leavel for most writers. I think you are brave to write a FMP fic. Mosly wriers do not try because it is such a hard show to write about. Your story is almost perfect, just one thing would I change if i were to use your style. frist and last, in the chapter were ss and kc fall, and we all hink that he is dead, and this applys to he fowlling chapter as well. leave more of a hint that he could be alive. I picked this for romance, and when i thought that ss was dead, my heart sank and i did not wont to read it anymore, because i thought there would some off the hand couple. I think that when pepole read this, and get to that chapter, that thats when you lose most of your female viewers. I know that i lost all heart, and did not wont to read the reast, and the way that you drag out your chacters fellings and toughts and actions based on thoses fellings and thoughts,leaves the reader in a stupur because they think "well that romace story is over" and mostly stop reading. But with just a light hint that he could be alive, like the EMT ran over to him after kc got pulled into the van, that would be a big hint, but and even smaller one like as kc was passing out because of the drug, she heard sirens. Or that "a small crowd was gathering around the hopeless scean of the fallen young man in he snow with slight mummers going around as black van or car speed off. Or you could even a smaller one if word it just right. But you have to leave the readers with a very small shread of hope that ss could still be alive, so that you can carry over the thrill in to the tech scenes and thoses that deal with the OROC. um maybe i'm rambleing to much, eathier way your story is perfect i would not change a thing or take a single thing out, i'm waiting on my toes for the next chapter. I can't wait to see what your genius mind has cooked up for us to read. I just can not wait. I wont to know about the baby and if jin gets her mind back, and what will happen to shin and that little girl, oh please hurry.
| Darkness Resurrect chapter 6 . 6/27/2007
His goal: Kaname Chidori. His mission: Kaname Chidori. His need: Kaname Chidori. His threat: ... Kaname Chidori.
Love this fic so far, loved the above line...I thought it grasped the essence of Sagara Sousuke perfectly. One question though, what's with the Tessa bashing in Chap 1? - That would be the only complaint I have. Great job!
| LavenderSkies chapter 17 . 6/20/2007
Liking the plot development. The Burning Cold is an interesting idea. I like how more details of Sousuke's experience in China gets revealed as the story progresses. They're nicely space out. I'm curious about the significance of Cajarahahi, though, since the soldiers seemed to react to his name. Is it something I'll find out in later chapters? The only thing that trips me up every now and then is the lack of some sort of indication for when the story's switching from the present to the past and vice versa. One paragraph would be here and now, then suddenly the next was in another time and place. Seems like maybe there needs to be some sort of visual break? For the most part, I can follow. Just every now and then. D Anyway, bedtime again. LOL! Next time!