|Reviews for Painful Memories|
| VictoireAgathon chapter 5 . 6/10/2010
Elrohir is spelled with one 'L'
| Yemi Hikari chapter 1 . 2/6/2010
I hope this gets to you. Keep writing for the fun of it, yet keep trying to improve as you go. It might not be the best writing in the world, but I don't see it as the worst either. With the new DocX system on the site, concider getting someone GOOD with grammer, to Beta the chapters for you...
And no... it doesn't belong in the C2...
| I Am The Batman chapter 1 . 1/1/2009
Well, it isn't perfect, but there weren't very many completely obvious errors. Judging by the other reviews, at a time, it was bad, but it's clear you revised it. Happy hunting.
| GreenEyes aka tutyfrty chapter 7 . 11/14/2008
This story really needs a major read over by someone who knows puncuation, grammar, spelling and how to suggest a way to make this less stilted. The conversation between characters is very stiff and unnatural and descriptive prose is sadly missing. You need to pad your bare bones story with some descriptive padding. And please don't do things like say the child is afraid to be outdoors in the dark and then have the other character say somethin like "Well,then let's go in" AND THEN have him say "but you wait here first" (in the dark, outside for god sake! It makes no sense.)
I do like the idea of a story of the child Legolas but this is not it unless it can be written more realistically. YOu have the kernal of a good story started all you need to do is give it the improvements and polish it needs, and the conversation between individuals needs to be more realistic
| MewDFault chapter 1 . 8/30/2008
Oh no. Stop. Scary.
| Mezzy-Pen chapter 8 . 8/21/2008
well im sorry to say, that i find this chapter rather sad. i believe in you, your writing doesn't sick, or anything like that! and i believe in you, and i can understand why you write. and believe me when i say, you have more courage then me, i deleted a story after one relly bad review! i know i shouldn't of, but i did. so i say carry on, keep going. the only way you can go now is up! don't give up, keep going! you'll always hear nice words from me... because nobody's prefect, that what makes us human!
| xxnuttynicxx chapter 8 . 8/15/2008
I absolutely love this story; it’s amazing to have a story about a young Legolas. There aren’t enough off them! Please don’t worry about ‘flame rising’ flaming ya been there and it ain’t stopped me yet, I know I’m not perfect either when it comes to writing but I do it for fun, so ignore the flame and please continue this wonderful story please!
| Lady Ambreanna chapter 8 . 8/15/2008
I will speak only the truth to you!
Is your story perfect? No.
Does your story suck? No!
Should you pay attention to Flame Rising? NO!
Should you do what everyone else does and laugh at Flame Rising? YES!
Flame Rising criticizes even the best writers on the site. He uses the exact same flame with almost everyone. He's not creative enough to come up with anything new which makes even the worst writer on the site better than he is!
Please! Do not stop writing just because of an idiot! If you do, he wins! The best revenge is to continue writing and stick your tongue out at Flame Rising(and all other flamers)every time you get a good review! Let's practice now, shall we:
Me:Thanks for the wonderful story! I can't wait to find out what happens!
You: HA! HA! Take THAT flamers!
One last thing: I BELIEVE IN YOU!
| Viresse chapter 8 . 8/14/2008
just wanna say I'm here to support you. I really admire your attitude "I write for myself." I read many stories and as a reader, it's quite frustrated when some authors just write based on the number of reviews they got.
Also, I wanna flag that your writting is not that bad at all! I'm honest. i read a lot of LotR stories and i can tell many of them are not in perfect English. I treasure a good story more. And you're right, keep writing can help you improve and learn. English is not my first English but I can give you a chapter screening before you post it if you want to.
I realise there're some anonymous reviewer out there just to say extremely bad things to authors and have successfully discouraged some of them to continue their stories. I hope you're not one of them.
Well, i'm new to your story and haven't read all chapters yet, so i can't say if it's good or not. I just read stories with Elladan these days, especially Elladan angst ;p it'd be good if you're having this element in future chapter...but anyway, do not give up.
| Lucy chapter 8 . 8/14/2008
You don't suck. Occasionally your spelling is off, but you have done a good job of capturing Legolas' emotions and need for reassurance.
| SushiLover656 chapter 1 . 11/16/2006
Hey, I read your flames, then I read this chapter.
The criticism that you got was really of exaggerated. You're far better than most people on this site. But you also have a few problems in your writing.
I hope you don't take offense to any of this. I want to be a writer some day, so things I say may probably seem harsh.
1. You make a lot of spelling and gramatical mistakes. I don't think that it means that your writing is "babyish" or that you would some how need any remidial english classes. It simply means that you rush things, like I do. If I spell cat "cta" it doesn't mean that I'm an idiot, it means that I'm impatient. Or maybe just bad at revising? Who cares. You're a college student, and your readers can deal with that.
2. As I said before, your writing is kind of two-dimensional, and you describe everything with dialogue. It lacks description, and it goes way too fast. Go a little into Legollas' appearance, his room, etc. The death of his mother happened before the story, so you don't really need to describe it, but you can go more into Legollas' feelings. Maybe add a scene of his thoughts in his room? I dunno, it's your story, really.
Right here: "Pardon me King Thranduil, but a messenger from Rivendell has just arrived." Said Sanna.
"Tell him to meet me in here." He said sitting by his desk.
"Alright." She answered. She bowed and then fetched the messenger.
"King Thranduil, Lord Elrond sent me to inform..."
There is no pause between the King's request for the messenger, and the messenger appearing. It's like the messenger randomly appears out of nowhere. Maybe the King sighs as he waits for the messenger to enter, etc. You can even put, "The king watched as the messenger entered the room." Again, your writing is quite fast.
I am very sorry if this bothered you in any way. I live for criticism and do my best to improve through it. Again, this story is far better than most of the stuff I you find on this site. I normally wouldn't even go this far, but I was sitting here browsing, and remembered that you'd asked what I thought.
The plot so far is pretty good (I suck at plots. I have no imagination whatsoever, so I'm pretty bad at coming up with anything original). And little Legollas is really cute.
| Sesshomaru'sSapphireMaiden chapter 6 . 10/28/2006
Skrew Stormy and Zippedy do duh! I love you guys and any one who tries to discurage you is a nusence to loyal readers as well as the auther if your babieish I'm babieish! They should get a #$% blog and yak about their apinoin to the peopel who care! I love you two!
| ZippityDoDah chapter 6 . 10/25/2006
May I suggest taking remedial English lessons at your college?
If you post your story and want people to review, please have the courtesy to learn basic grammar, or have have someone edit the story before posting. It's not that hard, and you'll look a lot smarter.
| LOCISVU chapter 6 . 10/23/2006
Why so short?
| LOCISVU chapter 5 . 10/23/2006
Just a little bit of spelling errors but not bad.