|Reviews for Manipulated|
| sarahseptember chapter 15 . 6/3/2008
woah cool! awesome fic so far. but hay! its been a while since you updated! could ya do something about this? please? have mercy on a curious cats little soul. lolz.
| mini moose chapter 15 . 8/14/2007
i'm a terrible person.
for one, im too lazy to even log in to review you.
2. i've been reading this story sice around chapter 3, and im pretty sure that this is the first time i've ever reviewed. sorry bout that L;;
but yeah, i'm glad you're still going with this wodnderful/origional/ wonderfully origional story after all this time and i'm looking forward to your next update, and i promise to review next time! :D
| GuesssWho chapter 15 . 6/7/2007
| D0llieDaydream chapter 15 . 8/29/2006
Wow... Really, I wasn't sure how this was gonna work out but it's fabulous!
I'm already in love with the little Seachnall & Kelly thing you got going on.
I feel for you on the not being able to update for lack of inspiration and such, I'm getting that at the moment too. I hope you keep on updating this though, coz it's a great story.
| PrinceToddWilliamson chapter 14 . 4/30/2006
Excellent Job, Richard! You are completely back to form.
This chapter got me right back into the story.
Well worth the wait.
Furthermore, I love how you are keeping with the ambiguity. Frank is still just as enigmatic as ever.
Can't wait for the next installment!
| AidenB chapter 13 . 4/14/2006
Hey man, keep writing. I need some real competetion in the Donnie Darko section. Your story has legs and you should run with them. Don't let a bad review put you off for good. Just keep writing, and you'll get even better.
| Elliot Bowers chapter 13 . 4/13/2006
_ The tone of this review, I must warn, is going to be just about as crazy and sadistic as the idea of Frank: a six-foot, fourth-dimensional being in a bunny suit and wearing some kind of evil rabbit-god deathmask. It may seem harsh and evil at first. Yet the harsh darkness is being written for reasons. Things have reasons. Else, things would not exist. This review exists. Its reasons for concotion are for correction, coercion and questionable contemplation-cruelty to complete it.
_ We begin with basics, some base-of-the-pyramid technical issues with what you wrote. Punctuation was an issue I saw from the beginning-especially in terms of how you punctuated dialogue. For a solitary example, one is supposed to use commas to end quotes within a sentence, then continue the sentence. Chapter 3 had this written: "'Come with me. He said.'" It should have been this: "Come with me," he said. Speaking of commas, you also-MAYBE-over-used them in some sentences: Too many commas, I say, could maybe seem redundant, and they tend to make sentences go on, which is what I am doing now as an example in what not to do. Yes, and in Chapter 4, you wrote "bunny suit wearing mentor," when one is supposed to use hyphens to join words used together as a single term-excepting usage of adverbs... This amateur novelist before you could go on in terms of punctuation errors, but then you would hate me even more. I won't mention the spelling errors and word confusion, either: mixing "to" where "too" should have been, putting "then" instead of "than," and more on.
_ "Could BE... Possibly... Maybe..." went a particularly sadistic Christmas fairy in an American 80's movie. I am no Christmas fairy. Nor am I a character from an American 80's movie. But even I need to vent my opinions on some things in the category of could be, maybe and possibly. These are not absolutes. These are just things nice to keep in mind. When it comes to writing style, there is this this vague idea of leaving other writers alone-except when it just may be wrong.
_ It is "possibly" wrong to have single sentences posing as paragraphs. According to every English style manual and every University professor I have ever survived, a proper paragraph is no less than five sentences. People can plunk down three sentences and call it a mini-paragraph. It is still NOT a paragaph. Throughout your work so far, there were lots of places-almost all places-where sentences could be plunked together, as with when characters were thinking to themselves. You should only really break new paragraphs when breaking into a new subject or when another character starts ranting. Then again, paragraphing rules seem to be broken an awful lot in terms of the English language... But these are not MY-Y-Y RULES! Buy yourself some English style manuals to keep on-hand next to the dictionaries: It's like a driver's manual about the rules and regulations of English usage, talking about paragraphs, punctuation, diction and more. Then you can figure out which rules are bendable and destructable for stylistic reasons. Also mentionable is how this man typing to you survived all the professors in college-in large part by following the "rules" of English usage and language.
_ THAT SAID, now the sadism can stop-or I can TRY to stop it: This is supposed to be a well-rounded critique and not just a rant-bag, drool-cup hate-session. (But, DUDE, those can be fun!) I begin the love-talk of your work by saying that your taking of artistic liberties with the themes and motifs is admirable. If things are to be weird, let them be weird. And it is GOOD that you left things as somewhat oddball as they were-leaving Frank to summon watter barriers, also leaving Donne and Gretchen to warp in and around time and space by way of the barrier element, time travel, mutant-voiced demon bunnies...the weirdness reigning supreme. Be as weird as you like: Stephen King and Kurt Vonnegut do it and did it all the darned time. Be bold; be artistic; BE OFF-BEAT AND WEIRD.
_ Something else was admirable about your work as well. Punctuation error aside, the flow of your characters' dialogue and the narrative flowed good enough. The way your work interspaces dialogue with the narrator's third-person perspective was just as how professional fiction writers do it. Characters talk, they think, and they talk some more. It is like being inside the characters' heads. One could even call your writing style efficient. Even if you are not a workplace efficiency consultant or a robot, the term efficiency ought to be praise-which it is in this case. Or are robots and workplace efficiency consultants one and the same?
_ This thing ends with this: Artsy and off-the-beaten-path writing is good, so long as you get your punctuation nailed down good and fixed up right. There were punctuation errors in terms of dialogue in your writing. Also true were some writing issues in the "maybe" category. Yet likable about your work here was the relative boldness into the relative weirdness. You do narrative well-as well. "Let there be lips," was the oddball quote exemplifying the play and movie entitled, THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. Stephen King and Kurt Vonnegut can get even weirder: ever read THE DARK TOWER series or SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE? By the byway, Richard Kelly maybe, possibly, could-be-have-said that Kurt Vonnegut inspired his making of DONNIE DARKO. These are just thoughts typed into electricity; do what you always will with them.
| Sharah chapter 13 . 3/6/2006
Please continue this story. I so love Donnie Darko, and have quite enjoyed your take on the purpose and how the story unfolds. You have done a fair amount of research, being sure to include in this story the characters and specific, important clues the director gave us. You have done an admirable job, and I feel as if the characters are who they should be in the movie, yet the story is very much its own peice. Thank you for writing what you have, please finish it, or at least continue to write it.
| PrinceToddWilliamson chapter 13 . 12/27/2005
Overall, I love this entire story. It is a great spin on the Donnie Darko mythos...
However, I was not quite as enthused about this particular installment. Urgh, I really hate giving critical reviews...but I felt that this chapter didn't live up to the rest of the story, for lack of a better phrase just now.
It doesn't seem like the same care and love went into it as all the others. Grant it, we all get to those points in long fics that we tend to lose our zeal...So I suspect that is what you went through with this one.
Please don't churn out work just to appease your audience. Even if I had to wait a full year for a great chapter I would have seeing as I love this story...I just like seeing your work at it's finest, and this chapter doesn't measure up to your talent.
Anyway, I can't wait to read the next one!
| WayWard Childe chapter 13 . 12/19/2005
I love this story. It's very compelling and I feel like i'm reading a sequel to Donnie Darko. And yes I know that this is a fan sequel to it. I mean I feel like i'm reading the real sequel to the movie.
| xxAmia chapter 13 . 11/24/2005
i NEED you to continue this fic. :0 i got so sucked into it and now i want more. :/
| Simone3191 chapter 13 . 11/9/2005
Wow nice story and you leave me in suspence most of the time update soon please
| blackfphoenix chapter 12 . 10/23/2005
This is a really good story! I hope you continue writing! Keep up the good work.
| Mousewolf chapter 6 . 9/23/2005
That make more sense than is given credit to most.
| PrinceToddWilliamson chapter 12 . 7/18/2005
Another great chapter.
I am just waiting idly to see what happens next! **hint hint**