|Reviews for A Handmaiden's Tale|
| JonIsKingInTheNorth chapter 1 . 4/5/2009
A great story. Very good.
| Misti Wolan chapter 1 . 10/8/2004
Nice little connection—semi-obvious from the Jedi having blood-red hair. I liked it.
Grammar needs some work, though. You're particularly susceptible to run-on sentences. Here's a few example spots:
• "You are not even Nubian, you have no obligation-"
— "You are not even Nubian. You have no obligation—"
(Run-on, specifically a comma splice; & a dash is either the long middle bar or two hyphens beside each other.)
• I am a Jedi Milady, and my duty is to you and to the Order.
— I am a Jedi, Milady, and my duty is to you and to the Order.
("Milady" is a noun of direct address, so within the sentence it's surrounded by commas.
• "Mommy, can I go with Auntie please?" a sandy haired toddler begged, tugging on a red haired woman's hand, trying to pull her in the direction of a second, slightly shorter woman with very long brown hair lightly shot through with silver and tied up in an intricate design who was trying not to laugh.
—You make that correction after I describe the problem.
(Too long a sentence for its content. Read it aloud, and it's a tongue-twister, meaning it's confusing to your readers. Break it up into more than one sentence, and be realistic with the extended "please". Only select sounds get elongated—not all of them and certainly not the end's silent "e". Spell it to reflect this.)
• "…The Republic will be reborn," I drew her into my arms for the last time, unable to meet her eyes.
— "…The Republic will be reborn." I drew her into my arms for the last time, unable to meet her gaze."
(It's a run-on; & "Eyes" makes it sound like you're talking about the physical eyeballs… I should hope Jade couldn't hit them.)
This is my strong point, so I do this to most I read. Don't take it personally. :) I find reading stuff aloud helps catch all sorts of minor errors and typos—& many of my confusing sentences.
Of course, keeping my confusing sentences down hardly helps if my entire story's confusing… For which I apologize. It's a flaw of mine.
Keep writing! :)