|Reviews for I faced more than that|
| Mistress Twist chapter 1 . 7/4/2008
I have a few things to say.
First: I agree with everyone on the reviews. They are right. I never judged anyone as I am going to do now.
Second: I'm not the one to say about grammar, but mine is not as bad as yours. (now I use spell check)
Third: I said, he said. You can skip the saids and use others or nothing at all.
Fourth: Who is Sonar? If you made her up, that's cool, but please describe her and how she got her or if she's visiting.(I've done a story like that before)
I think that is it. I've never judged anyone like this before. You could be an excellent writer because I like this idea, but you need to check grammar and get characters straight.
new york gal
| TheSonicDremel chapter 1 . 10/12/2004
Ok, ok, I've been debating with myself for awhile before posting this review. I must say, I really do hope that you listen to the voice of reason and take a creative writing course. I mean, the style you have right now is choppy and boring. It's repetative. And as for the character Sonar? I have major suspicions that she is a souped-up self-insertion. If you must create a Mary Sue to act out your fantasies, then please PLEASE don't force them on us. As a matter of fact, don't force your WRITING on us. Sonar seems to have no personality whatsoever, and it IS (as Major disaster said) like reading about a jellybean. You don't give us any reason to like her. And as for the fact that she graduated from med school to 17? Dude, it takes MUCH longer than three yours for a person to become a doctor. About five to ten years, I'd think. I find Sonar absolutely rediculous. As a matter of fact, she is indeed a crossbreed of Mary Sue. I've named this specimen Puella ridicula Sapienta, the Girl of Rediculous Knowledge for the way she does the impossible feat of getting into med school at 14. (The parent species are Pseudocanonica and Humanis Perfectis, the Canon Sue and Sanitly Sue.)She appears to be about 19-22, making her the prime age for a Mary Sue. And as for her punishment, and yours... I have my axe all nice and sharpened, so I will sentence you and your Sue to 40 out of 50 Axe Whackins. Now, I hope you listen to what people are telling and delete your stories and start over.
| Chikory chapter 1 . 10/12/2004
You're coming up close behind "halo-girl" (a diagnosis murder fic writter) in the crappiest story competition. I'd tell you what's wrong with your story, only I don't have all night, I need sleep you know. Although having read that, I'm not so sure I will get much. It baffles me how people can get so much constructive criticism, yet ignore it. All you end up doing is pissing the readers off and making them lose any respect they might have had for you.
Who the Fck is Sonar? Some retard from Zardo Zaps planet?
Do us all a favour, read everyone’s tips and attempt to improve, or stop writting. I'm mentally disturbed enough as it is! I don't need your help.
P.S: Major Disaster, a jellybean would be more interesting to read about, and I'm sure it would have a lot more character.
| Major Disaster chapter 1 . 10/6/2004
Do you have a beta reader or even proof read your work at all? You're too repetitive and need to work on your grammar.
I have read a few of your fics and still can't figure out who the hell Sonar is. This character doesn't have any personality whatsoever. It's like reading about a jellybean.
| Hawkeye's Martini chapter 1 . 10/6/2004
. Wow...this needs work. A lot of work. May I inquire how old you are and what writing background, if any, you have? Reading this I get the impression you were directed to write "something" for a class you were not fond of, and finished the assignment as quickly as you could. Something you should realize is that no one is trying to knock you personally, but this...'story'... If you wish to continue writing, at the v. least I suggest a beta reader, although I don't know anyone who would be willing to rewrite an entire story for you. I don't see any spelling errors, but your grammar and diction leave much to be desired. If you decide to continue, that's up to you, but if what's continued is like this, do not expect to have your inbox flooded with reviews. Take care and a writing class. Adieu.
| skywise chapter 1 . 10/5/2004
Do you have a beta, if so you should think about recruiting someone else to do a better job, just a thought.
Your comment about Margaret only being a Major, that's pretty good rank, granted not the highest but I wouldn't be saying only a major, her next promotion she'd be wearing a bird.
| Thought police chapter 1 . 10/5/2004
Here's a summary: confusing, badly written story best left unread.
| LadyAbbey chapter 1 . 10/5/2004
Please, not again...
Even though I've read your other stories, I've never felt motivated enough to review them. They were written a long time ago, and when I first read them you had disappeared from At the time, I hoped that you had decided to take a sabbatical and improve your writing skills. Alas, you have not.
I'm not so sure if my suggestions will make any impact upon you since you clearly haven't listened to anyone else's thoughts on the matter, but here goes.
Please, reread the other reviews people have given you. Take their advice and take a creative writing course. That will help improve your writing and allow you to express youself or tell a story more eloquently. Use proper tenses and try to consistently use either the present tense or the past tense when writing a story. In this story you seem to switch back and forth between present and past tense WAY too much. Tone it down.
Learn how to use spellcheck and a thesaurus. Quit being so repetitive (ie: so-and-so "said" this, so-and-so "said" that or "I" did this, "I" did that.). It's very boring and doesn't make for an interesting story. Don't be afraid to use synonyms instead of the same word over and over again. When you do, it makes the story more interesting and engaging.
Make your sentences less choppy, and combine them once in a while. To read "Klinger came over with blood," then read in the next sentence "Klinger replied, 'Here's your blood.'" is annoying. If you combine them, it sounds much better and your story flows smoother: "Klinger came over and replied 'Here's the blood!" See?
Make your sentences less awkward: "Due to the mask over his face, the patient was asleep," sounds smoother and less cumbersome than "That patient was asleep due to the mask that was put on him." Better yet, refrain from telling us things we already know or can assume. Generally, surgeons don't want their patients awake during an operation unless the wound is minor.
And as one last note, please spell BJ's name properly. If you're going to write fanfiction for any category, please get the character's names right. It shows that you actually pay attention.
If you actually do follow these suggestions, we will all thank you for it. There's a lot of crappy writing on , and hopefully you will not continue to be one of the many authors who post that kind of stuff. You've got potential, it's just buried deeply, like a needle in a haystack.