|Reviews for When girls Prank Back|
| Dissociative Butterfly chapter 1 . 5/19/2005
::Throws up hands.:: Dude, what the hell!
There's a "Is your character a Mary Sue?" survey floating around online. I suggest you take it for your characters, in all seriousness.
Rework the chapters, think through the characterization, etc., etc.
| Sesshomaru-is-my-master chapter 8 . 5/7/2005
I love it and you have to update soon
| Lyric's Angel chapter 1 . 2/6/2005
Bad Mary Sues! Kill this wreck please!
| Kirjava Deamon chapter 1 . 2/6/2005
"She is half black half white. Her mom was a white American her father is French."
| hashire chapter 3 . 10/29/2004
"most of there time studying"
"we want to get this done faster well have"
We'll. As in "we will."
"store and were amazed"
store and were amazed. (Periods are a very good thing.)
Good job spelling separate right.
"being retarded started jumping up"
That is very offensive. Please replace that term.
"her 3 more book sand walked"
. . . her three more books and walked . . .
"Watch were your going"
Watch where you're going. As in location and "you are."
"Claire lets just"
Let's. As in "let us."
"book store lets got to"
Book store let's go to.
James has hazel eyes. Sirius has blue eyes.
"but were leaving"
We're. As in "we are."
"up to by there wands"
Up to buy their wands.
You repeated the meeting James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter part in the middle.
Please, please, PLEASE read over your writing before you post it. This whole thing results in a headache when read all at once.
| Colonel D. John Mustard chapter 2 . 10/13/2004
There isn't much plot or characterization so far, so I can't address those issues. However, if you wish to improve your writing skills, I strongly recommend that you do the following:
1. Purchase a reputable handbook on grammar and style. I recommend either _Hodges' Harbrace Handbook_ or _The Elements of Style_. Had you consulted such a handbook while writing your fan fiction, you would have avoided numerous grammatical errors.
2. Read and understand the works on which your fan fiction is based. A thorough grounding in canon is essential for anyone who writes fan fiction. For example, students sorted into House Slytherin are not inherently evil. Ambitious, yes, but not necessarily evil; after all, Professor Snape risked a great deal when he chose to spy on the Death Eaters. As a further canon reference, I suggest that you check The Harry Potter Lexicon Web site ().
3. Keep in mind that the Harry Potter books are set in the early to late 1990s. Thus, for instance, no Hogwarts student in Harry's year would have ever heard of Orlando Bloom or Avril Lavigne. Anachronisms such as quoting Miss Lavigne's lyrics are guaranteed to snap the disbelief suspenders of many readers. Fortunately, I did not find any such anachronisms in this story; I hope that none creep in as the story progresses.
4. Perhaps most importantly, have someone who reads and writes well proofread your writing before you post it here. By having such a "beta reader," you can reduce the risk of including errors in spelling, grammar and canon.
It's always good to see someone take an interest in writing. I hope that my suggestions will help you learn to write better.
| Captain Speed-o chapter 2 . 10/11/2004
this is great. i love how you put all in differnet house and that u are going hints about what suki did. keep on going, i can't wait for the next chapter!
| hashire chapter 2 . 10/10/2004
It's Slytherin. SLYTHERIN. Not that hard to remember.
Not all students of Slytherin are dark wizards. Dumbledore of all people would know that. Just because they're in Slytherin doesn't mean they would turn out to be dark wizards.
Not very good so far. The narrative is jumpy, your grammar is not good at all, and the storyline is predictable.